“No one is coming to save you, to give you permission, to choose you, or validate you. This has always been your job. You must love yourself so fiercely and fully that you have no choice but to be strong for yourself, to be yourself, and to build yourself.” ~~Cara Leyba
“Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swamps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists…it is real…it is possible….it’s yours.” ~~Ayn Rand
“Responsibility to yourself means refusing to let others do your thinking, talking and naming for you; it means learning to respect and use your own brains and instincts; hence grappling with hard work.” ~~Adrienne Rich
#13 I am responsible for myself and for my actions.
I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life.
Imagine being told that the color blue is your color. Parents, school, friends, or community reinforce this color and it is woven through every fabric of your life. Yet something feels like it’s missing in your blue world. You cannot put your finger on it, but you feel a sense of unfulfillment. You drink or use to fill that void. That doesn’t help and you shift into sobriety. You begin to practice living the Statements every day. At first, everything feels flat but soon you are getting glimpses of beautiful purples, bright teals and vivid yellows. Your spirit feels brighter and you choose to live in responsibility and unexpectedly, a whole rainbow unfolds. This spectrum fills you and you shine from within. You welcome every variation of color, including your original blue. This is it, your life in full display as responsibility weaves a new fabric through you.
Statement #13 in action sets into motion the life we need and desire. It is responding with our ever- growing ability and building ourselves into our own hero. It is not easy to stand in our strength yet the freedom that arises from separating ourself from ill-fitting belief systems or institutions cements a powerful feeling of authenticity to our lives. It bridges gaps, illuminates brilliance while forging balance.
As we begin the second week out from our WFS “I’m Possible” 2021 Annual Conference, the workshops continue to be available through the weekend. Take a moment to watch, listen and add your thoughts to this empowering event. Your input is welcome and most needed as our beloved organization continues to grow and evolve.
How will you color your world this week?
Hi 4C Women,
I love the analogy of being told what specific color is you and then realizing something is missing and how the rainbow of colors unfolds on your recovery path. I can visualize walking down a road of solid blue and around the corner there is a peak of brilliant yellow, then pink, bright green and so much more. It is an awakening of what life can be as you take responsibility for yourself and your actions. I remember the surprise and actual joy I felt as I gained more confidence in being in charge of my mind, my thoughts and my life. Scary at first yet the more I wandered out of my comfort zone, the more I felt empowered and strong enough to handle this new feeling of responsibility.
Life is change, growth is possible, choose wisely. I found this quote on a calendar and it was my mantra for quite a while as I finally understood that if I wanted personal growth, I needed to choose wisely, and Statement 13 is certainly one of those empowering growth Statements.
I have a worksheet on the “change” process and one that spoke to me was “New Beginnings” – reorientation marked by new attitudes. Oh, yes, attitudes – the kind that says I can do this! It goes on to say that during this phase of change, individuals feel a new sense of belonging and commitment. This is the time to let go of past behaviors and attitudes, to clarify your roles and responsibilities and to explore possibilities for the future.
I had given up on exploring or envisioning a future where I was in charge as that brought up all my fears of making mistakes, wrong decisions, rejection and just a whole bunch of negative thoughts about myself. Yet, I felt such a pull to be the 4C woman I at first pretended to be. So, here were the questions presented that I knew I needed to consider if I was to be the authentic 4c woman my heart ached for.
What do I need to make my vision a reality?
What progress am I making?
What support do I need?
I realized I needed to believe I could make my vision a reality. I needed to acknowledge that no matter how small a step forward I was making, it was progress! After all, I did not get to where I was in my actions and thoughts overnight, so I had to appreciate my commitment to trying my best, not giving up.
I needed the support of women who understood my fears and yet encouraged me to keep moving forward. No explanations understood and accepted. While the goal is independence, we all need to know we are interdependent. Why walk alone when there are those who are standing beside you, in front of you leading the way and behind you to catch your back?
In one of the breakout sessions, we were told we were negotiators and I now understand that I was negotiating within myself to find ways to practice Statement 13. I learned to change a negative thought to a positive one. I learned to be proactive rather than reactive which changed my actions and outcome. And one of the most important changes was that I praised myself for each new way of thinking, behaving and being in charge of my life.
Consider these additional questions:
How do you practice Statement 13?
How would you describe your vision of your New Life?
Bonded in acceptance, belonging, and supporting each other, Dee