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“Sometimes the hardest part isn’t letting go but rather learning to start over.”
“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”
“Even on my weakest days I get a little bit stronger.”
#9 The past is gone forever.
No longer am I victimized by the past.
I am a new woman.
Being a woman on the other side of domestic violence, sobriety and Statement #9 provided a pathway to move through traumatic moments. The feelings and fears from that period no longer have control and lay a pathway for freeing experiences. I feel and know that I am a new woman today.
Alcohol seemed like a coping tool at that time, yet it only fostered more feelings of fear. I replayed the past endlessly, creating a loop of anxiety and alcohol. My nervous system became like a stretched-out rubber band, taut and tense. Daily life pulled even tighter, and I snapped. Something had to give.
The gratitude I feel towards Women for Sobriety is immeasurable. Being able to learn new coping skills, acknowledge feelings and connect deeply all play a critical role in my New Life. This Statement reassures and influences me on a daily basis and continues to be my favorite. This week, examine your journey with Statement #9 and embrace today!
Hi 4C Women,
This has always been my favorite Statement as I wanted so desperately to live in the present, to forgive myself for a past I could not change but wasn’t sure how I could do that. It took a while to understand exactly what not victimizing myself meant on a personal level. Every regret, every mistake, or wrong choice only fed my low self-esteem, validated my negative definition of who I was, and kept me stuck. Like Karen, I chose alcohol to escape the pain but I’ve learned that pain not healed just waits patiently to rise up and squash my soul even more. It finally became so clear that I was victimizing only myself and defeating any chance of personal growth and especially self-forgiveness.
My coping tool became my positive self-talk. The moment I felt drawn into the negative past, I literally spoke out loud that I could not change the past, I am a new woman and I refuse to hurt myself by a past that cannot be changed. The next step was to work on true forgiveness and acknowledge my role in some of the situations. But rather than beat myself up for those unhealthy choices, WFS taught me to learn and in the present, make self-affirming choices, find my voice, and speak it respectfully. And if I made a choice that wasn’t supporting my well-being, another lesson learned.
Are you able to forgive yourself?
What are you holding onto that isn’t serving your well-being? What action(s) can you take to let go of the hurt?
What situations have you endured that have made you stronger?
What do you say to yourself when the negative thoughts of the past start shouting? Do you have a positive mantra for those moments? If not, think about creating one.
What qualities, positive characteristics, and skills have you developed as you navigated the difficulties of your life?
What is a positive memory of the past?
When you think about all that you have dealt with in the past and survived, give yourself credit for the willingness to open those wounds, heal, grow, learn and keep moving forward. It’s important to praise every part of your journey even when it may be 1 step forward, 2 steps back. What matters is that you are building a strong foundation of personal growth, life lessons, healthy, positive, supportive relationships in the present, new moments to treasure, self-forgiveness, and self-love in the present!
Bonded in healing, moving forward, open to change, and willingness to always try, Dee
Women for Sobriety is asking women who use the New Life Program to take our 2022 Member Survey! This survey is designed to help WFS understand your needs, experiences, and satisfaction with the New Life Program by asking these types of questions:
- About your substance use and its impact(s) on your life
- About your recovery and your use of the New Life Program
We want to assure you that your responses in this survey are completely anonymous, and cannot be traced back to the respondent. No personally identifiable information is captured. Additionally, your responses are combined with those of many others and summarized in a report to further protect your anonymity.