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“Don’t believe everything you think.”
“It is incredibly important to differentiate between overthinking and deep thinking. Deep thinking is analyzing information for the purpose of learning and moving forward, building your brain, reaching solutions and understanding difficult concepts. Sometimes, this means that you will need to think deeply about an issue you are facing in order to overcome it, but this is different from worrying about the problem….it’s very deliberate, controlled, intentional, systematic, and rational. It is not emotionally driven, chaotic, illogical, assumptive and it is not driven by a sense of victimization. Deep thinking looks for solution and closure, whereas overthinking is chaotic, with no solution or end in sight.”
“What you tell yourself every day will lift you up or tear you down. Choose wisely.”
#5 I am what I think.
I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.
It was not until sobriety and recovery that I became aware of my thinking. Before New Life, I simply reacted (usually strongly) to whatever the circumstance may be. Alcohol interfered with my ability to manage my thoughts and oftentimes escalated my responses. Life felt full of chaos and out of control which created a cycle of reacting, drinking, and reacting again. All of this changed with sobriety and Statement #5 in action.
In our WFS Program booklet our founder, Jean Kirkpatrick, Ph.D. asks “Do you know your own mind?” Today I understand my mind better. There are aspects that I am unaware of and aspects that I have been able to move through such as when a craving or trigger appears. WFS has taught me tools to manage thinking and believe in myself. The second part of Statement #5 has become an empowering mantra “I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.”
When I find myself ruminating or repeating a line of thinking that feels distressing, I have discovered it can be a form of avoidance. Statement #5 helps me dive deeper to get to the core thoughts. It helps remove knee-jerk responses and to delay an emotional response that could potentially worsen a situation. Journaling and sharing with other WFS sisters are two favorite ways to combat overthinking while helping me move through challenging thoughts. What tools do you reach for to manage your thoughts? Which mantra/phrase/idea helps you guide your thinking?
Hi 4C Women,
I have never needed this Statement more than in the past few weeks. As I watched my daughter’s health decline, I remind myself that I am a 4C woman and will handle this as best I can. Not easy yet I am sober and I am grateful for that. I need to be strong for my daughter and my granddaughter. I could not do this if I were still drinking. This doesn’t mean I am not in deep pain, feeling angry, sad, and regretful for what I did and didn’t do to communicate how important it was for her to take care of her health. Now she is coming home from the hospital under hospice care. I couldn’t even imagine how I would handle this at all if it wasn’t for WFS and the women who support me with such love and compassion.
I learned a long time ago that it wasn’t just stopping drinking but changing the way I cope. Each Statement is a guide to positive change and while no one is truly prepared to deal with such a devastating loss, I know I will go through this process being able to honor my daughter by staying sober and being here for her in her remaining days. This is not an easy situation to share yet I feel the need to do so as I also learned a lot about being authentic, seeking help for myself and encouraging others at the most difficult, challenging times in their lives. My daughter has lived with me for the last 4 years so she is present in every room in my house. I am grateful for our time together and I hate that this is happening. I have cried a river of tears and have no idea how I will handle it when the time comes to say goodbye. What I do know is that I need to be here for her right now and to remain sober to be the mom she needs and deserves at this very moment. I want to show my daughter and granddaughter that I am a 4C woman even when my heart is breaking. I’m hoping that by sharing this message, that you find hope in knowing it is possible to work through and heal life’s unfair challenges. If I feel myself falling, I will seek the help I need – something I couldn’t do in my drinking days. My support system is the beautiful 4C women I have been blessed to have because of WFS.
Bonded in allowing our 4C selves to give, share and grow in strength through life’s greatest challenges. We are never alone! Dee