Tag: Statement 5

“Don’t believe everything you think.”

Unknown

“It is incredibly important to differentiate between overthinking and deep thinking. Deep thinking is analyzing information for the purpose of learning and moving forward, building your brain, reaching solutions and understanding difficult concepts. Sometimes, this means that you will need to think deeply about an issue you are facing in order to overcome it, but this is different from worrying about the problem….it’s very deliberate, controlled, intentional, systematic, and rational. It is not emotionally driven, chaotic, illogical, assumptive and it is not driven by a sense of victimization. Deep thinking looks for solution and closure, whereas overthinking is chaotic, with no solution or end in sight.”

Caroline Leaf

“What you tell yourself every day will lift you up or tear you down. Choose wisely.”

Unknown

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Hi 4C Women,

I have never needed this Statement more than in the past few weeks. As I watched my daughter’s health decline, I remind myself that I am a 4C woman and will handle this as best I can. Not easy yet I am sober and I am grateful for that. I need to be strong for my daughter and my granddaughter. I could not do this if I were still drinking. This doesn’t mean I am not in deep pain, feeling angry, sad, and regretful for what I did and didn’t do to communicate how important it was for her to take care of her health. Now she is coming home from the hospital under hospice care. I couldn’t even imagine how I would handle this at all if it wasn’t for WFS and the women who support me with such love and compassion.

I learned a long time ago that it wasn’t just stopping drinking but changing the way I cope. Each Statement is a guide to positive change and while no one is truly prepared to deal with such a devastating loss, I know I will go through this process being able to honor my daughter by staying sober and being here for her in her remaining days. This is not an easy situation to share yet I feel the need to do so as I also learned a lot about being authentic, seeking help for myself and encouraging others at the most difficult, challenging times in their lives. My daughter has lived with me for the last 4 years so she is present in every room in my house. I am grateful for our time together and I hate that this is happening. I have cried a river of tears and have no idea how I will handle it when the time comes to say goodbye. What I do know is that I need to be here for her right now and to remain sober to be the mom she needs and deserves at this very moment. I want to show my daughter and granddaughter that I am a 4C woman even when my heart is breaking. I’m hoping that by sharing this message, that you find hope in knowing it is possible to work through and heal life’s unfair challenges. If I feel myself falling, I will seek the help I need – something I couldn’t do in my drinking days. My support system is the beautiful 4C women I have been blessed to have because of WFS.

Bonded in allowing our 4C selves to give, share and grow in strength through life’s greatest challenges. We are never alone! Dee

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“If you take care of your mind, you take care of the world.”
Arianna Huffington

“Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all of your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.”
Golda Meir

 “Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.”
Anne Lamott

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Hi 4C Women,

I love how Karen gained awareness in understanding that she was the gatekeeper of her thoughts.  Being the gatekeeper is a powerful position and Statement #5 directs us to use that power wisely for our own well-being and personal growth in recovery.  I hid my power because I was afraid of being rejected and ridiculed as was my experience. That history I carried within my thoughts was stronger than my ability to see I was truly in charge of changing history going forward. Becoming sober gave me clarity and when I initially began saying positive words to describe myself, it was a huge challenge.

I remember the first time I asked the group I was facilitating to describe themselves using 50 words. There was laughter and horror being expressed. As I looked around the room, I saw women staring at the blank piece of paper with an incredulous look that I would expect them to have 50 words when they could barely provide 2 or 3. The laughter was the unease of writing any positive words about themselves as that would be considered conceited, something they grew up hearing. When I said they could use authentic words as to how they saw themselves on that day, they seemed relieved. It is amazing how many of us have been taught that saying and believing positive descriptive words was not ladylike! I asked them to date their responses and the next time we did this exercise; they could visually see their personal growth in how they viewed themselves. Today, when I start doubting my belief in myself, I tend to go back to Statement #9 and remind myself I am not the same person, I am a new woman. I have worked hard for positive change and built my self-esteem, self-love, and self-worthiness with all the tools the WFS program has provided. It is a continuing process and knowing that, gives me peace.

I now realize that asking anyone to provide 50 words to describe themselves is daunting. In reflection, I keep asking myself, “What was I thinking?”  So below are questions I feel are more doable.  And remember that this is a process of personal growth and being authentic is a wonderful way to see how we have grown and where we need to focus to keep the process going in a positive direction.

Questions:
This makes me unique:
I feel strong/empowered when:
I accept myself for:
A quality I am proud of:
Today I am grateful for:
I did my best to overcome:
The most significant positive change I have made:
Date: _________________

Bonded in awareness of becoming your empowered 4C self, Dee

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Hi 4C Women,

I love that Karen said there are no two days alike. It took me a while to recognize that and rather than beat myself up for not living the Statement as I thought I “should,” I accepted that this was where I was at on any particular day and tried my best. I didn’t give up and say, “oh what’s the use?” but chose to be kind and nurture who I was at that moment. It was no longer about being impossibly perfect but mostly not giving up. What did change with that approach and attitude is that I no longer felt less than, incompetent, unworthy, and all those negative words I used to describe myself.

Along the way, WFS sisters have added to the 4C description, and here are some of theirs and mine:

Courageous in walking into a f2f meeting or attending that first Zoom meeting, to overcome the great fear of not knowing what to expect

Confident in the willingness to change

Committed to change even when those doubts come in

Can do – the thought that replaces doubt and encourages positive, incredible possibilities

Choice maker – I have the ability and coping skills to make healthy choices for my well-being

Credible, becoming credible to yourself and instilling that credibility to others as you keep moving forward on your recovery journey

Changing – what I value about WFS as it guides me to change the most important part of recovery – the inside self.

Communicator– learning to share with a clear mind, getting to know and express your needs, and understanding that you deserve to have those needs met by you as well as in important relationships.

Compromiser – another aspect of communicator that teaches us that compromise is an important part of meeting our needs and others by active listening, and remembering we all have needs. It’s how we communicate and react in a respectful, hopefully, calm manner, that builds healthier relationships.

Creative – While I or you may not be creative in the artistic sense, we have created a New Life!

And all these words add up to my favorite – can do! Whenever I feel overwhelmed or unsure, I tell myself I can do it, or at least I am willing to try. If it’s beyond my capabilities, at least I tried. Best of all, my inability does not delete or take away from all that I have and am working on accomplishing. Its lessons learned, limitations noted and accepted, and on to the next.  Mostly, I have found that the image I create in my mind being a 4C woman is the way I begin to show up in this world.  That’s powerful and empowering.

What positive words would you add?

Throughout the day, think about how you talk to yourself? Would you talk to a friend in the same manner who was seeking encouragement and support? Remember this if you start to berate yourself and think how does this fit into becoming or maintaining your 4C self? Just as WFS is a program of acceptance, always remember that this acceptance includes YOU accepting yourself this moment, this day as you learn, grow emotionally, and build up that toolbox of coping skills. The thoughts and the words you speak to yourself can be transforming, uplifting, and absolutely necessary.

Bonded in becoming and accepting ourselves as we journey on, Dee

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Hi 4C Women,

I say very often that I have found my voice and I know it was found through the WFS program and especially Statement #5.  Before recovery, what I thought of myself was not exactly self-esteem building or empowering.  It was challenging enough to introduce myself as a competent woman at a meeting yet to add more positive adjectives/nouns to describe and define myself seemed an impossibility.

These questions helped me to think about how I see myself:

What do I do consistently well?

What are my strongest traits/characteristics?

What do I respect about myself?

How do I feel about speaking my voice?

I feel empowered when…

One of my favorite songs about self-realization is “Here I Stand” by Karen Drucker on her “The Heart of Healing” album.  I listened to it many times and shared it with my WFS group as it truly expresses my journey to living Statement #5.  I emailed her letting her know how much this song represented me and WFS with its emotional and spiritual growth, empowerment, and belief in self.  She was happy that I shared it with other WFS 4C women and hoped I would continue to do so.

“Here I Stand.”

Here I Stand Words & Music: Karen Drucker & Sloan Wainwright This song was written with another one of my favorite singer/songwriters, Sloan Wainwright. We got together and talked about what was going on in our lives and realized that we were both finally feeling that we had let go of the old stories of not enough, and giving our power away. This song is a celebration for anyone who is willing to stand up and claim their power.

“I was a little girl who never spoke her mind.

I wouldn’t rock the boat, I couldn’t cross the line,

but every step that I’ve taken, every pain, every tear,

has led me to the woman who’s standing right here.

I got so tired of giving myself away,

always looking for someone to tell me I was okay.

I got to a place where I could trust my heart,

it was the perfect place for a brand- new start.

Chorus: Here I stand in my power.

Here I stand in my power.

Here I stand in my power.

Here I stand. (Here I stand) Here I stand.

I am a warrior. I am invincible.

I am as strong as steel and I am capable,

and I am soft as a feather light and free,

and the truth that I know, healing begins with me.

Chorus Bridge: Here I stand. Here I stand. Here I stand.

With all that I’ve been through, there ain’t nothin’ I can’t do…

Chorus

 

©TayToones Music BMI 2015 & Derby Disc Music SESAC From Karen’s CD: “Joy In Our Hearts” and “The Heart of Healing 2″

So empowering and so … me from not speaking my mind growing up to the woman standing in her power and knowing that healing began with me!

Bonded in loving ourselves, healing ourselves, and being empowered to define ourselves in a positive light, Dee

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“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”   ~~Ralph Waldo Emerson

“You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”  ~~Eleanor Roosevelt

“Don’t waste your energy trying to change opinions…do your thing, and don’t care if they like it.” ~~Tina Fey

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“The only person who can pull me down is myself, and I’m not going to let myself pull me down anymore.”  ~~C. Joybell C.

“Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.”  ~~Brené Brown

“You may be the only person left who believes in you, but it’s enough. It takes just one star to pierce a universe of darkness. Never give up.”  ~~Richelle E. Goodrich

I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.

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In our WFS Program booklet it states “The way we experience our life is a result of our thoughts. With our mind we shape each day.” Active addiction warps thinking. Before New Life, thoughts were chaotic, unbalanced and oftentimes tied to the extremes. There was no middle ground or gray area. It was either all in or nothing and life felt exhausting because it was. Sobriety and Statement #5 in action can change that and open a portal for balance.

With a mind clear of alcohol or drugs we can be aware of our thought processes. My favorite way to connect with my thinking is through journaling. Even if I am unaware of my thoughts on a particular day, I can review the words and get a good glimpse. It even helps to identify patterns of thought that I may not otherwise notice. This is especially helpful when emotions are intense or life feels exceptionally busy.

But I love what Jean says to do in her book Goodbye Hangovers Hello Life “Say it a hundred times a day: ‘I am what I think.’ Then make up several sentences to be repeated after that. Tell yourself with every breath, ‘I am a capable person.’  In addition to thinking it, begin to know it. This is not making up a false picture. This is coming to know the real you. You are a capable person. You probably always have been but have defeated yourself in everything you ever attempted before ever getting started.”  This week, reinforce who and what you would like to be. Repeat every day and pay attention to how you respond to your encouragement. You are a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman!

Hugzzz

Karen

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Hi 4C Women,

Last week, the Monday Thoughts talked about understanding the difference between assertiveness vs aggressiveness.  I’m hoping you were able to practice some of the ways to be assertive.  I love how Statement #5 is a follow up in creating positive images, empowerment and setting boundaries on who we think we are – “our” current personal definition, not one from old messages.  It is who we are today as we work through changing and challenging those old messages that leads to healing.

If you are reading this, please add courageous to your 4C woman identity.  You are courageous that you acknowledged your problem that once had you and followed the path of seeking positive support and guidance through WFS.  As Jean said, say it a hundred times a day and know it is your truth.  Just as initially introducing ourselves as competent women may feel or felt extremely uncomfortable, eventually it feels right, truthful and our actions reflect that.  We are competent, assertive, courageous women.  That is the truth we can live by each day.

What is standing in your way of knowing this?

Are you defining yourself with extreme negative comments with no regard to your strengths and achievements?   Are you willing to work diligently on changing this internal dialogue? Do you believe you deserve to recognize your worth on this recovery path?

Recently a dear friend sent me a beautiful quote and I used it at the closing of my zoom meeting last week. I would love to share it with all of you as it fits this Statement so beautifully.

“No punishment anyone might inflict on us could possibly be worse than the punishment we inflict on ourselves by conspiring in our own diminishment” – Parker Palmer in I will Not Die an Unlived Life by Dawna Markova.

To practice this thought:

Conspire in your own enhancement.  Name one quality or accomplishment you cherish in yourself.  The answers shared last week were touching and such a joy to have each woman consider a quality or accomplishment she cherished.  It was so personal and uplifting.  I am encouraging you to consider how you would answer this question.

Bonded in becoming and knowing we are in charge of defining who we are.  Old messages are thrown out, believing we deserve a New Life is our path today, Dee

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You are invited to a new event, sponsored by the Creative Crew!

A Holiday showcase of handmade items by our sisters will be for sale. There will be quilted items, glass pieces, notecard sets, jewelry, a bee themed journal and more! 100% of the funds will be directed to Giving Tuesday to support WFS.

What you need to do: 

• Register or Sign In to the Holiday Sale Catalog at The Creative Crew Holiday Sale.  TIP:  If you registered for the Conference Auction in June 2021, your login is still active. If you do not remember your password, you can request an email to reset the password.
• You may preview items online, as they are added to the catalog!
• The Holiday Sale opens at 10am US/Eastern (your timezone) on November 5 and closes with the auction ending at 9pm US/Eastern (your timezone) on November 6.

The Creative Crew is a new group and we welcome all sisters in WFS. We share our projects using any media and inspire each other, forming priceless connections. And sometimes we collaborate on a project! If you would like to join us at our monthly meeting, please send an email to [email protected] or come checkout our connection group on WFS Online named The Creative Crew!

Mark you calendars for the sale and have a safe Halloween!

Hugs and Aloha,
The Creative Crew

“Success is a state of mind.  If you want success, start thinking of yourself as a success.”  ~~Joyce Brothers

“We only see what we want to see; we only hear what we want to hear.  Our belief system is just like a mirror that only shows us what we believe.”  ~~Don Miguel Ruiz

“Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will.”  ~~Zig Ziglar

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#5 I am what I think.

I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.

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Addiction fuels a circle of deception, especially with our thoughts but with Statement #5 in action that circle can be broken and new patterns of thought embraced.  The WFS New Life Program encourages self-examination, and this Statement where we examine our thoughts resides at the core of that exploration.

In our WFS Program booklet it asks “Do you know why you think your thoughts?  Are you aware of the mental place in which you live, the real environment that you create for yourself by your thoughts?  Or do you just let thoughts happen at random?”  Answering these questions can direct our thoughts and build a stable platform for further growth in our New Lives.

Here are a few ways to help identify and shift thoughts:

1. Sit in stillness:  Each day give yourself permission to sit without distraction for 5 minutes, shut off the tv or phone and close your eyes.  What thoughts are coming to mind?  Are your thoughts hurried?  Are your thoughts centered on contentment or do you have worries?  This is the time to notice and identify what you are thinking.  This may be a new concept (it was for me!) and new does not mean bad or wrong.  It can be the first action to managing thoughts.

 

2. Create a thought diary:  Jot down some of the major thoughts that you noticed in those five minutes of stillness. Give yourself time to do this, write down your thoughts for at least a week, more is helpful.  Do you notice a there to your thoughts?  Maybe of not enough or too much or maybe thoughts of the future?  Are thoughts fearful or simple uncertainty?  Be specific.

 

3. Examine your thoughts:  You can gain deep insight by reviewing your thought diary.  Do you see a pattern?  Where are you doing well and where do you need to shift your thought process?  Is there something driving your thinking? Is this thought taking me closer to or further away from sobriety and recovery?  Be honest with yourself.

 

4. Shift or reframe unhelpful thoughts:  You can redefine a long held thought or belief and concentrate on changing your internal dialogue.  If you have thoughts of “I’m not good enough” challenge that thought and repeat affirmations such as “I am a competent woman” or write out ways that you have achieved something, no matter how small.  This simple shift can help redirect thinking and over time help you to recognize thoughts that do not empower or embrace you. Make this a daily part of your recovery routine.

 

Hugzzz

Karen

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Hi 4C Women,

I remember the first time I read Statement #5 and thought, wow, do I really want to share with others what I think of myself?  For so many years, I questioned my confidence, my competency.  I found it difficult to say I was a competent woman.    Finally, after introducing myself as a competent woman at the WFS meetings, it felt comfortable, almost believable!  As I began believing, I began behaving.  I finally understood that my self-esteem was almost non-existent, that even when I was praised for doing something well and appreciated it, I didn’t feel it within myself.

At one of our WFS meetings, the question was asked as to how we show up for ourselves.  Do we show up seeking approval from others and still not have faith in our own accomplishments, compassionate acts, capabilities?  Do we let our self-care evaporate so we can prove ourselves worthy by always doing for others?  I know that was me at one time.  This is why I so desperately needed the guidance of the 13 Statements to change my thinking, my actions, to do more than just stop drinking.  Rather than saying my extremely negative mantra every day, I began to replace it with one of the 13 Statements.  Each one became a ladder of personal growth.  I was no longer digging myself out of a hole of unworthiness, incompetency and insecurities.  I became a 4C woman.

Write about a moment you were brave and just went for it.  I came across this question and gave it great thought.  It reminded me that there have been many times in my life that I was brave but discounted it or never gave myself credit for it.  How about you?

I plan to do the sitting in stillness exercise.  It is new for me and I’m so curious as to where my thoughts will go in those 5 minutes of stillness, no tv, no phone!  Of course, an exercise of this kind requires the follow through described in 2-4 and that will be the key to learning how I am authentically feeling, thinking and handling my current situation.  I’m hoping you will try it and share your outcomes with others with whom you trust.

Bonded in believing, behaving and shouting out loud that we are 4C women who bravely went for it, Dee

“Your thoughts shape your vision.   You see what you choose to see.”  ~~Anonymous

“What’s on your mind becomes what’s in your life so think the thoughts you want to see.”  ~~Karen Salmansohm

“You are not a helpless victim of your own thoughts, but rather a master of your mind.”  ~~Louise Hay

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#5 I am what I think.

I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.

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Sobriety and the practice of Statement #5 enable rewarding changes to take place.  Before New Life, thoughts can be repetitive, disruptive, and quite chaotic.  Active addiction severs our ability to manage and/or direct thoughts, often resulting in impulsive or invalidating behaviors. It becomes a difficult and destructive cycle.

Yet the simple concept of managing our thoughts changes everything.  Our founder, Jean Kirkpatrick, Ph.D., came to understand this after her last relapse and believed Statement #5 to be the core of the WFS New Life Program.  It is from our thoughts that we can create our future.  In our WFS Program booklet it states “It is important for all women to know, and use, the power of their mind and thoughts.  However, it is most important for women with drug and alcohol problems to use our minds to enhance our well-being.  We can consciously build positive images of ourselves.  We create a new self in our mind first.”

Here is an excerpt from the WFS Beginner’s Collection (pages 66-67) from Jean that highlight this discovery for her:

“I remember a day when I was extremely depressed.   I stood by a window in my living room and, while looking out, I felt the terrible weight of depression that had hung over me all morning.  At that moment I was unaware of my having permitted myself to feel that way.  In a way, I was doing everything to keep the depression.  Suddenly, I decided I was tired of feeling this way.  I began to think about my life in a totally different way and I began to feel better.  Instead of seeing only the gloomy side of the situation bothering me, I began to think about it in completely different thoughts, and the depression lifted.

To this day, I am still awed by the knowledge of how quickly we can change any situation by changing our thoughts.  Every thought is a planted seed that will soon bear fruit.  This is the history of our thoughts.  They precede our actions; they create our life.  And this is the history of our actions.  Whatever our actions, we can discover the reason for them by examining our thoughts we entertained before the actions took place.  Our mind is like a sea.  It can be placid and calm or it can be turbulent.  Unlike the sea, we can control it.  We are not subject to weather to control the calmness or turbulence of our mind.  We are the caretakers of what the conditions will be.  We are truly the masters of our fate.  Mastery of this Statement amounts to mastery of life.  It is the keystone to recovery.”

This week, pay closer attention to your thoughts.  See if there is something that you need to shift your thoughts on.  Jot down thoughts in a journal and watch your progress over time.  You are a 4C woman!

Hugzzz

Karen

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Hi 4C Women,

Karen and I wanted to be sure and recognize that when Jean spoke of her depression, she was not referring to clinical depression which would be needed and helped with medical attention.  Having negative thoughts of how we view ourselves can be a response or reaction to a situation or person that is rooted in our emotional history.  It’s human nature.  What matters is how we internalize it in the present and how we then react.  Do we value another’s opinion of who we are over what we think of ourselves?  As we work through our internal dialogue, it’s important to remove old messages from the past that no longer are our truth today and do not serve us well on this sober recovery journey.

I am careful as well to discern between depression and just feeling downright sad.  This past year has given me plenty of opportunities to feel sad and rather than deny or escape those feelings, I continue to practice the tip given by one of the women in my group who asks herself “why” when she is feeling sad or a myriad of different feelings.  It has been so helpful as I uncover and acknowledge the reason for a particular feeling.  It does not come out of nowhere for me.  I use to take everything so personally and now I use the coping tool of what is my truth, my perspective and make a decision on what the next step is and it might be absolutely nothing!  I stick to that, take a deep breath and move on.  If I feel it is important to address, I will consider my options.  After all, I have spoken out loud and to myself that I am a 4C woman so figuring out how I am going to handle my feelings, is the choice I make.

I have also learned that I will no longer let shame and guilt be the yardstick of how I measure my worth.  This Brené Brown quote expresses so well what shame can do: “Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.”

WFS is all about change, removing shame and guilt to become a 4C Woman.  Here’s what I discovered I was guilty of before and early in my sobriety – not standing up for the woman I was becoming, not respecting the journey I survived and becoming a thriver, accepting and believing old cruel, unkind definitions of me from the past including the ones I spoke to myself, denying ways to practice self-care as I didn’t deserve it, holding on to regret, resentments that left little room for a New Life and not knowing how to set healthy boundaries to protect and enhance my emotional and spiritual growth.  Does any of this sound familiar?  It’s empowering to know what you use to think or perhaps still think because that is the guide of what needs to be worked through, to change for your well-being.

I’ve asked these questions before and I hope you will take the time to answer, date your answers and the next time you begin to question yourself, revisit your answers.  And if they provide a guide for empowering personal growth and change, consider it a beautiful gift you are giving yourself and your recovery.  And feel free to add to the 4Cs as your emotional and spiritual growth blossoms!

I am capable of:

I am competent in:

I am caring about:

I am compassionate about:

Bonded in being/becoming a 4C Woman, Dee

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https://womenforsobriety.threadless.com

Sales end April 30th @ 5:00 pm EST

 

“The only approval you need is your own.”  ~~Amanda Gorman

“What do you mean I have to wait for someone’s approval? I’m someone.  I approve.  So, I give myself permission to move forward with my full support!”  ~~Richelle E. Goodrich

“You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked.  Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”  ~~Louise Hay

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#5 I am what I think.

I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.

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Beginning early in life, seeking approval from outside of my self was a path that easily led towards manipulation, imbalance, and low self-esteem.  Not fitting in, disapproving, never enough, hopeless; these were just some of the ever-present thoughts before sobriety and my New Life.  Living life on a track of self-denial and discouragement was the result of alcohol use and increasing isolation.  Once condemning thoughts took over, life felt increasingly bleak, uneasy, and depressing yet Statement #5 in action helped to change course and move into empowering directions.

Becoming aware of thoughts enables the ability to shift lanes in thinking.  Initially, it felt overwhelming to decipher what I was saying internally.  It was like walking into a room where hundreds of people were shouting all at once.  Yet by reciting the Statements (out loud helps me the most) each day, quieting down thoughts became easier.  This gave me a calmer lane to steer thoughts. This daily practice continues to keep thought awareness in the forefront so they may be channeled and challenged.

Knowing my own thoughts enables approval of them.  I can ask myself “Does this thought take me closer or further away from sobriety (or a goal)?”  This has prevented relapse many times.  A meditation practice also keeps thoughts from becoming overwhelming and can offer pause.  Even just five minutes a day can assist in thought management.  Here are a few helpful techniques to aid in practicing Statement #5:

• Opposite thinking:  Angry thoughts?  Shift thoughts towards something that has brought you joy.  Writing it down focuses the mind even more.
• Imaging: Distressing thoughts? Imagine being in a place of comfort.  Fully describe in your mind what this place is like.  Is it a beach?  What does the sky look like?  What do the waves sound like?  Fully embrace this place.
• Get moving:  Being physical can offset thoughts.  One time I grabbed a broom and started sweeping when fearful thoughts were overtaking my mind.  Almost immediately my thoughts were focused on the floor instead of the imagined fears.
• Snap it out:  Wear a rubber band on your wrist and whenever unruly thoughts enter, snap the band.  It is a physical sensation to stop unwanted or unhealthy thoughts.

What assists you in practicing Statement #5?

Hugzzz

Karen

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Good Morning 4C Women,

I love the quotes that Karen shared with us.  Each is a fabulous way to start the day along with reading the 13 Statements.  Like Karen, there was a time when speaking anything but negative self-talk seemed an impossible task.  What I said to myself in the mirror each morning was anything but positive.  It is, as Karen says, the action process of each Statement that begins to change our thoughts and our actions.

For Statement #5, it is critical to see ourselves as 4C women, one thought, one image change at a time.  I have heard over the years that it feels conceited or selfish to love yourself.  That is certainly a challenging battle to overcome yet, just like sobriety and recovery might have seemed impossible, learning to love yourself is doable.  It, in fact, is critical to your well-being.

Have you ever made a list of what you love about yourself today and how you currently practice self-care, self-love?  If you are struggling with listing what you love about yourself, think of those closest to you that you love.  Do you see a pattern of qualities that you love about them?  Can you attribute those qualities to yourself and learn to love and accept yourself in the same way?

Making a self-love list is a good start to sorting out the truth of today and dismissing/releasing the negative messages of yesterday that are no longer supporting your well-being, your sobriety. In fact, many of those old, invalid messages are from people who were themselves unhealed, creating fear within you of being abandoned, unworthy and unlovable.  If it wasn’t for the 4Cs, I am not sure if I would even have known where to start.  Yet, I began to believe that I was compassionate and caring.  Believing I was competent and capable took a bit longer.  But that is the beauty of emotional growth – it is a process and we do this individually and with purpose

Questions to consider that I found in my huge mound of papers.  Not sure from when or where yet I believe they are questions to get you started or continuing on your 4C journey/path to self-love, self-caring:

What do you need to be more at peace with yourself, living from a place of love instead of fear?  (i.e., forgiveness, setting boundaries)

What am I holding onto that isn’t serving me anymore?

What fulfills you?  Not sure, think of how you spend your time and is it fulfilling you?  How can you incorporate the things that fulfill you into your life more?

What is your truth (or essence) when everything else is stripped away?  This is who you believe you are, not anyone else’s definition of you, especially the negative messages from the past.

What do you do to make yourself feel better?  This is really important when you are feeling down and getting stuck in negative energy.

How could you love yourself enough to … forgive yourself, nourish yourself, move your body, feed your soul, live in the moment?  In other words, start loving yourself enough to take care of yourself the way you deserve.

Answering these questions and using the techniques Karen shared will be helpful in the process of catching our negative thoughts and having a way to turn them around quickly with positive self-talk and self-love as the result.

Bonded in strengthening our self-love to know that we are 4C woman today and every day, Dee

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