“Trying to do it all and expecting that it all can done exactly right is a recipe for disappointment. Perfection is the enemy.”
“The success of every woman should be the inspiration to another. We should raise each other up. Make sure you’re very courageous: be strong, be extremely kind, and above all be humble.”
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face…. You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
#12 I am a competent woman, and I have much to give life.
This is what I am and I shall know it always.
In our WFS Reflections for Growth booklet our founder, Jean Kirkpatrick, Ph.D., writes “As women, we have a special kind of force within us that must be left loose to grow. When it is in full power—and when we are in control of that force that is us—we have an unlimited range of marvelous possibilities for life. Part of that force is being competent as women.” Jean knew that with sobriety and recovery, every single woman has within her everything needed to be capable, competent, caring, and compassionate.
Alcohol or drugs inhibit any belief in self. How could I be capable of anything, (much less competent) when alcohol had such a deep hold? It was as if it whispered in my ear “…you can’t…you’ll fail…you’ll never….” repeatedly and I easily believed it. Soon thoughts of “why bother” or “that’s way too hard” joined in the negativity while feelings of uselessness took over. It was a deeply painful way to live.
Sobriety and Statement #12 in action change that negativity into opportunity. Being able to stay sober for one hour, one day, one week to one month was creating a sturdy base to feel abilities grow, shift and absorb new information. Eventually, I began challenging myself to try something new or what I doubted myself in. For example, I doubted becoming a Certified Facilitator, but felt the fear and did it anyway. A dozen years later, I still find ways to increase my abilities. Using Statement #12 as a mantra, the words are encouraging which cements even the smallest of gains. This Statement is my go-to when I feel overwhelmed or unable to manage something. This week, take a moment to acknowledge your abilities, especially what you have overcome. Also, investigate where you can challenge yourself and find new adventures!
Hi 4C Women,
I am drawn to this Statement whenever I begin to feel overwhelmed, lacking confidence in completing what needs to be done or even making a necessary decision. I accept that being overwhelmed is a natural response when my plate feels overflowing with responsibilities. I let that thought alert me to remember and believe that I am a competent woman. As a life learner of feelings, I don’t judge my fearful or negative self-talk but have awareness in order to reflect on them. As a competent woman, I recognize I cannot do everything. That doesn’t change the knowledge of being competent but creates the awareness that I can choose a different approach by taking a break, practicing self-care, journaling my feelings, or calling for help as those are some choices competent and confident woman can take.
WFS has taught me to be more mindful of my feelings, validate and embrace them, seeking healthy solutions when fear or negativity shows up. It reminds me of a garden. There are weeds that try to overtake the beautiful flowers so lovingly planted. Do we bemoan and feel hopeless or pull the weeds out to highlight the beauty of the garden? And the thing about weeds is that they are persistent and keep coming back. That is why it’s important to be aware of their appearance, and deal with them as best we can by nurturing what you intended your garden to be. This is how I look at Statement #12. I nurture and honor what I have accomplished whether it is a successful outcome to a challenge or an insight that provides emotional growth and understanding. Each positive choice creates a stronger feeling of competence. It holds me up when some situations create questioning of my abilities. I keep telling myself “I can” as I accept my authentic feelings and give myself time and thought to figure out what direction to take that supports my well-being.
I encourage you to think of your purpose in this life. Having much to give life is a wonderful reminder in Statement #12. Being a facilitator has been my greatest purpose and it is part of how I learned to be competent and give back what has been so generously given.
Is there someone you feel safe with to voice your fears and concerns and ask for help without judgment? I feel so strongly that asking for help, to be heard is a win-win situation. I feel honored when someone reaches out to me. To understand that they trust me enough to know I will listen, and feel compassion for them. Remember that if you are hesitant to make that call.
Do you have a self-care practice that helps your well-being when feeling overwhelmed or lacking confidence in your ability to handle a situation? It can be as easy as playing a favorite song, watching a comedy, taking a short car ride, walking outside to smell the crisp air, watching birds chirping, or calling that person who offers a safe haven. All positive distractions while you take a break and just breathe.
How do you validate your strengths? This is so crucial. I use to be able to make a long, very long list of my weaknesses. Thankfully, WFS is all about being our own cheerleader, validating our strengths as we gain confidence. I encourage you to make that list and whenever you feel doubt about your competency, take out that list and just say, “WOW, I’m good!”
Bonded in celebrating all you have given and knowing you have and will continue to create all the 4C competencies you need in your recovery, Dee
WFS is proud to announce the start of a new Regional Video meeting!
Fridays at 4:00 pm
Start Date: 9/16/2022
Please email [email protected] with questions and to obtain the exact location of the meeting.
Please join us in extending our gratitude to the volunteer Certified Facilitator who has made the commitment to bring her second meeting to her local community!
If you are feeling inspired to bring WFS to your local community, please review the requirements for becoming a Certified Facilitator at https://womenforsobriety.org and apply here.