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Monday Thoughts 4/12/2021

“Happiness is a direction, not a place.”  ~~Sydney J Harris

“It is not about how much we have but how much we enjoy that makes happiness.”  ~~Charles Spurgeon

“Learn to value yourself, which means, fight for your happiness.”  ~~Ayn Rand


#3 Happiness is a habit I am developing.

Happiness is created not waited for.


Last week, I reached a milestone that initially felt impossible; 14 years of sobriety.  This is a testament to the many changes that I continue to make, both large and small and everything in between.  It is through the WFS New Life Program that connections are made and cherished, continuing clarity grows and most importantly, adaptability takes center stage.  Statement #3 is critical to creating, adapting and maintaining sobriety and recovery.

In our WFS Program booklet, our founder, Jean Kirkpatrick, Ph. D, writes, “For many years, I was convinced that some people were just naturally happy and others were not.  And most of the time, I was not happy, I was too deep into feeling sorry for myself, waiting for the time when everything in my life would miraculously change, and then instant happiness would follow.  Happiness never came to me until I learned that the secret of making it for myself, of finding an inner glow that somehow made all other things right.” This is an empowering shift that helps create the happiness we desire.

Instant happiness cannot be made without awareness or effort.  Much like making instant oatmeal or mashed potatoes, there is a process that takes place beforehand.  Seeds must be planted, grown and gathered.  Ingredients are then collected and blended.  Packaging, delivery and stocking take place before you purchase and then finally you can add hot water to create a seemingly instant meal.  Happiness falls into the same process.  Just like Jean, it is up to each individual to create their own recipe, live the process and cultivate their happiness.  What will you create today?

Hugzzz

Karen


Hi 4C women,

First, let me wish Karen congratulations on 14 years of sobriety.  Her writings continue to inspire me and I am grateful for her sharing this beautiful gift with all of us.

Creating happiness this past year has been difficult for many of us and yet perhaps needed more than ever before to counteract our isolation, loneliness and loss that comes in diverse forms.  I have learned over the years to create my own happiness so it was a bit surprising that I didn’t have more resiliency in keeping happiness alive and well during the pandemic.  I often think of Jean’s words that we wait for the big moments of life – graduations, weddings, reunions – to define our happiness.  Those are the high points of life.  We must create the others (happiness) out of the threads of everyday ordinary living.  Perhaps this is where the struggle has been this past year – the major change in our everyday ordinary living.

There seems to be nothing ordinary about it in reflection on how our everyday lives use to be.  I have heard the words boring, lonely and frustrating over and over again.  I’ve said those words myself.  What helps me the most is that we are going through this together.  In the past, I felt as though expressing my sadness and pretending I was okay, even faking happiness, was what was expected of me.  Now we are a collective group of women, experiencing similar feelings and the support has been absolutely amazing.  It is a powerful gift to be standing together, helping those who need it most and bringing to light one of the most empowering gifts of WFS – HOPE.

After each meeting, phone call, text or email, I am filled with the hope of the bond we share, being understood and accepted in my lowest moments, acknowledged in my triumphs and overcoming adversity.  In fact, those moments of comfort lead to joyful feelings that I might not have had without the women in WFS.

This hope I have reminds me to keep searching for new ways of creating happiness including something old in perhaps a new way.   I love dancing but my back and knees don’t exactly cooperate yet it doesn’t mean I have to stop trying to do some form of dancing that brings me great joy.

I have also learned that forgiveness of myself and others leaves a lot more room in my head for creative ideas as well as energy better spent for discovering my personal happiness tools.

Years ago, Oprah had a page in her magazine called, “Something to Think About.”  As you can guess, I still have several of those pages.  Here’s one on Happiness that I’d like to share:

All of us yearn for a life filled with joy.  In the quest for happiness, though, we often overlook the good that’s right in front of us.  Try to pause, even for a moment, and ponder the joy that already exists in your life.  You just might see it’s everywhere you look.  Find a quiet spot to sit and consider the following ideas.

  1. What gives you the greatest joy – and when was the last time you felt that joy?  Starting now, how can you incorporate what pleases you most into your daily life?
  2. Each day for a week, make a list of the things that bring you delight.  At the end of the week, hang the list on a mirror to remind you of all that’s positive in your life.
  3. How much joy you experience is connected to how open you are to receiving it.  Do you believe you are worthy of it?  How might the way you see yourself be robbing you of  happiness?
  4. Who in your life brings you the most contentment?  Are you depending more on your spouse, partner, friends, family to bring you satisfaction than you are on yourself?

The last question was the most challenging for me in the beginning of my sobriety.  It took a long time to start understanding that my total dependence on others to make me happy was a heavy burden I placed on them.  Now I see them as adding to my life and I am truly grateful for their love, compassion and acceptance of who I am.  That’s one of my greatest joys.

Bonded in developing our happiness tool box, Dee


Perks of Conference Registration

Perk: WFS would like as many women as possible to attend the Conference, so this virtual conference is SUPER affordable! There are three rates for registration — access to the Conference sessions/activities are the same, no matter what rate you choose:  $75 – $50 – $25. (The $75 Benefactress Rate helps fund scholarships and $25 of it is tax-deductible for US residents.)

Perk: If you’re one of the first 400 women to register, you’ll receive a clear, plastic WFS “I’m Possible” Toolkit full of recovery essentials. Not only will the WFS Program Booklet be in the kit, but so will a special Limited Edition WFS Statement Card Set, a travel-sized journal, & a worry stone with the I’m Possible! logo on it. You’ll also be ready for your next trip, as this plastic tote meets TSA guidelines for travel-sized toiletries. Win-win-win!

Perk: Conference Registration will allow women to utilize the REPLAY feature. The keynote speakers will be recorded, as will most breakout sessions. The recordings will be available for viewing during the two weeks following conference 24/7 (through June 27).  You’ll be able to view the sessions you wished you had time to go to, at your convenience in that two week timeframe. With 18 Breakout Sessions to choose from, the Replay feature is a wonderful way to attend more of the interesting topics that will be presented over the course of the conference weekend.

Perk:  Icebreaker activities! This year, WFS volunteers have put together a fantastic pre-conference week of activities. Registered conference attendees will be able to meet other WFS sisters in a casual setting before the live formal sessions begin. The Icebreakers are ‘meet & greets’ with fun topics. The schedule for the icebreakers is available on the conference page – just click on “Pre-Conference Activities Begin June 6” in the Agenda section.

Register Now

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Monday Thoughts 4/5/2021

“Feelings or emotions are the universal language and are to be honored.  They are the authentic expression of who you are at your deepest place.”  ~~Judith Wright

“You don’t have to be a positive person all the time.  It’s perfectly okay to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated, scared and anxious.  Having feelings doesn’t make you a negative person.  It makes you human.”  ~~Lori Deschene

“I need to see my own beauty and to continue to be reminded that I am enough, that I am worthy of love without effort, that I am beautiful, that the texture of my hair and that the shape of my curves, the size of my lips, the color of my skin, and the feelings that I have are all worthy and okay.”  ~~Tracee Ellis Ross


#2 Negative thoughts destroy only myself.

My first conscious sober act is to reduce negativity in my life.


Have you ever watched a toddler express themselves?  One moment they can jump at the chance to try something new or be absolutely wide open in varying degrees of delight or distress.  Kids are swept up in the moment; living in the present without regard to how they are perceived.  Little ones have not learned how to emotionally regulate themselves or disconnect from their feelings. Somewhere along the lines of learning and growing, we can learn short cuts to experiencing this natural process.

Addiction is an attempt to escape this progress.  Instead of experiencing and moving through thoughts or emotions, alcohol or drugs in effect, put a barrier in front of this development. This can lead to an excess of negativity. For instance, instead of feelings of wonder or curiosity, we can react with an overabundance of worry or dread to something different.  In our WFS Program booklet it states “Negative thoughts can cripple our spirit and paralyze thinking.  They often come from feelings of inadequacy.  We invite bitterness into our lives when we think negatively of ourselves.”  Here is where Statement #2 in action aides us in creating and then maintaining balance.

Challenging negative thoughts begins with awareness of them.  In sobriety, our mind is clearer and we have access to our thought process.  Here are 4 tips in managing negative thoughts:

  1. Examine your thoughts: Slow down and examine what you are thinking.  It is natural to feel overwhelmed by thoughts when you first start to acknowledge them.
  2. Identify patterns:  Write down your thoughts.  Are some of your thoughts repetitious?  Look for patterns.
  3. Challenge usefulness of negative thoughts: If your thoughts are telling you that you are not worthy, challenge that thought by asking how that thought helps you.
  4. Add affirmations:  Counter negative thoughts by affirming something positive about yourself.  If you are unable to do _______and your thoughts say you are useless, counter it by affirming that you have the ability to learn, practice and then achieve your goal.

 

Hugzzz

Karen


Hi 4C Women,

I am a firm believer that words are powerful.  They can hurt and they can heal.  I think back to a meeting I had with my guidance counselor as a high school junior.  She looked straight at me and told me I was not college material.  What I heard and internalized is that I was stupid.  I took the commercial course in my senior year and because of my strength in shorthand and typing, I got one of the highest scores in my application to work in Washington, D.C.  Even though I was proud of my accomplishments, I truly never felt completely confident and thought any minute they would see I was a fraud as I saw myself.

Sadly, negative thoughts permeated my life.   When I started working at the YWCA in NJ as a secretary, I never dreamed I would eventually be promoted to the Director of the Women’s Center Dept.  I was still waiting for them to realize they made a mistake, waiting for the director to call me in to her office as the counselor did in high school and tell me I wasn’t leadership material.  In fact, after one year I got my first negative review being told I was a maintenance person, nothing new established.

I remember going to my first WFS conference that year and feeling so defeated.  Well, that conference was a life changer.  It finally sunk in that I had the choice to change my thinking or continue devaluing myself.  By the end of the next year, I created 17 new programs and brought WFS to the YW.  Initially, Statement #2 asked us to “remove” negativity from our lives.

I am so appreciative of the new wording in asking us to “reduce” negativity.  For me, reducing seemed natural and in line with WFS philosophy that I would not deny my feelings but work through them.  The second quote Karen shared with us speaks to my heart because feelings are just that and what I have always loved about WFS is the ability to acknowledge and express our feelings authentically.  There were days when I was always looking for the other shoe to drop because I felt I didn’t deserve anything good in my life and the consequence would be a negative outcome which I truly believed I deserved.  There was no being in the moment, enjoying a positive experience.  In reflection, I realize that I missed a lot of wonderful moments due to my negative thoughts.

I finally began to bask in the positive moments.  What I realized is that I still had strong negative thoughts about me, my worthiness and that was when I understood the process of reducing negative thoughts.  If I were to learn how to love myself, those negative thoughts about my being had to be exchanged with positive, life affirming words.  Karen’s questions 3 and 4 are exactly what is needed to start the process of self-love from negative, self-devaluing words to uplifting, empowering words.  And while negative thoughts destroy our well-being, it can also harm relationships, friendships and our ability to set boundaries.  Loving ourselves, promoting our well-being can heal ourselves and our relationships.

What empowering words are you using to define yourself?

What is in your tool box to reduce the negative thoughts either about yourself or life in general?

Are you ready for a negative reduction and an increased positive buildup?

Bonded in making positive thoughts the habit you are developing, Dee


June 11-13, 2021

The WFS Virtual Conference 2021 will feature three Keynote Speakers this year, as well as 18 different presentations over the course of the weekend! Six WFS Zoom meetings are scheduled! Saturday is not only filled with presentations, but also the WFS Auction will be held as a virtual silent auction! Later Saturday evening we’ll Say YES! to WFS with a paddle raise fundraiser as well as some fun lead by the WFS online facilitators. This year there will be Ice Breaker activities the week before Conference as well. Hope to see you there!

Agenda (not including Icebreakers) – all times US/Eastern:

Friday, June 11
7:30-9:30 pm Opening Ceremony & Keynote Speaker Rebecca Ray
9:15-10:15 pm WFS meeting

Saturday, June 12
8:30-9:30 am WFS meeting
10:00-11:30 am Breakout Sessions I –choose from 1 of 4 presentations!
12-1 pm Keynote Speaker Mary Beth O’Connor
1:30-3 pm Breakout Sessions II Choose from 1 of 4 presentations!
3:30-4:30 pm WFS meeting
5:00-6:00 pm WFS Auction!
6:00-7:30 pm Celebrate the Possibilities! Fun-Fundraising-Entertainment
10-11:00 pm WFS meeting

Sunday, June 13
8:30-9:30 am WFS meeting
10-11:30 am Breakout Sessions III –choose 1 of 5 presentations!
12-1 pm Keynote Speaker Ester Nicholson
1:30-3 pm Breakout Sessions IV — choose 1 of 5 presentations!
4:00-5:00 pm Closing Ceremony
5:30-6:30 pm WFS meeting

Register Now

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Monday Thoughts 3/29/2021

“When I got sober, I thought giving up was saying goodbye to all the fun and sparkle, and it turned out to be just the opposite.  That’s when the sparkle started for me.”  ~~Mary Karr

“Well-being cannot exist just in your own head.  Well-being is a combination of feeling good as well as actually having meaning, good relationships and accomplishment.”  ~~Martin Seligman

“Take a shower, wash off the day.  Drink a glass of water.  Make the room dark.  Lie down and close your eyes.  Notice the silence.  Notice your heart.  Still beating.  Still fighting.  You made it, after all.  You made it, another day.  And you can make it one more.  You’re doing just fine.”  ~~Charlotte Eriksson


#1 I have a life-threatening problem that once had me.

I now take charge of my life and my well-being.

 I accept the responsibility.


New Life.  Two simple words.  Words that are packed with change, with possibility, and with being.  It is choosing to try something different.  Alcohol or drugs did not work.  That was messy, complicated, and painful, even dangerous.  New Life is not threatening and much like the above quote, it is quite the opposite.  It is the beginning of fully living.  It begins with a willingness and Statement #1.

Questions can zip through the mind when contemplating sobriety.  When will I have any fun? How will I manage __________?   What about the holidays?  Ruminating on questions like these can be a way to stall and avoid taking charge of your life.  Answers will come, along with understanding.  Early sobriety is a critical time for self-care.  You are beginning New Life, be gentle, adaptable, and curious.

Sobriety and recovery is a time for unlearning and becoming.  Create a real/virtual toolbox or folder and add helpful examples, empowering quotes or articles.  Avoid isolation and stay connected.  Give yourself permission to slow down and experience every hour differently.  Treat yourself like you have the flu.  Rest, eat small meals including protein and avoid sugar. (Sugar can dramatically increase cravings) Be active.  Get up 15 minutes earlier and begin your day by reading the Statements.  Choose one to focus on for the week.  Spend a few minutes either mentally reviewing moments of gratitude or write them down in a journal.  Learn about addiction; it is not a moral failure.  Notice your thought patterns.  Connect with other women in recovery.  Join the WFS Online Forum, or find a local face to face WFS meeting, many are getting closer to gathering in person again.  If there is not one in your area, make it a goal to start one.  Expand your interests.  If you are established in sobriety and recovery, now is a great time to examine your progress, create new goals or push through uncertainty.  Unleash the sparkle in your New Life!

Hugzzz

Karen


Hi 4C Women,

Since the pandemic, the question most asked is how will I remain sober in this isolation?  The next question, as many establishments re-open, is how will I be able to maintain my sobriety when I am back out interacting and doing activities with others?  It’s as though we’ve been out of practice in sober socializing and it can be scary.  These are unusual times yet practicing Statement #1 has not changed when it comes to being in charge of our lives no matter the circumstances.  It might be more difficult yet it needs to remain a top priority as we learn new ways of coping.

My favorite philosophy of WFS, as Karen mentioned, is that substance abuse is not a moral failure. It is how we coped with life, our feelings.  Now we have and are learning to use positive coping tools to choose a better, healthier, life-changing way to create our New Life.  One thing I never considered initially was to discover what I enjoyed in life, what brought a smile to my face, a giggle that made me feel like a kid again.  I was so serious, which wasn’t a negative thing, yet I didn’t have balance.  I was in a fight for my life and while achieving abstinence was rewarding, I realized I wasn’t having much joy in the celebration of recovery.

So, one day I decided to re-discover what joy meant to me in the present.  It took a while as I started to focus only on what brought me joy in the past until I finally realized that I had this wonderful opportunity to explore new things.  I could build up my “fun, joyful” bank by searching out new ways of bringing that much needed balance into my New Life along with a few fun things from the past such as dancing, decorating my house with snowmen in the winter and bunnies in the spring.  I was still decorating but it almost seemed like a stagnant, joyless chore.   What a beautiful awakening the first Christmas I unwrapped each ornament and knickknack.  The memories started flooding in and my heart was full with an enormous surge of happiness.

When I went to a family wedding, there was a question on the invitation – What song will make you get up and dance?  I said, “Sweet Home Alabama.”  Well, it was played and I danced with pure abandon.  All of this while sober!

As we hopefully move toward being with others on a more consistent basis, it is important to have your well-being, responsible tool box ready and accessible to use.  The transition will be different for each of us depending on our current situation.  Healing and adapting to change is a process and this is the time to practice self-care, reaching out for support as this is a sign of strength, and knowing you have the ability, capability and willing heart to be in charge of your life.

And a problem is telling us there’s something that needs solving.  Accept this part of the statement and move on to finding your personal solution to change from a problem to a resolution that leaves you in charge of your life and well-being.

Are you ready to be in charge?  What and how do you plan to solve the problem that once had you?  It may seem obvious to stop drinking or using drugs but it goes much deeper than that.  WFS was written to create a New Life beyond just not drinking or using drugs.  It is about the inner change that will sustain our recovery.

I took a WFS workshop years ago and I will always remember the facilitator saying, “We will no longer be manipulated by our addiction.  We have free will and are able to make decisions.  We have control over ourselves even if it now seems almost impossible.  You can choose to have control.”  I encourage you to keep this thought close in mind when you feel triggered.  We may have manipulated ourselves and others when we were in active addiction yet we can use that same energy to choose differently, to be in charge.

Be encouraged, be a warrior, be willing!   Dee


WFS Virtual Conference
June 11-13, 2021
Look out for registration opening this week!

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Monday Thoughts 3/22/2021

“I am woman phenomenally.  Phenomenal woman, that’s me.”  ~~Maya Angelou

“The work of today is the history of tomorrow, and we are its makers.”  ~~Juliette Gordon Low

“A woman is the full circle.  Within her is the power to create, nurture and transform.”  ~~Diane Mariechild


 #13 I am responsible for myself and for my actions.

I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life.


Sobriety and Statement #13 in action encourage continued growth in recovery.  From engaging in daily living to elaborately planned future moments, it is the culmination of being in charge of our minds, our thoughts and our lives that brings a sense of balance and rewarding fulfillment.  Before sobriety and New Life, none of this felt possible; alcohol had become a large and looming obstacle.

Women are strong, courageous and resilient.  Across history you can see how women have impacted this world with their knowledge, skills and talents; from Katherine G. Johnson, a mathematician who helped create the complex calculations that helped the US to fly into space in 1969 to Sandra Day O’Connor, the first woman on the US Supreme Court, to Tegla Loroupe, the first African woman to win the NYC Marathon in 1994.  Women have proved time and time again that we can do anything.

Our founder, Jean Kirkpatrick, Ph.D. brought Women for Sobriety to life in response to her own difficult journey and continued to share her experience with the world.  It was a way for her to respond with her ability, and to this day, her energy and enthusiasm touches the heart of every woman embracing WFS.  Because Jean lived the Statements, today, we get to do the same.  What an absolutely phenomenal woman.  Just like you!

“We are capable and competent, caring and compassionate, always willing to help another, bonded together in overcoming our addictions” (WFS Motto).   We are 4C!

Hugzzz

Karen


Hi 4C Women,

While unexpected events impact many of us, especially during the pandemic, this powerful and empowering Statement is a reminder that how we respond to events, to people and situations is our responsibility.  I have experienced the saddest situation just days ago when my brother-in-law passed away months after having heart surgery.  The hardest part is being away from my family and not being able to attend the funeral.  My sister and brother-in-law were married for 61 years this month so there are a lot of memories that keep resurfacing that create both extreme sadness and joy at those shared experiences. Under normal circumstances, I would be there to help ease my sister’s pain as best I could.

Today, I am grateful for my sobriety, for the work I put into maintaining it and knowing I am in charge of my response.  I may not be able to travel yet I am available to listen, to be a shoulder to lean on and to know I, too, am not alone.  If I felt triggered, I know without a single doubt that I could share and seek help from my WFS sisters without shame or guilt.  I would be understood and supported.  That is part of this Statement – being in charge of my mind, my thoughts and my life, I am responsible for seeking help when I know I need it.  I have been blessed with loving, compassionate support from those who already know of his passing.  I am a firm believer in acknowledging and expressing our feelings rather than pretend everything is just fine when it isn’t.

In her booklet, Seed Thoughts for Loving Yourself, Suzanne Harrill expresses this so well: “I understand feelings are simply part of my inner guidance system.  They give me feedback on thoughts and reactions to my daily experiences and encounters with others.  I am learning to put words to what I’m feeling which helps me identify thoughts and beliefs behind the feelings.  Once I do this, I use my mind to evaluate these feelings to best decide what to do next.  Sometimes I simply allow myself to feel my feelings and sometimes I use them as motivators to help me make beneficial changes.  I acknowledge all my feelings.”

In acknowledging our feelings, we learn to be responsible, to create balance in our life as a process.  Mistakes become life lessons, success becomes part of our tool box in knowing we can and do make positive choices and survive when we don’t, that living authentically is sharing our joys and fears and knowing that courage is not the absence of fear but courage is fear walking.

Here are some great Statement #13 questions that Karen shared with us previously and I would like to present them once again.

What does responsibility feel like in your life?

Are you comfortable with being in charge of your life?  Why or why not?

Is there an area of your life where you can relinquish control?  (I have always felt this was one of the most challenging questions as I fought so hard to be in control of my recovery, my life.  Yet, in reflecting on this question, I realized that I crossed over into wanting to control others for their benefit – my form of sarcasm!)

My question – when is the last time you expressed your authentic feelings and what was the outcome?  What life lesson did you learn that you put into your tool box for future reference?

Bonded in acknowledging your feelings and taking responsibility for your responses and actions, Dee


In the News

Sharp, ‘Off The Charts’ Rise In Alcoholic Liver Disease Among Young Women

Read More on NPR.org

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Monday Thoughts 3/15/2021

“Define success on your own terms, achieve it by your own rules, and build a life you’re proud to live.” ~~Anne Sweeney

“I am a woman with thoughts and questions and sh*t to say.  I say if I’m beautiful.  I say if I’m strong.  You will not determine my story—I will.”  ~~Amy Schumer

“Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations.  I may not reach them but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow them.”  ~~Louisa May Alcott


#12 I am a competent woman, and I have much to give life.

This is what I am and I shall know it always.


According to Merriam-Webster, competence means “the quality or state of having sufficient knowledge, judgment, skill or strength” et al.  It does not, however, mean that one needs to know it all before embracing or acknowledging competence.  Jean understood this and created this empowering Statement for continued growth and development in living our New Lives.

In our WFS Program booklet it states “Begin each day with an unshakable belief in your own competency.  First the thought, then the reality.  Believing you are a competent woman is giving to life.”  After all the uncertainty that active addiction brings, isn’t it comforting to be connected to and engaged in life?

No one is competent in everything, yet everyone can be competent in something.  Some years ago, while taking an art class at the local library, we sat and drew the still-life set up in front of us.  At the end of class, we lined up our artwork for viewing.  While all the drawings contained the same items, the way each person portrayed the scene was remarkable.  Beautiful styles, lines, shading, and curves were displayed; everything was individual and all were delightful.  Sobriety and recovery can be the same.  No two journeys are exactly alike and no two people are competent in the same areas.  The key is finding your inner connection, what makes you, well you.  No one does you like you do.  You are the best version of you there is.  Embrace yourself!

Hugzzz

Karen


Hi 4C Women,

Our recovery journey and path are as individual as our skills, talents, gifts and our belief in ourselves.  I remember the first time I facilitated a WFS meeting and told the women attending that we introduce ourselves as competent women for our addiction is not our identity but what we use to cope.  It was challenging to most yet I knew from my own experience that saying it eventually became my truth!  In fact, that introduction is so embedded in my mind that I recently introduced myself as a competent woman at a zoom bible class!

For me, the beauty of WFS is that we may have similar goals, even similar circumstances yet how we reach our goal of sobriety/recovery is comprised of our choices, our personal history and in our own timeframe.  Through it all, however, is the inner knowledge that we are competent and having made the choice of the WFS program in our recovery, that competency will continue to grow and evolve.

Back in 1993, I wrote about my WFS journey and it’s amazing to read how little I thought of myself.  I can honestly attribute my growth to WFS, my learning from other women on this incredible recovery journey and knowing – believing – I am a competent woman.  I will always remember when my ex-husband told me that I would never progress or be successful in life because I read the comics first on Sunday mornings rather than the news.  He insinuated that I could not hold an intelligent conversation because I did not know current events and after all, according to him, you can’t talk small talk all your life.  That one comment only reinforced my low self-esteem and past negative messages implying I was stupid.

In retrospect, I didn’t and still don’t make the connection between searching for humor to start my Sundays and being able to hold an intelligent conversation.  Of course, I also know now that he was insecure, having to prove his intelligence through what he knew and small talk was extremely uncomfortable for him.  I think he was a bit jealous because I could engage in small talk, going deeper only when I sensed the person felt comfortable and there was trust in doing so.  So, saying out loud at a meeting that I am a competent woman took time to internalize as my truth.  Today I can authentically and without hesitation say, I am a competent woman who can engage in diverse forms of communication!

I share this because I understand that Statement #12 can be intimidating and uncomfortable at first.  For some, it may even feel like we are bragging – a feeling that many girls and young women were told was not ladylike and could be seen as conceited (at least when I was growing up).  As you practice Statement #12, I hope you will realize that this Statement is empowering, motivating and definitely achievable.

As Karen said, we all have competency in different areas.  Do you know yours?  Perhaps make a list and read it every day with phrases like, I am worthy, I am enough, I am responsible, I am a 4C woman today and then add specifics, i.e., I am good at organizing, listening, technology (that will not be on my list!), being a good friend, detail oriented, cooking, creative – the list is yours to create.

Bonded in knowing you have much to give life, acknowledging your talents, skills, gifts and value with assertiveness – no apologies for the recognition.  You are a competent woman – know it, believe it and live it, Dee


In Case You Missed It!

Get the latest News and Announcements in the WFS March 2021 Newsletter

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Monday Thoughts 3/8/2021

“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive—to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love—then make that day count.”~~Steve Maraboli

“There is more to life than simply increasing its speed.”  ~Gandhi

“Dance. Smile. Giggle. Marvel. TRUST. HOPE. LOVE. WISH. BELIEVE. Most of all, enjoy every moment of the journey, and appreciate where you are at this moment instead of always focusing on how far you have to go.”  ~~Mandy Hale


#11 Enthusiasm is my daily exercise.

I treasure the moments of my New Life.


Statement #11 has not been easy to embrace and practice recently; the global pandemic upended the daily lives of everyone. Life looks and feels quite different from just over a year ago.  Yet in our WFS Program booklet it states, “Much of what we do in life can feel unremarkable — going to work, doing the laundry, shopping for groceries, etc.  These actions take up a great deal of our waking time.  Many of us grumble about these tasks, yet if we choose to be enthusiastic about doing the simplest chores, they can become more gratifying.”

One of the ways that has helped to foster enthusiasm and put action into Statement #11 is by changing my internal dialogue. For example, instead of beginning my day and saying that “I have to _______” (while not feeling any enthusiasm either), I can change it to “I get to ________.” (there it is!)  This subtle shift of one word changes the temperature and tone of internal dialogue.  Now it is all about possibility and anticipation, which can remove potential hesitation or criticism.

Additionally, altering the Statement to fit your current needs is helpful as well.  Maybe enthusiasm feels too much of a stretch, so a phrase like ‘Contentment is my daily exercise’ or even ‘Connection is my daily exercise.’  (current events makes connection that much more critical).  Whichever word speaks to you and encourages appreciation, gratitude and being fully present, embrace it.  Live it.  Be it!

Hugzzz

Karen


Hi 4C Women,

I absolutely love changing my internal dialogue from “I have to” to “I get to.”  Immediately I felt a shift in my attitude.  I also felt a great sense of gratitude that I am able to do the ordinary and explore new adventures or experience unexpected moments of enthusiasm/joy.  Being open to spontaneity was something I had to learn.  I am an organizer which actually gives me a sense of comfort.  However, in being so restrictive, I am sure I missed those fleeting moments of joyfulness in the past.

I still plan/organize, even my vacations, because my one and only vacation is visiting friends and family in PA/NJ.  However, I have relaxed in what I do when making those plans.  I just want to be sure I see the people I am missing so I am learning to be a bit more flexible as to how we spend our time together.

Have you ever woken up with the list of tasks on your nightstand and your first thought was, “Is all this really necessary?  Is fun anywhere on that list?”  Knowing I “get to” do the necessary, is there time for the acceptance of a spontaneous adventure?  With this pandemic, a spontaneous adventure could be just about anything from a thrift shop sale to a drive in the country.  Just a change of scenery can create enthusiasm.

I was reading Life Lessons for Women from the creators of Chicken Soup for the Soul.  One writer talked about the nurturing voice that she had to learn to listen to when her critical voice demanded she do what was expected of her by others and even herself, putting a lot of pressure on herself to be perfect.  Well, there is no perfect person or as the writer said, “Remember Super Woman? She’s not dead – she never existed!”  So, for me the key word in experiencing enthusiasm is “BALANCE.”  Perhaps your list on paper or in your thoughts could contain a couple of things you have been thinking about that sounds like fun, contentment, enthusiasm, joy, different, out of your comfort zone – you choose the word that expresses what might be missing as you learn to practice Statement #11.

If the pandemic is not the cause for delaying an enthusiastic experience, think about what is stopping you and if it is the pandemic, perhaps plan it to happen in the timeframe that fits your life right now.  If it is a simple and doable activity, I encourage you to just go for it.  Be spontaneous or plan it just for a change of pace and see how it feels.

Bonded in learning what inspires our enthusiasm and how to make it happen, Dee


WFS Conference News

June 11 – 13, 2021

Registration will be opening soon!

Registration fees will be on a sliding scale: pay $25 – $50 – $75.

Be sure to be on the lookout for the announcement as the first 400 conference registrations will receive the “I’m Possible” Toolkit!

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Monday Thoughts 3/1/2021

“Love recognizes no barriers.  It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.”  ~~Maya Angelou

“In the end nothing we do or say in this lifetime will matter as much as the way we have loved one another.”  ~~Daphne Rose Kingma

“The giving of love is an education in itself.”  ~~Eleanor Roosevelt


#10 All love given returns.

I am learning to know that I am loved.


Our founder, Jean Kirkpatrick, PhD., recognized that she needed help to stop drinking. She tried and failed, and tried again, and succeeded when she looked deep within and embraced love. Originally, she set out to help herself reclaim her New Life but then freely gave of herself, gave her love to the world and Women for Sobriety was born.  Over 45 years later, her love is still going strong.  Such a beautiful example of Statement #10 in action.

We are all here today, bonded together because of one woman’s mission to share what she discovered, and her love is at the center of it all.  From our yearly Conference, WFS Online Forum and the untold number of face-to-face meetings held over the years, love binds us together in growth, in joy and in hope.  From these simple beginnings, love continues to ripple outward, touching the lives of women everywhere and beyond.

Tomorrow, March 2, is Jean’s birthday and in honor of this special day, you are encouraged to find a way to share love this week.  Two ways to share your love are by donating to WFS by clicking here or you can volunteer your time or talents by clicking right here.  The world can always use more love.  What ways will you share love this week?

Hugzzz

Karen


Hi 4C Women,

I have been a part of WFS for 33 years!  It was this empowering program of hope, love, and commitment to creating a New Life in recovery that has given me a purpose in my life and for others searching to create their own New Life.  I have always been a fan of giving back, to shine a light on the path of recovery for those who are unsure, fearful, and yet clinging to hope for a way out and a way into a fulfilling life where they learn to love themselves and know that they are loved.

In 33 years, I have met so many phenomenal women, including Jean Kirkpatrick, who worked diligently in creating change.  There have been hundreds of phone calls, emails, texts, conference workshops and over 1,400 meetings that have been my purpose, my reward in showing love and compassion to those 4C women.   Absolutely none of this would have happened without Jean Kirkpatrick’s learning to love herself at a time when even saying it out loud would have been considered conceited and self-centered, especially for a woman in the 1970s as the women’s movement was just beginning.  She kept going and was determined to share her path, her knowledge of a positive way to recovery that has impacted thousands of lives around the world.

It seems almost impossible to imagine that it was 45 years ago that she was courageous enough to present a program for women only!  After all, there was such a double standard back then yet she didn’t let that stop her.  Celebrating Jean, WFS and all the lives she has touched is such a beautiful way to honor her.

A lot has changed this past year with the pandemic yet WFS has continued to reach out to those women in need of support and encouragement, a way of living with love, compassion and forgiveness.  I have always felt that forgiveness was a large part of learning to love myself and believe that others loved me.  So, as you consider ways of honoring Jean, whether financially or volunteering in some capacity, supporting all the facilitators by attending meetings, I hope that as you make a decision, you will see that exuberant, 5’ woman standing up to doubters, fearless and competent with her purpose intact, giving us the power to love and be loved.

“Self-love grows from actions that support our growth.  It is accepting our weaknesses as well as our strengths.  It is having compassion for ourselves as we continue to grow and find our life’s passions.  Self-love is not a destination or a singular event.  It is a practice that requires time and patience with ourselves.  It can be the foundation on which we build a happy and stable life.”   Tori Skene

A few tips on how to love yourself by Cheryl Rainfield:

Praise yourself as a daily routine.  After reading the 13 Statements in the morning to start your day, add a praise to it.  Let it be your daily mantra.  You can do this at the end of the day as well as you reflect on something you feel you’ve done well or responded in a way that supports your well-being.

Love yourself like a cherished friend, speaking and responding to yourself as you would a friend.  Be kind and compassionate as you speak to yourself.  Try closing your eyes and think of that friend and all the things you love and appreciate about them.  Now turn it around the other way – be your friend, feeling that same deep caring love for yourself.

Practice self-care by doing nurturing and comforting things for yourself.

In doing these practices, create a positive affirmation and write it down.  Display it so when doubt comes in that you are worthy of self-love and being loved by others, you can repeat the affirmation.  It needs to be a strong, loving message even if you aren’t fully believing it.  Your affirmation can be changed to acknowledge your inner beliefs of being lovable and worthy as you grow to know this truth.

Bonded in learning to love ourselves and learning that others love us, Dee


Sunday, March 7th @  2:00 pm Eastern
Recovery as a Practice with Dawn Nickel
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Monday Thoughts 2/22/21

“The beginning is always today.” ~~Mary Shelley

“The future lies ahead, calling us up, offering us a new chance to make a new choice every day, offering us the chance to go another way, to start over. The possibilities are countless. All you have to do is just dare to take them.” ~~Zøe Haslie

“Sometimes the hardest part isn’t letting go but rather learning to start over.” ~~Nicole Sobon


#9 The past is gone forever.
No longer am I victimized by the past.
I am a new woman.


There is a feeling of freedom in practicing Statement #9, a chance for new beginnings every day. Before sobriety and New Life, each day felt heavy, much like dragging past pain or trauma along. It was easy to settle into a cycle of clinging onto to what was, while standing in the way for what would come.

What is it about the past that can feel so desirable? Is there a different outcome wanted? Is it seeing our children younger with a toothless grin? A time of less responsibility? Whether we cling to moments of joy or regret, the past is gone forever. Acknowledgement of holding onto the past is the beginning of fully living in the present.

In our booklet, “WFS Beginner’s Collection” on page 63 it states “Letting go of our past can usually happen after we work through it. Then we must let go. Letting go of our past happens when we occupy ourselves with our present and with plans for the future.” Is this easy? No. Is it worth it? Absolutely. In our (currently virtual) face-to-face group we have a saying to accompany Statement #9… “The past does not define me.” This can be used as a mantra to alter unhealthy mindsets or can link us to the present moment.

Here are 4 additional ways to put action into Statement #9:

1. Be gentle with yourself: As Maya Angelou beautifully said, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better. Release regret by understanding that you did the best could with what you had at the time.”

2. Give yourself permission to talk about it: Darkness can increase unease or fear because there is a lack of clarity. Open up to someone you trust, a therapist or other 4C women.

3. Examine and embrace forgiveness: Some things, especially trauma, are difficult to forgive yet when we acknowledge that the result of forgiveness is for ourselves and not the situation or person and that our forgiveness does not erase what happened or create a relationship, it can serve as an empowering tool to increase well-being.

4. Accept that an apology may never come: What do you need to move on? If you only rely on words or actions from another, you remove your ability to manage your emotions and your future. Boundaries, assertiveness and engaging in self-care are more tools to assist in moving forward.

What other tools do you use to put action into Statement #9?

Hugzzz

Karen


Hi 4C Women,

The 4 ways to put action into Statement #9 is to practice what Karen has shared. I so agree that in order to heal from the past, we must work through it. That is how we learn to let go. Just letting go is not the answer – it is healing that provides the ability to let go.

Be gentle with yourself: Back in 1988 when I first started practicing the WFS 13 Statements, I must say Statement #9 became my favorite. It helped me learn how to forgive myself for what I could not change and build confidence in my decision-making which reflects Maya Angelou’s wise words. I became separated in 1990 and the guilt of my past choices was overwhelming. The more I lived in guilt, regret and fear of what the future held, the more I understood that I was victimizing myself. My ex had moved on and I was stuck. While Statement #9 was and is my favorite, it took a few years to work through and heal from the past.

Talk about it: I wonder how many of us have hid our feelings, pretending everything is okay. That’s a huge burden, a trigger for me and a wall so tall that healing feels almost impossible. I love that WFS provides a safe place to share, learn and grow. If I felt I would be judged or made to feel inadequate when sharing, I would have lost the ability to heal and TRUST not only others but myself.

Embrace Forgiveness: Forgiveness of self and others I feel is the path to healing. I learned a lot about forgiveness over the years. The two things that helped me a lot is that forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. It can lead to that but it is not guaranteed or even perhaps healthy to maintain a relationship. Forgiveness means that the hurt or harm caused by another can no longer have power over you and the second thing is that you may have to forgive yourself and another person more than once! That’s quite common because those feelings from the past tend to come back to visit every now and then.

Forgiveness has helped me learn to make peace with my past. If regret or guilt comes to visit, I do not unpack those bags. When the old messages and hurt from the past starts to take center stage, I have to remind myself that those people involved usually aren’t even in my life or around anymore. Forgiveness is what you do for yourself, not for other people. When you forgive, it doesn’t mean that you approve what’s happened. Rather, it means you’re giving yourself permission to move on with your New Life.

Boundaries: Nancy Cross once asked the question that when we are living in the past, feeling extreme hurt and pain, “Who packed your bags?” I think of that when I start feeling anxious, guilty or regretful. She shared that when the baggage became too heavy, she looked for a cart to carry it and that cart was her addiction. Her old baggage was packed by voices from the past, i.e., parents, other family members, friends, co-workers, teachers, ex-spouse, her own voice echoing her lack of self-confidence.

Each of us has a choice to continue carrying that luggage or to repack it as we see fit to lighten our daily load. We can unpack all the “shoulds”, the “can’ts” and the “I wish I would haves.” We can toss out the guilt and shame we carried for so many years. WE have a choice. Now when those hurtful thoughts from the past arise, I tell myself these two things: I cannot change those painful parts of my life and I also have the choice of recalling the positive memories, images and joy from the past. This is a choice as well.

While I may feel melancholy, I also realize the gifts, the blessings, the joy in having those memories to look back on. These are boundaries I’ve created on my thoughts of the past. I choose to search for the joy and release the pain. It no longer serves a purpose other than to victimize myself. No longer will I be victimized by the past. I am a new woman.

“The past does not define me!” Just those few words can release the past, heal and no longer victimize ourselves, Dee

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Monday Thoughts 2/15/2021

“Remember that failure is an event, not a person.”  ~~Zig Ziglar

“When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.”  ~~Harriet Beecher Stowe

And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive.  You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over.  But one thing is certain.  When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in.  That’s what this storm’s all about.”  ~~Haruki Murakami


#8 The fundamental object of life is emotional and spiritual growth.

Daily I put my life into a proper order, knowing which are the priorities.


Sobriety and the embracing of Statement #8 have been life-changing, and it drastically simplified what my view of life was all about.  This allowed a feeling of self-worth to increase and a continuing pattern of growth to take place.  The end result feels incredibly freeing, while moving through can feel incredibly difficult.

The difficulties faced in life can be our greatest teacher.  Like the old Rolling Stones song, “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you find you get what you need” feels on point; in the past I ran away from life with alcohol, yet sobriety and recovery bring fullness and growth to life.

In our WFS Program booklet It states, “Growth is an essential aspect of our recovery.  It is the process of learning who we are and where to focus our efforts for personal change.  Our morning meditation time, during which we read the Statements, gives us the opportunity to center ourselves and set priorities for the day.”  In the past, alcohol directed the days but today, 4C women everywhere get to set priorities and live for today while growing into tomorrow.

Here are 4 tips to embrace growth:

  1. Own your own power: Release the blame.  It is easy to blame others yet when we let go of that blame, we can create our own circumstance which empowers ourselves.  Reframing is a great tool to practice this.
  2. Embrace/look for change:  The old adage of “nothing stays the same” is true.  Look for even the smallest of ways to embrace change.  Early in sobriety, I challenged myself by going to unfamiliar grocery stores, switching routines, moving furniture in rooms etc.  It does not have to be monumental change.  Start small and work into bigger changes or challenges.
  3. Acknowledge your fears: What are you afraid of?  Dig deep and get to the core of a fear.  Maybe you do not like or are afraid of being alone.  Where did that originate?  What can you do today to overcome that fear?  Act, even the smallest of movements forward edge us into development and growth.
  4. Change YOU, not the world:  It can feel overwhelming/impossible to change events out of our control.  The day may be filled with rain or snow, which none of us have control over but you can use an umbrella and enjoy the patter of the raindrops or dress warmly and walk outside taking in the silence of newly fallen snow.  You can change your response to create a positive or rewarding experience.

Hugzzz

Karen


Hi 4C Women,

I wasn’t sure where to start with my comments.  As I read each of Karen’s 4 points, I thought oh, wow, that’s fabulous and I relate to that and oh, yes, I relate to that as well.  So, after I calmed my thoughts, I decided to share how I learned to work on each point.

#1 – Power/Release Blame.  Many of you have heard me over the years share how I was the “Queen of Blame” and I wore that crown each and every day.  It took away all responsibility for my choices, my responses, my willingness to change.  I was fearful of change because that meant I had to actually “change!”  While in therapy and finding WFS, I realized that if I took responsibility for my role in choices I made, I was actually becoming empowered and confident, releasing the fear of what might happen if I retired my crown.  Retiring that crown brought about such positive changes that I began wearing a 4C crown more befitting of the woman that was always there but living in fear.  What I also realized is that there were people in my life that hurt me, harmed me and played into my insecurities.  What I also learned is that as long as I allowed that to continue, there was no room for emotional or spiritual growth and I was giving away my power to them.  No more!

#2 – Embrace Change.  At one time, I hated change.  I resisted it as though it would be the end of the world once I accepted it.  As one of the members of my WFS group says, it’s not the end of the world until it’s the end of the world.  So, when I start thinking in those terms, I quietly realize that, again, I have choices.  I can choose to live in the fear of change or embrace it as Karen says, no matter how small.  I have actually learned to like change as I see it as a challenge to uncovering the fear.  A quote from Janet Jacobsen defines it so well for me. – “Fear is a great motivator.  It is designed to be compelling so that we take survival action in the form of flight, fight or freeze…OR, take THRIVAL action by facing the fear, feeling it fully, learning from it, and, therefore, freeing up all that energy for creativity and fun!”

#3 – Fear. My greatest fear was rejection which kept me from accepting responsibility and letting people hurt me because if I became assertive, they might walk away.  It was easier to silently blame others for where I was and cope by drinking.  And in some ways, it was easier.  I had to acknowledge that because taking responsibility meant I had to learn to handle rejection, even perceived rejection, to make healthier choices.  How in the world would I even live a life of emotional and spiritual growth if alcohol was making the choices?  Yes, easier to run and hide but oh my goodness, the rewards from being sober, being in charge of my life, putting my priorities in order, was incredible.  It was worth the hard work and I finally learned to love myself enough that rejection was no longer my greatest fear.

#4 – Personal Change. This is the crux of the whole Statement, the WFS program.  Change, scary and exciting all at the same time.  I sometimes reflect on the sad, fearful woman I was when drinking and I put my arms around her and tell her she is loved, lovable and worth every ounce of work she put into becoming the 4C woman she is today.  I hope you are able to do the same.  Statement #8 provides a path to healing, growing and empowering change.

What is or was your greatest fear in changing?

What lessons have you learned or are learning in facing your fears?

What are your priorities that support your well-being, your emotional and spiritual growth?

Have you learned to trust yourself in knowing that your priorities are what you need them to be right now and not what others may be telling you?

Bonded in daily creating our priorities to live a life of emotional and spiritual growth, Dee


Click here to read Promising Young Woman

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Monday Thoughts 2/8/2021

“Love yourself first, because that’s who you will be spending the rest of your life with.”  ~~Unknown

“Love yourself enough to set boundaries.  Your time and energy are precious.  You get to choose how you use it.”  ~~Anna Taylor

 “The fact that someone else loves you doesn’t rescue you from the project of loving yourself.”  ~~Sahaj Kohli


#7 Love can change the course of my world.

Caring is all-important.


The need for love is basic human yearning and as children many turned to parents for that critical life affirmation.  But what happens when we only equate love with someone else?  We lose the ability to love ourselves and satisfy our own needs. This can open the door to unhealthy dependencies and addiction. However, sobriety and Statement #7 practiced daily can create a portal for self-love to blossom so that we may comfort, protect, and develop ourselves.

Self-love is not selfish; it is akin to the old adage of “putting on your own oxygen mask first.”  Being able to care about meeting our needs reinforces that we are worthwhile and validates ourselves.  Initially, this was difficult to understand and embrace.  It felt unfamiliar and uneasy, but as I practiced the WFS Statements, I began to look at myself differently and was able to love myself.

Discovering how to love ourselves on this journey of sobriety and recovery can take many forms, from an inward circle of health consciousness to outer boundary settings and everything in-between.  This week take some time to make yourself a priority and love yourself.  Look deep and reflect where you need more self-love and take at least one action towards it.  Share your insights in a journal, group or on the WFS Online Forum, after all, you’re worth it!

Hugzzz

Karen


Hi 4C Women,

Self-care is a major part of the path to self-love.  For many women, the guilt of our past choices leads us to neglect ourselves and overcompensate by doing way too much for others, expecting it to fill our empty love tank.  When we decide to take the path of self-care, we either feel selfish or are told we are being selfish.  For me, it became about finding balance, setting healthy boundaries which eventually led to self-respect and self-love. This was difficult at first because it felt so uncomfortable giving positive attention to myself.

I remember doing so much for my family that I felt guilty for doing anything that could be seen as taking time away from them.  I also saw myself doing the same thing when I was working and volunteering.  I was the classic example of “rejection” fear if I started practicing self-care and doing less for others in the process.  Rejection meant I was unlovable and what that finally lead to was a very unhappy, self-loathing woman who coped by drinking.  When I eventually learned to say no (which is a complete sentence), I was quite surprised that the world didn’t stop turning or at least partially collapse!  While I still struggle with balancing self-care and giving care, I know there is a foundation of self-love.

That foundation has become a sort of alarm system that starts a warning beep when the batteries are getting low.  As Statement #7 says, Love can change the course of my world, caring is all important.  Be sure you are part of that love and caring.  If it’s a challenge to do so, ask yourself if you love yourself enough to practice self-care.  If the answer is no, find ways to begin filling your love tank with positive self-talk, be compassionate with yourself as you are with others, refute those self-esteem wreckers I call the inner critic.  One way to do that is to name the inner critic and when it starts sending old, untruthful messages from the past, politely ask them to be quiet and flick them off your shoulder!

What’s your inner critic’s name and are you ready to refute the negative, false messages it is whispering in your ear?  I sometimes give the positive messages my name and just say, “Dee, you are so correct! You may stay on my shoulder and continue whispering wonderful things about who I am TODAY.”   I am including a writing that helped me tremendously on this self-love, self-caring path of recovery.  It especially helped me when I was going through my separation and divorce.  I hope you find it uplifting as well.

 

 The Most Important Relationship

By Jo Coudert

You do not need to be loved… not at the cost of yourself.

The single most important relationship which is central is the relationship with self.

It is rewarding to find someone you like but essential to like yourself.

It is quickening to recognize that someone is a decent human being but it is indispensable to view yourself that way.

It is a delight to discover people who are worthy of respect, admiration and love, but it is vital to believe yourself worthy of respect, admiration and love.

For you cannot live in someone else.

Of all the people you will ever know in a lifetime, you are the only one that you will never lose or leave.

To the question of your life, you are the answer.

To the problem of your life, you are the solution.

 

Bonded in self-care, self-love and knowing that caring is all important, Dee