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“Today I want you to think about all that you are instead of all that you are not.”
“A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because her trust is not in the branch but in her own wings. Always believe in yourself.”
“Never hold yourself back from trying something new just because you’re afraid you won’t be good enough. You’ll never get the opportunity to do your best work if you’re not willing to first do your worst and then let yourself learn and grow.”
#12 I am a competent woman, and have much to give life.
This is what I am, and I shall know it always.
Feelings of shame over alcohol use canceled my feeling able to manage daily tasks, relationships and simply living a semi-regular life. It happened slowly and over time that I did not even notice that my attitudes and behaviors were changing and not for the better. I had become increasingly negative and quickly lost faith in my abilities. Even those things which I considered a fun activity felt overwhelmingly difficult if not impossible. I felt weaker inside and out but sobriety and Statement #12 in action helped change that.
Statement #12, a part of Level 3 in the WFS New Life Program, offers a way to create and practice a new view of ourselves. Instead of focusing on inabilities or lack, I can adjust my thoughts and reframe any situation. Initially, it was difficult to make this shift, but it was simply a habit that needed changing. Knowing it was nothing more than a habit (which helped me remove judgments about it) I could make different choices. Over time I created healthier habits and proved to myself that YES, I CAN.
Today I embrace my strengths while also being on the lookout for those old habits, which on occasion can make an appearance, especially during times of stress. When self-doubt arises, I check in and see if balance needs to be restored, or identify what other actions can be taken. Comparing myself to myself before sobriety and recovery always works to alleviate self-doubt. After all, I am a 4C woman!
Hi 4C Women,
This Statement is so crucial to moving forward, to believing we are competent women and living the New Life we yearn for and work so hard to achieve. I recently learned that a participant in the group I facilitate has passed away at her own hands. It broke my heart. I sobbed tears of great sadness. I wish she could have believed her life was worth saving, worth living. After all these years, I want so much for every woman who finds WFS to stay the course. Part of that is staying connected by attending meetings, being willing to seek support and encouragement when needed, sharing authentic feelings without fear of judging – which is part of the guidelines of WFS that I love – and being part of the WFS online community which offers phenomenal caring and lots of meetings.
Karen’s last two sentences spoke volumes to me and hopefully to every woman who is questioning her competency. It’s important to not compare ourselves to anyone else’s recovery path. Jean Kirkpatrick spoke about this a lot. We only need to compare ourselves to who we were, who we are becoming to keep our self-doubt at bay. I find that when I feel overwhelmed, I do a check-in as Karen suggested. It usually does mean I am out of balance, doing too much, not reaching out for help, and doubting myself because I think I “should” (my least favorite word) do it all!
Here are some questions to consider in valuing who you are at this very moment:
What positive words do I speak to myself each day? List as many as you can:
I am worthwhile because:
What motivates me to keep trying?
What do I say to myself when self-doubt comes in?
In what ways do you advocate for yourself even when you feel unsure?
Bonded in believing in yourself, your worth, your competency, and knowing you have much to give life, Dee
As I finished writing this, I decided to go outside and sit on the porch to read and observe. It’s 1:30 p.m. in AL and over 70 degrees. I noticed how blue the sky was and all of a sudden, I see a bright white half-moon peeking through the sky. The birds were singing, there was a slight breeze and I found myself enthralled in the beauty of nature that I might have missed completely. I had my treasured moment for the day!
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