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Monday Thoughts 9/13/2021

“Talk to yourself like you would someone you love.”  ~~Brene’ Brown

“You are an amazing person with unique talents  Have faith in your abilities.”  ~~Lailah Gifty Akita

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”  ~~Eleanor Roosevelt

 #12 I am a competent woman and have much to give life.

This is what I am and I shall know it always.

When I was little, my dad would sometimes ask me to retrieve a tool or item from the basement.  My dad was super organized and his instructions would be specific about where to find this requested gizmo.  Yet looking upon the wall of tools, I drew a blank.  There was so much stuff there, I felt overwhelmed and stood there silently staring, struck with feelings of failure.  My dad didn’t chastise me for not being able to find it, but I certainly did. Then I carried this thought process into adulthood.

Sobriety and Statement #12 in action lay the groundwork for growth and ability.  Addiction removed recognition of worth or value and this translated into my capabilities as well.  At some point feelings of “why even bother” became the norm but thankfully sobriety and WFS helped me change that.  I am a capable woman, I am a competent woman, I am a caring woman, I am a compassionate woman. Rinse and repeat (like the shampoo bottle reminds us).

Who I am today is a direct result of living Statement #12 and yet there is so much more to discover and embrace.  This past week, I metaphorically gazed at that giant wall of tools that once had me perplexed and was able to grab the Statement that I needed to get the job done.  To the regular world, it looked like no big deal.  However, I felt a surge of satisfaction and respect.  I am a 4C woman!



Hi 4C Women,

I imagined Karen looking at the wall of 13 Statements and recognizing how much she gained, learned new and positive ways to cope, believed in her capabilities and understanding there is more to discover.  I felt applause rise up and wishing I could be standing next to her to acknowledge all that she has accomplished as a 4C woman.  I relate so much to what she has shared; the feeling of not being enough, unworthy, lacking respect and for me personally, stupid, therefore not trusting my instincts or decisions.  So, to call myself a competent woman at first felt uncomfortable and definitely an unfamiliar phrase.  Just like Karen, once I started to say Statement #12 again and again, it started to feel authentic.  I learned to gradually reduce my abundance of negative self-talk, stopped apologizing for anything and everything that went wrong as I used to believe it was all my fault regardless of the situation, learned to accept compliments (that was a huge change) and yet the biggest change of all was acknowledging that I wasn’t stupid.  My self-esteem was so low that I truly believed I had nothing to offer.  It took a while to believe in myself and it was the WFS Statements that changed my life completely.  When I took the time to reflect on my competency over the years, I realized I had accomplished a lot in spite of myself.  Yet, it was this Statement that allowed me to believe and accept that I am a smart 4C woman.  It felt awkward at first and now it feels right to say it out loud.

How do you internalize and practice Statement #12?

As you go through your day, focus on what you tell yourself, the words you use to define who you are.

My all-time favorite question is:  I am worthwhile because…

Bonded in accepting, acknowledging and trusting that you are a competent woman and have much to give life, Dee

Hear more about Statement #12 in this video!

Statement 12: Giving Back
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Monday Thoughts 6/14/21

“The tests we face in life’s journey are not to reveal our weaknesses but to help us discover our inner strengths.  We can only know how strong we are when we strive and thrive beyond the challenges we face.”  ~~Kemi Sogunle

“It was so risky and so scary, and yet at the same time, so beautiful.  Maybe the truth was, it shouldn’t be easy to be amazing.  Then everything would be.  It’s the things you fight for and struggle with before earning that have the greatest worth.  When something’s difficult to come by, you’ll do that much more to make sure it’s even harder—if not impossible to lose.”  ~~Sarah Dessen

“Take a limitation and turn it into an opportunity.  Take an opportunity and turn it into an adventure by dreaming BIG!”  ~~Jo Franz

#12 I am a competent woman, and I have much to give life.

This is what I am, and I shall know it always.

Did you feel it?

It was there, overflowing through computer screens, iphones and tablets. It was there in brightly lit rooms and quiet corners, and it was there because YOU DID IT and together, WE DID IT! You and countless other 4C women pulled off something amazing: WFS Conference 2021!   It was like Statement #12 came alive over the weekend!

Our founder, Jean Kirkpatrick, Ph.D., began with a thought….and from that thought came a recovery program designed for women.  Jean knew there was a void and sought to fill it; and WFS was born.  Years later, women continue to gather in support of each other, online, face to face and by phone or text/email.  It is that bond, that connection that envelopes us, creating a bridge to a New Life filled with freedom, possibility, growth.

From our absolutely touching Opening Ceremony to the amazing keynote speakers and connecting breakout sessions, this weekend brought women together.  We laughed, we cried, and we learned.  We felt listened to and heard.  We felt safe and secure.  We felt the untold number of volunteer hours put together from behind the scenes.  We gave our time, talents and donations.  We learned more about ourselves and who we wish to be.  We saw old friends and created new ones.  We embraced our value and worth. We felt the beauty of living a sober and clean life and we opened ourselves up to possibility.  We are competent women and we will know it always!



Hi 4C Women,

So many competent women gathered in one place.  It was amazing.  As many of you know, I have been a part of WFS for over 30 years and it is wonderful that I continue to be blessed with learning life lessons from all these phenomenal 4C women.  I am filled with such peace in the understanding and acceptance that this recovery journey is just that – a journey, not a destination.  Knowing that helps me in those unsettling times when I begin to question why my work is not done.  I am grateful for the awareness that continued growth is what life is all about.

Seasons change and so do I in adapting and creating balance with those changes.  It’s comforting to have this awareness.  Years ago, I was unwilling to change and perhaps that worked in my favor as one of the keynote speakers, Rebecca Ray, shared that we have protectors that help up fight against pain and hurt.  Those protectors worked really hard to block my hurt and it wasn’t their fault that I was fearful of change. They were doing their job.  It was however, as she shared, my responsibility to change how I coped with those hurtful feelings.   I learned that it is important to bring those protectors along the journey, to embrace with them with compassion as we take responsibility in becoming that competent woman we are and always have been.  Ignoring the pain and hurt as we mature blocks our ability to grow emotionally and spiritually.

I have always said that in our life, we are teachers and students.  It’s knowing who we are at any given time.  I can now thank my protectors as I was growing up when I didn’t have much needed coping tools.  As I said, they did their job.  As an adult, I realized I had to work through the hurt and pain to be in charge of my life, to have an emotionally healthy recovery and to show the world that I was indeed a competent woman who had much to give life.

Another speaker, Mary Beth O’Connor, shared how introducing herself as a competent woman was challenging yet after a few weeks, she found herself sitting up straight, feeling empowered.  I love the way she expressed it as a powerful identifier.

While I have always described the italicized part of each Statement as the action part, I appreciated how the first part was described as our “belief.”  So, believing you are competent as the first part of Statement 12 says, the action part is to live it as your daily truth.  I have a 3×5 index card that I carry with me.  On the front is the word STOP!  On the back are words describing who I am today, things I have accomplished and the positive changes I have made in my recovery.  They are my truth.  When the feeling of being incompetent starts to creep in or any negative thoughts about myself, I pull out my card with the truth of who I am today.   I have found it to be useful for several of the Statements.  Here are some questions to get your started on your own STOP! card:

What are 3 or more empowering words to describe yourself?

What positive changes have you made?

What is your personal affirmation?

I am competent in the way I _________________

I have accomplished __________________

What gifts, talents do I possess?

Bonded in knowing “I am possible!” – Dee

Image of a phoenix rising with the words "I'm Possible!

Post-Conference Replay Period Continues Through June 27th!

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Monday Thoughts 3/15/2021

“Define success on your own terms, achieve it by your own rules, and build a life you’re proud to live.” ~~Anne Sweeney

“I am a woman with thoughts and questions and sh*t to say.  I say if I’m beautiful.  I say if I’m strong.  You will not determine my story—I will.”  ~~Amy Schumer

“Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations.  I may not reach them but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow them.”  ~~Louisa May Alcott

#12 I am a competent woman, and I have much to give life.

This is what I am and I shall know it always.

According to Merriam-Webster, competence means “the quality or state of having sufficient knowledge, judgment, skill or strength” et al.  It does not, however, mean that one needs to know it all before embracing or acknowledging competence.  Jean understood this and created this empowering Statement for continued growth and development in living our New Lives.

In our WFS Program booklet it states “Begin each day with an unshakable belief in your own competency.  First the thought, then the reality.  Believing you are a competent woman is giving to life.”  After all the uncertainty that active addiction brings, isn’t it comforting to be connected to and engaged in life?

No one is competent in everything, yet everyone can be competent in something.  Some years ago, while taking an art class at the local library, we sat and drew the still-life set up in front of us.  At the end of class, we lined up our artwork for viewing.  While all the drawings contained the same items, the way each person portrayed the scene was remarkable.  Beautiful styles, lines, shading, and curves were displayed; everything was individual and all were delightful.  Sobriety and recovery can be the same.  No two journeys are exactly alike and no two people are competent in the same areas.  The key is finding your inner connection, what makes you, well you.  No one does you like you do.  You are the best version of you there is.  Embrace yourself!



Hi 4C Women,

Our recovery journey and path are as individual as our skills, talents, gifts and our belief in ourselves.  I remember the first time I facilitated a WFS meeting and told the women attending that we introduce ourselves as competent women for our addiction is not our identity but what we use to cope.  It was challenging to most yet I knew from my own experience that saying it eventually became my truth!  In fact, that introduction is so embedded in my mind that I recently introduced myself as a competent woman at a zoom bible class!

For me, the beauty of WFS is that we may have similar goals, even similar circumstances yet how we reach our goal of sobriety/recovery is comprised of our choices, our personal history and in our own timeframe.  Through it all, however, is the inner knowledge that we are competent and having made the choice of the WFS program in our recovery, that competency will continue to grow and evolve.

Back in 1993, I wrote about my WFS journey and it’s amazing to read how little I thought of myself.  I can honestly attribute my growth to WFS, my learning from other women on this incredible recovery journey and knowing – believing – I am a competent woman.  I will always remember when my ex-husband told me that I would never progress or be successful in life because I read the comics first on Sunday mornings rather than the news.  He insinuated that I could not hold an intelligent conversation because I did not know current events and after all, according to him, you can’t talk small talk all your life.  That one comment only reinforced my low self-esteem and past negative messages implying I was stupid.

In retrospect, I didn’t and still don’t make the connection between searching for humor to start my Sundays and being able to hold an intelligent conversation.  Of course, I also know now that he was insecure, having to prove his intelligence through what he knew and small talk was extremely uncomfortable for him.  I think he was a bit jealous because I could engage in small talk, going deeper only when I sensed the person felt comfortable and there was trust in doing so.  So, saying out loud at a meeting that I am a competent woman took time to internalize as my truth.  Today I can authentically and without hesitation say, I am a competent woman who can engage in diverse forms of communication!

I share this because I understand that Statement #12 can be intimidating and uncomfortable at first.  For some, it may even feel like we are bragging – a feeling that many girls and young women were told was not ladylike and could be seen as conceited (at least when I was growing up).  As you practice Statement #12, I hope you will realize that this Statement is empowering, motivating and definitely achievable.

As Karen said, we all have competency in different areas.  Do you know yours?  Perhaps make a list and read it every day with phrases like, I am worthy, I am enough, I am responsible, I am a 4C woman today and then add specifics, i.e., I am good at organizing, listening, technology (that will not be on my list!), being a good friend, detail oriented, cooking, creative – the list is yours to create.

Bonded in knowing you have much to give life, acknowledging your talents, skills, gifts and value with assertiveness – no apologies for the recognition.  You are a competent woman – know it, believe it and live it, Dee

In Case You Missed It!

Get the latest News and Announcements in the WFS March 2021 Newsletter

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Monday Thoughts 12/14/2020


“Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.”  ~~E.E. Cummings

“You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”  ~~Eleanor Roosevelt

“Trust yourself.  Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life.  Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.”  ~~Golda Meir

#12 I am a competent woman, and I have much to give life.

This is what I am, and I shall know it always.

Unaware of negative internal dialogue, it was inevitable to feel less than or not enough.  Add to this a laser-focused comparison to others, healthy self-esteem was not possible or even compatible. Alcohol compounded the doubt, insecurity, and fears, which led to extreme feelings of incompetence and worthlessness. Yet sobriety and Statement #12 in action lay a foundation for self-worth and ability to flourish.

Why is it easier to recognize competence in family, friends, or others, yet more difficult to embrace within ourselves?  For women in recovery, it is important to embrace this quality within ourselves.  In our WFS Program booklet it states “By releasing the baggage of self-denial about ourselves and our abilities, we can free ourselves from feelings of guilt, despair, and unworthiness.  We are competent women, capable of great accomplishment, when we nurture a belief in ourselves.  Begin each day with an unshakable belief in your own competency.  First the thought, then the reality.”

Self-imaging and affirmations are two tools which can aid in practicing Statement #12.  Self-imaging, the art of imagining who or where we would like to be, (either spoken or written in detail) along with daily affirmations can increase our acceptance of ourselves.  Here are a few examples to begin with:

  1. I am a capable, competent, caring, and compassionate woman.
  2. I am enough and I am doing my best.
  3. I love myself and my body and treat myself with compassion.
  4. I am dedicated to taking small actions each day towards my goals.

What other affirmations will you add?



Hi 4C Women,

It took quite a while to erase, even quiet down the negative self-talk I had in my head for so many years.  Comparison was my daily thought.  Drinking seemed to be the answer to quiet those negative images of who I thought I was.  Of course, that was definitely not true because the pain remained and my self-esteem remained damaged.  Gladly, through WFS, I learned that the way to becoming the 4C woman I had sadly trapped with drinking to squash those painful feelings of unworthiness, was to unravel those false perceptions I bought into.  I needed to unwrap the woman I was smothering with alcohol, to discover the woman I needed to be and could be with just changing the way I defined myself.  In other words, I needed to rethink and behave my way through to the present truth.  I realized I was trapped by old thinking, old messages that no longer held strength in the woman I was working so hard to release from the past.  I understood that my beliefs were from others who were authority figures in my growing up years or loved ones who had their own baggage they unpacked and put in my suitcases.  I also came to understand that it was me who kept those painful beliefs active and current into my adulthood.  Any traumatic or unpleasant event only proved that everyone was right about me rather than accepting and knowing that life is full of hurtful moments and joyful ones as well.  I realized I was focused only on the negative events.  Statement #12 was one of the most difficult ones for me to process.  Years of believing I was anything but incompetent seemed unnatural for me to embrace, to acknowledge both competency and having much to give life!  However, being a persistent woman and determined to keep moving forward, I began to challenge how I defined myself.  The first time our group had to list 50 positive terms to describe ourselves, I was stuck at 3 and that was a challenge all in itself.  This was a big wake-up call.  I even provided the group a list of positive characteristics to help in the process.  Eventually, with hard work and confidence, I was able to list more than 3 words!

I have a paper dated 2015, on Self-Esteem and Substance Abuse as it related to Statement #12.  There were some common characteristics of people with low self-esteem.   The top one was negative self-talk, then frequently apologizing, focusing on “perceived” flaws and weaknesses, seeking constant reassurance from others and not feeling better even with positive feedback, refusing to accept compliments or denying positive comments you get, tending to be a perfectionist who’s afraid of failure.  Fortunately, there were constructive ways to build self-esteem and I’d like to share them.

  • Make lists, rereading them often and rewriting them from time to time (the exercise I described above).  These lists can include your strengths, things you admire about yourself, i.e., healthy relationships/spirituality/emotional growth.
  • Five greatest achievements/accomplishments in your life so far.  (I took my driving test 3 times as a 16-year-old before I passed and in the past 13 years have driven to PA/NJ by myself.  Now I consider that quite an accomplishment.)
  • Things you can do to make yourself laugh.
  • Things you could do to help someone else.
  • Things that you do that make you feel good about yourself.
  • Develop a personal positive affirmation.  (This is so important.  I use to look in the mirror every morning and tell myself that I was stupid, fat and ugly.  When I think of that now, I cringe.  The first time I looked in the mirror and said that I loved me, I knew I was on my way to building my self-esteem and that is my wish for each of you.)

Bonded in knowing you are unique and loved and deserving of loving yourself, Dee


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Monday Thoughts 9/14/2020

“The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity.”  Amelia Earhart

“Done is better than perfect.” ~~Sheryl Sandberg

“Stay afraid, but do it anyway.  What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident, just do it and eventually the confidence will follow.”  ~~Carrie Fisher

#12 I am a competent woman, and I have much to give life.

This is what I am and I shall know it always.

Over 14 years ago, sobriety scared me senseless. I knew for an exceedingly long time that alcohol was a problem in my life (though I did not realize at the time how life-threatening it was) and I had no clue how to move forward.  Yet one day, I acted.  Today, life is vastly different from those first few months because of the WFS New Life Program and the practice of Statement #12.

For years, conditioning myself with negative assumptions became a self-fulfilling prophecy.  I reminded myself of failures and wallowed in self-pity.  Clearing my mind of alcohol, grasping empowering thoughts and reframing conversations became easier.  Soon I was moving away from negative self-talk into becoming my own cheerleader.

Statement #12 in action is our personal promoter. Simple repetition of even just the first five words of this empowering Statement can alter our direction.  It is a building block of stable recovery and with continued practice can assist us in setting new goals and achievements.  One of my early goals was to make the bed each day. Now, it is automatic.  The same is true for many aspects of my life.  As I begun to believe in the smaller truths, it created a sturdy and healthy foundation for larger truths.  Believing in myself more, the more I began to try.  Of course, success did not come each time, today I understand the trying is more important than immediate success.

How do you encourage yourself?  What does it look/sound like?  How does it feel?

What is one thing that you can try this week that you have been hesitating on?



Hi 4C Women,

Oh, how I love Karen’s message and especially that we are our own personal promoter.  Nina and I once did a workshop at the WFS conference on being your own best friend.  It opened my eyes to how we can encourage and support others yet struggle with empowering ourselves.  Why does it feel wrong to be our own cheerleader?  Is it an old message from our youth or societal restrictions that to compliment and acknowledge our successes and outstanding characteristics is being self-centered or conceited, especially for women?   A lot has changed since my youth and adulthood and all I can say is, “thank goodness.” Expressing our talents, gifts,successes and positive qualities is more accepted in today’s world and for me, it makes saying Statement #12 out loud so much easier and truthful!  I believe I am a competent woman and have much to give life.  Do you believe this is your truth?  Are you comfortable at this point in your recovery to admit just how empowered and competent you are?  If not, what is the stumbling block in creating and believing this to be your truth?   What action steps can you take to move forward in accepting Statement #12?

Another workshop Nina and I presented was Powerful You in which we discussed what is real power, why and how we hide our power.

Here are some of the questions we presented to the participants:

1.   In your family, what rules or messages were you given to hide your power? Examples: Don’t brag, you’ll get a big head, negative consequences to feeling confident, angry/rageful parent made it feel unsafe to express yourself fully.

2.   Which ways do you hide your power?

a. Your thoughts – how you think about yourself. Would you speak to your friends the way you speak to yourself?

b. Your words – what you say.  Do your words diminish or empower you? Do they command respect or do they minimize your sense of worth?

c.  Your actions – what you do or don’t do.  Change your behavior by knowing what you will stop doing and what you will start doing to build your knowledge/feeling of being a competent woman.  Write it down. This goes back to the question Karen asked about trying one thing this week that you have been hesitating on.

Real power is the energy that fuels our actions.  It comes from living with integrity, from aligning your thoughts, words and actions with the deepest part of who you are.  And who you are is a competent woman who has much to give life.

Bonded in believing/knowing you are a competent woman now and always, Dee

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Monday Thoughts 6/15/2020

“If you want to go fast, go alone.  If you want to go far, go together.”  ~~African Proverb

“Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.” ~~Helen Keller

“Find a group of people who challenge and inspire you, spend a lot of time with them, and it will change your life.”  ~~Amy Poehler


#12 I am a competent woman, and I have much to give life.

This is what I am, and I shall know it always.



WE DID IT!  The 2020 WFS Annual Conference may officially be over, but the connection and love remains.  From shore to shore, women across the world came together in the only way that we could this year: virtually.  Imagine, in about 10 weeks’ time, YOU dear competent women, put your strengths together and assembled the first ever WFS Virtual Conference.  What a shining example of Statement #12 in action!

Doubt and uncertainty did not have a chance this weekend as 4C women everywhere came together to bring this event to life  What we were able to experience the past 3 days was the culmination of determination, passion and of course, love!  From our Opening Ceremony on Friday night, the exceptional breakout sessions, and keynote speakers to our Closing ceremony on Sunday afternoon, every Statement was in full action this weekend.  We experienced laughter, we experienced enthusiasm and we experienced connection and love!

Aside from a few minor technical hiccups, Envision It 2020 was a smashing success!  A record number of women signed up this year and while we are still working on gathering all the final numbers, our total amount raised has reached $95K!! WOWWOWWOWWOW!!!! The open-house sessions last week helped us learn how to use the software beforehand, and there were activities all weekend long to keep us connected while we eagerly awaited each session.  Women connected in our virtual dorm area, while you shared your thoughts for the future vision of WFS on our virtual vision board.  You donated your time, your talent and shared in making this weekend exceedingly beautiful. Remember, the recordings will be available the rest of this week!

We are capable, competent, caring, and compassionate!  WE ARE 4C!

If you were able to attend this year, what was your greatest takeaway?  If you were not able to attend, it is a great time to start planning for next year!




Hi 4C Women,

My greatest takeaway was the reinforcement of why I value and treasure the WFS Program.  I became sober in 1988 and what drew me to the program and continues to keep me sober and wanting to share this with women everywhere are several things:

· Building self-esteem – I am a competent woman. I am empowered.   I had a problem that once had me.  I am no longer stuck in the past feeling guilt and shame over my past mistakes and choices.  I have learned from them and built a phenomenal toolbox of coping skills.   My goal, through WFS, has always been to heal and part of that is letting go of labels and forgiving myself.  I do not deny that my past has made me who I was, yet I have worked hard on healing and forgiving myself for what I cannot change.   I continue to move forward in the process of healing.  As Jean said, this is not a competition.  We have diverse backgrounds and what matters is that our substance use created a problem in our lives and a big part of the process for me was in learning to love myself, to develop healthy relationships beginning with myself and extending to others.

· If any woman relapses, WFS is a safe place to share.  There will be encouragement and support.  Hopefully, there will be a learning process for each individual to understand what happened and to gain new coping tools.   I also appreciate greatly that while we do not count days in WFS, we honor and celebrate the positive emotional and personal growth changes women make on their recovery journey.  Our philosophy is that no matter how long you have been sober and if you relapse, there is much you have learned about yourself.    You are not the same person and that is important to remember.  You are not starting over but continuing on your personal path.   We are happy to celebrate milestones if a woman chooses to do so. What I have done is ask the woman what positive changes she has made during this time.  It is the inside changes, the new coping tools and healing that makes the difference in building self-esteem and personal growth.

· Our guidelines are all about showing compassion, respect and sharing of our personal experiences that may help a woman seeking input.

This is all about learning to be responsible for our own decisions, actions, and healing yet we are not alone.  We are bonded together in overcoming our addictions.  TOGETHER is the key word!  Am I fired up after this virtual conference?  You bet I am!  It was amazing and the incredible women who put all this together are beyond description.

Competent women bonded together in overcoming our addictions, Dee

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Monday Thoughts 3/16/2020

She remembered who she was and the game changed.”  ~~Lalah Deliah

“Fear, to a great extent, is born of a story we tell ourselves, and so I chose to tell myself a different story from the one women are told.  I decided I was safe.  I was strong.  I was brave.  Nothing could vanquish me.  Insisting on this story was a form of mind control, but for the most part it worked.”  ~~Cheryl Strayed

“I can be changed by what happens to me.  But I refuse to be reduced by it.  ~~Maya Angelou

#12 I am a competent woman, and I have much to give life.

 This is what I am, and I shall know it always.

Everywhere you look it seems as if Covid-19 is taking over every conversation.  This can instill a sense of fear, especially of the unknown.  As our society takes measures to contain and continue on, Statement #12 can be effective in maintaining a sense of balance, strength and ability.

Statement #12 affirms that we are competent women.  Jean knew of our strengths; that we are fierce women and able to do what we set our mind to.  It begins with a daily repetition of “I am a competent woman.” These empowering words assist in focusing our minds and abilities. No matter the challenge we can rise to meet it.

You are encouraged to focus on self-care during this time of imbalance.  Pay attention to what you are feeling and takes steps to self-soothe in ways that instill hope, well-being and comfort.  Our WFS Online Forum is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  You can access it by clicking on the Community tab on our website or click here

Statement #12 Tool: Bring fear to the surface.  Is there something that you are afraid of?  Bring it out, whether on paper, on the phone or in person.  With our tech advances, it can feel uncomfortable to look someone straight in the eye and tell them about our fear.  Overcoming this fear begins with examining it under a microscope. Share with someone you are comfortable with. Dive deep into where it originates and be sure to take breaks from the news or social media and spend time outdoors.  Find a comfortable spot and inhale.  Smell the late winter winds or early spring breezes.  Connect with the moment and remember to savor each of your successes.  Here are additional resources:



Hi 4C Women,

Karen expressed so well how to redirect our fears in ways to create hope, well-being and comfort.  It is wise to take precautions yet it is important to develop a balance in order to utilize our competency to our best advantage.

The tool for bringing fear to the surface was something I have experienced in the WFS group.  I feel safe because I know I won’t be judged or told I “shouldn’t” have done that or what I “should” do now.   Sharing in a safe environment is sometimes all we need, to say it out loud, to give pause and consider why we made certain choices, and most importantly, to learn from our experiences.  This is true for both mistakes and successful outcomes.

A while back, I was reading Dr. Phil’s “Self-Matters” book and he had some insightful questions that reflect Statement #12:

I am best in situations that…

What keeps me going is …?

I changed the wording on this question a little bit to reflect more of Statement #12:

How do your thoughts and attitudes advance and protect your well-being?

Do your thoughts and beliefs get you what you want?

In order to practice and believe that you are a competent woman, I have found that questions which have a more positive slant, work best for me.  In the past, it was easy to expound on my faults and mistakes and quickly explain how my negative thoughts and beliefs somehow protected me.  To say what I was best in took forever to think of even one, yet alone, two things.  It also felt conceited, wrong and false to share out loud.    Again, practicing Statement #12 took me out of my comfort zone into finally acknowledging that I am good at many things, that my beliefs and thoughts can get me what I want.  It’s knowing what I want that changed my negative thoughts.  It’s hard to have a healthy recovery if I kept thinking I was unworthy, a nothing, invisible, unimportant to this world and definitely unlovable.  Those thoughts got me nowhere.  I wanted to be that competent woman who had much to give life. WFS got me on the road to healthy self-esteem, worthiness, self-respect and self-love.  Big lesson is that no matter where you begin this recovery journey, no matter your age, your history, it’s what you are willing to do to be that 4C woman that’s been there all along.  Rather than numbing your pain, running from fear, it’s the freedom of creating a New Life that tells you each and every day that you are a competent woman and have much to give life.  This is who you are and you shall know it always.  Love, Dee

WFS Annual Weekend Conference
June 12th – 14th, 2020
Hamline University
Saint Paul, MN
Pre-Conference Activities Begin June 11th

Registration Open Now!

2-night registration fees cover:
  • Friday & Saturday night lodging (except Day Pass)
  • 6 meals – Friday dinner through Sunday lunch at noon
  • 3 large group sessions
  • 4 breakout periods – choose from 16 amazing workshops
  • WFS meetings, icebreakers, informal activities, and workshops Thursday through Sunday
Residence Hall Lodging 2 nights Add Thursday night lodging
Double room** $275 +$50
Single room $350 +$70
Apartment Lodging  
Double room $350 +$70
Single room $430 +$90
Day Pass (No Lodging) $200 $220

Read more about lodging options, agenda, workshops, and more on the 2020 Conference webpage!

Love Can Change the Course of my World. Caring is all-important. – Friday Morning (9:00 a.m. to Noon)

We are all in need of healing! Television, Movies, News, Politics, Scandals in the Church, Climate Change, negative reinforcement abounds!!! Is healing even possible in a world that is so wounded? Because I choose to believe in miracles, I lean in the direction of “YES! Healing is possible!” The ability to receive and give love is an art form rooted in healing that is our birth-right. Together, we will practice sharing the vision of our hearts longing and uncover and discover the transformative power of self-love. As we learn to love ourselves, we heal from the inside out.

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Monday Thoughts 12/16/2019

“Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.”  ~T.S. Eliot

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.  You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror.  I can take the next thing that comes along.”  ~~Eleanor Roosevelt

“Real courage is when you know you’re licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what.”  ~~Harper Lee


#12 I am a competent woman and have much to give life.

This is what I am and I shall know it always.


 A number of women I know include courage as the 5th ‘C’…. Capable, competent, caring, compassionate and courageous when describing themselves in their New Life.  It takes courage to live in sobriety and recovery, and Statement #12 in action enables endurance and spirit.

Feelings of guilt, shame or failure can run rampant in active addiction.  Yet paradoxically it is those small daily victories that over time compound and grow, blossoming into a sturdy foundation of ability.  I still recall and relish the thrill of marking off each month of sobriety that first year.

One of the ways that I have practiced Statement #12 is to challenge myself.  Whenever something felt scary or unsteady, instead of turning away, I moved closer to that fear.  I put my hands on my hips and stand tall, much like the Fearless Girl Statue who resides in Manhattan, or Superwoman.  In our WFS Program booklet, it states “First the thought, then the reality.  Believing you are a competent woman is giving life to life.”




Hi 4C Women,

I love the 5th C for courageous as I see each woman who walks through the doors for the first time to attend a meeting as extremely courageous.  I am also appreciating and feeling deep compassion for those who have suffered losses and still continue to work on or maintain their recovery.  I have 2 friends who have lost their adult children within the last 3 weeks.  My heart breaks and I am without the right words to express it fully.  Statement #12 for me is about the inner strength we possess and how we have each other to lean on in both joyful and sad times.  I couldn’t imagine being on this journey alone.  My soul is fed at each meeting as I am privileged to witness each woman’s willingness to care for each other, to build each other up and listen to each other while building their own self-esteem.

Statement #12 is also about accepting where we are right now, to persevere in moving forward with forgiveness, self-care, kindness and love.  It takes a lot of competency to recognize and acknowledge a need for personal change and then to follow through with practicing the WFS program.  I struggled at first to say “I am a competent woman” yet each time I said the words, it felt authentic and finally one day, I truly believed it.  Nancy Cross once wrote that when we run from our challenges, we kill our power.  We strangle our strength.  No more running or hiding.  We will survive and it will be with the support and encouragement of those who understand, without explanation.  Just as my friends are suffering greatly, my hope is that they will lean upon and find the beginnings of healing from the love and support of those who care.

Bonded in being 4 and 5C women together!  your WFS sister

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Monday Thoughts 6/17/2019

Monday Thoughts

“Sometimes you don’t realize your own strength until you come face to face with your greatest weakness.” ~~Susan Gale

“There are better starters than me but I’m a strong finisher.” ~~Usain Bolt

“I like feeling strong. It keeps my mental floor higher.” ~~Pink

Statement #12
  I am a competent woman, and have much to give life.
This is what I am, and I shall know it always.

It was truly an honor to be surrounded by so many strong women last week. It was simply a joy to be witness to such incredible strength; each woman has their own story and mountains to climb yet the cumulative strength made each of the Statements come vibrantly alive.

Statement #12 can feel difficult to practice at certain times. Depending on our physical, emotional or spiritual energy, one day it is easy to climb that mountain and at other times each step forward can feel immense. Yet, it is the understanding and knowing of our competence that lays a sturdy foundation to navigate future uncertainties.

In our WFS Program booklet it states, “Each of us is unique and has something very special to give. Claiming and accepting our own competence is a vital aspect of our New Life.” We can ask ourselves the following questions: Are you aware of you uniqueness? Do you claim your own competence? How can you better accept your strengths and abilities?


Hi 4C Women,

Do you remember the first time you introduced yourself as a competent woman at a WFS meeting? Did you believe it? Did you resist saying it and silently tell yourself that not only is that not true but it will never be your truth? I felt that way in the beginning yet had to believe that Jean Kirkpatrick knew instinctively that if we spoke it aloud often enough, it would eventually become our truth. For me, I finally believed I was a competent woman and started to uncover and discover what I had to give – to myself, to loved ones and mostly where my passion for life existed. Being numb and angry most of the time put up very tall and solid walls, not allowing myself to feel or believe anything positive about myself.

I worked for a non-profit for 25 1/2 years. Even when I was promoted to be a department director, I couldn’t understand what they saw in me because I still didn’t believe in myself. However, that belief in me and the WFS Statements were the turning points in my thinking, my life.  It is those negative messages that might bring us back to the times we weren’t able or ready to face struggles. WFS provides the tools to guide us in building our self-esteem so that we authentically believe we are competent women. I encourage you to have a positive message created just by you and for you that can be used against that inner critic of old messages. Just knock that critic off your shoulder and speak your truth.

I understand how challenging it can be to work through years of pain, hurt and feeling unworthy yet I am a firm believer that it can be done!  As Karen shared, Statement #12 can feel difficult at times. We need to be willing to work on our self-esteem so when those low times happen in our lives, we are prepared to be our own best friend and support our well-being. Call it a self-esteem check up when you begin hearing those old negative messages. Refute them and even when you don’t believe, practice saying, “I am a competent woman and have much to give life.”

Bonded in believing we are competent women,
a 4C sister

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Monday Thoughts 9/17/2018

Monday Thoughts

“Have a vision.  It is the ability to see the invisible.  If you can see the invisible, you can achieve the impossible.”  ~~Shiv Khera

“It shouldn’t be easy to be amazing.  Then everything would be.  It’s the things you fight for and struggle with before earning that have the greatest worth.  When something’s difficult to come by, you’ll do that much more to make sure it’s even harder –or impossible to lose.”  ~~Sarah Dessen  Along for the Ride

“For success, attitude is equally as important as ability.”  ~~Walter Scott


Statement 12
I am a competent woman and have much to give life.
This is what I am and I shall know it always.


Over the last few months, numerous women have asked for me to share how I was able to quit smoking using the WFS New Life Program.  Sobriety and Statement #12 helped tremendously to achieve this goal and while WFS focuses on alcohol and/or substance abuse, I am now eight plus years smoke free thanks in part to the WFS Statements.

Around three years into my New Life, I began to think about quitting smoking.  In Goodbye Hangovers Hello Life, Jean encourages the reader to quit and lists many of the long-term effects of smoking.  While devoting less than three pages to the subject, this made a lasting impression and I began to ruminate on how to quit.

The beautiful words in Statement #12 began the process to quit smoking and encouraged me to keep going.  This Statement was saying that I was competent, even though I felt I wasn’t when it came to quitting smoking.  Already feeling somewhat competent in recovery, I began to create a plan of success to quit.

Organizing this new goal, I needed to change the way I felt about smoking.  It was a love/hate relationship.  Intellectually I knew the dangers of smoking; sadly, my mom had passed away from emphysema/ COPD at the age of 72 yet cravings helped keep my habit alive.  Through WFS, I had begun to understand the connection between thinking and creating, (Statement #5) so I started to tell myself whenever I smoked that “this cigarette tastes terrible” or “this smells awful.”  Time and time again I repeated these phrases and before long, the smokes tasted and smelled exactly as I had thought.

After six months of these repeated affirmations, I wrote out 13 benefits to quitting.  I listed one for each Statement.  Fresh smelling clothing and hair, breathing easier, and saving money were just a few of the benefits on this list.  I carried this list in my pocket, so that even while I was smoking, I could read and affirm my decision.

Purposely, I had not given myself a quit date.  A quit date would shift my focus from healthy preparation to unhealthy avoidance.  If I knew the date, I would have focused my attention on what I felt I was losing instead of compiling tools for success.   My husband decided to join me in this effort and together we began to look at a time frame.  Still avoiding a set date, but setting intention, we chose springtime, once spring arrived, we then decided in April, and then to keep the uncertainty going, we decided to quit when our last carton of cigarettes was gone.  Right then and there I became a non-smoker.

By now, I had associated the benefits of quitting with the empowering WFS Statements and I turned to these as the hours ticked by.  Knowing the first three days would be the most difficult, I kept a plastic drinking straw cut in half near me and chewed on the end whenever a craving hit hard.  Driving proved to be the most difficult, that particular association was quite strong, but using Statement #12 I proved stronger. Additionally, having a partner to discuss how I was feeling, or when a craving appeared helped a great deal as well.   We were not an easy couple to be around those first days!

As it happens, the Gulf Oil spill occurred within the first 24 hours of quitting, so each time I heard the news, I became aware of how many days it was since the oil had started to leak. (I almost felt as if the news folks were keeping track along with me!)  Soon the days turned into a week, and the weeks into a month.  Cravings came and went but it began to become easier.  Feeling better physically, I embraced what I had just accomplished.  I quit smoking cold turkey and moved through cravings and impulses using the tools that I had learned in sobriety and recovery.  Around 5 years smoke free, I joined an online support system to learn more and discovered a tool which calculates how much life has been added back because of quitting and how much money saved.  To date, I have added a year and eight months back to my life and saved over $13, 440 dollars. (that’s $26,880 with my husband!)  To celebrate our success, we bought a travel trailer with our savings.  This led to the discovery of a lovely area downstate full of fishing and spectacular sunrises.  Now, eight years later, we have sold our travel trailer and moved our home next to this beautiful river.

Life is good breathing free!

Some tips to consider:
1.       Plan ahead but try to avoid a set date.
2.       Define your relationship with smoking and change it.
3.       Identify your benefits from quitting.
4.       Quit together.  Use this Forum or try the one I use



Hi 4C Women,

Never having smoked but knew so many women who did, I began to learn what a challenge it was to quit.  And just as Karen did, others started using the 13 Statements to help them quit alcohol/drugs and smoking.  Being healthy is a worthwhile goal and I have to say Karen’s questions do apply as well to recovery.  I thought of my relationship with alcohol and what would be the benefits of sobriety.  I loved thinking about what I would gain from sobriety rather than what I was giving up.  And the end result from all of the questions, struggles and changes was this – “I am a competent woman and much to give life.  This is what I am and shall know it always.”  As you begin to see your value, think about what you tell yourself each day.  Are the words encouraging, powerful and kind?  Do you believe in your heart that you are competent, that you have much to give life?  This Statement and its meaning will set you free to achieve self-love, self-worth and self-confidence.

Bonded in competency,

4C WFS Member