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Monday Thoughts 8.29.22

women for sobriety decorative image love

 “The giving of love is an education itself.”
Eleanor Roosevelt

“Stuff is irrelevant. Sooner or later we have to throw overboard our possessions, vanities, and ambitions; only the good we have done matters.”
Isabel Allende

“Take time to look…….”
Georgia O’Keefe


#10 All love given returns.
 I am learning to know that I am loved.


Sobriety and Statement #10 in action enable love to flourish and grow. The entirety of the WFS New Life program is about stepping out of our comfort zone and into growth. Our first day sober is an act of love, as well as the 80th or the 800th. I surely didn’t know it then, but my New Life was the beginning of admitting, then embracing that I was worthy of love.
In the past, turning to things outside of myself for love was what I knew, and felt desperate for it. Drawn to excitement and danger, I lived a life without regard since it was difficult to value myself. Alcohol became the ignition for exploding into chaos and life was one drama after another. It was a lonely and painful way to live.

In our WFS Program booklet, it states, “We are women reaching out to others by way of our new self-awareness, which tells us that we are capable of both giving and receiving love.” Our WFS Online Forum is available at the touch of a button, and weekly f2f or online meetings are another way to connect. This week, invest in Statement #10 and take time to look, to examine love in your life. What are some examples of how you show love to yourself? To others? Believe and know that you are loved!

Hugzzz
Karen


Hi 4C Women,

I am so glad that Statement 10 is about love and that the past is gone forever preceding it. I needed to heal from my past in order to learn to love myself and know that I am loved. I was looking for love, as the song says, in all the wrong places. I betrayed my own worth by giving myself away. The consequences were obvious to my heart yet my mind refused to listen, to connect to my heart. As I became sober, I found my self-esteem growing. Honestly, I never expected to like myself, let alone love myself!

Last Monday, I talked about creating a mantra when the past starts to shout and one of the women in the WFS meeting said, I’m back but better. I think this is a great mantra. Think of this when you start doubting your worth when you might feel you haven’t worked hard enough to deserve love. Remember, you are back on track but better. And why better? Because you have learned more about who you are, kept moving forward when you might have faltered, and are willing to do what it takes to give and receive love authentically, trusting your intuition. In fact, I believe this Statement has a lot to do with trust – trusting ourselves to be vulnerable and trusting others to be genuine with us. It doesn’t mean we won’t be hurt at times yet we hopefully have enough self-love to let go of the toxic people in our lives and focus on nurturing those relationships that are flourishing and loving.

If I were to judge my self-worth by those who hurt me in the past, I would be stuck and miss the joy of caring relationships. I silenced my intuition when I was drinking. I was afraid to speak my needs for fear of rejection or trusting the wrong person with those spoken words.  Lessons learned along the way. WFS taught me that mistakes were part of the process, not the end of the journey.

In learning trust, are you open to differentiating between your intuition guiding you or your traumas misleading you?
How do you respect your self-worth in relationships?
How do you value yourself in practicing self-care?
Have you given thought to what your needs are in relationships? Do you express these needs?
What experience do you have to honor? This is a deep question when it comes to loving and being loved. I honor my surviving toxic relationships, knowing what is unacceptable as well as acceptable, and valuing myself enough to know when it’s time to let go or nurture a relationship. This is for all relationships – friends, family, partners, co-workers, etc. In other words, I honor myself. Never thought I would think, feel, and especially say those words about myself.

Bonded in loving, being loved, and learning to trust ourselves and our intuition, Dee


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New Meeting – Lebanon, OR (Thursdays)

women for sobriety decorative image women holding hands

WFS is proud to announce the start of a new in-person meeting!

Lebanon, OR

Thursdays  at 12:00 pm

Start Date:  8/25/2022

Please email [email protected] with questions and to obtain the exact location of the meeting.

Please join us in extending our gratitude to the volunteer Certified Facilitator who has made the commitment to bring her second meeting to her local community!

If you are feeling inspired to bring WFS to your local community, please review the requirements for becoming a Certified Facilitator at https://womenforsobriety.org and apply here.

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Volunteers Needed: Meeting Verification Support

volunteer

 

Our MEETINGS are a KEY part of sharing the New Life Program with woman around the world!

Do you have time to make a few phone calls to our facilitators to ensure that we:

*have the correct meeting dates/times?

*are getting them the materials they need for attendees?

*have their group email account properly set up?

*make any changes they need?

If you do, please send me an email [email protected] and I will make the most of your time, so we reach women when and where they are!

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Monday Thoughts 8.22.22

women for sobriety decorative image new woman

“Sometimes the hardest part isn’t letting go but rather learning to start over.”
Nicole Sobon

“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”
Deborah Reber

“Even on my weakest days I get a little bit stronger.”
Sara Evans


#9 The past is gone forever.
No longer am I victimized by the past.
I am a new woman.


Being a woman on the other side of domestic violence, sobriety and Statement #9 provided a pathway to move through traumatic moments. The feelings and fears from that period no longer have control and lay a pathway for freeing experiences. I feel and know that I am a new woman today.

Alcohol seemed like a coping tool at that time, yet it only fostered more feelings of fear. I replayed the past endlessly, creating a loop of anxiety and alcohol. My nervous system became like a stretched-out rubber band, taut and tense. Daily life pulled even tighter, and I snapped. Something had to give.

The gratitude I feel towards Women for Sobriety is immeasurable. Being able to learn new coping skills, acknowledge feelings and connect deeply all play a critical role in my New Life. This Statement reassures and influences me on a daily basis and continues to be my favorite. This week, examine your journey with Statement #9 and embrace today!

Hugzzz
Karen


Hi 4C Women,

This has always been my favorite Statement as I wanted so desperately to live in the present, to forgive myself for a past I could not change but wasn’t sure how I could do that. It took a while to understand exactly what not victimizing myself meant on a personal level. Every regret, every mistake, or wrong choice only fed my low self-esteem, validated my negative definition of who I was, and kept me stuck. Like Karen, I chose alcohol to escape the pain but I’ve learned that pain not healed just waits patiently to rise up and squash my soul even more. It finally became so clear that I was victimizing only myself and defeating any chance of personal growth and especially self-forgiveness.

My coping tool became my positive self-talk. The moment I felt drawn into the negative past, I literally spoke out loud that I could not change the past, I am a new woman and I refuse to hurt myself by a past that cannot be changed. The next step was to work on true forgiveness and acknowledge my role in some of the situations. But rather than beat myself up for those unhealthy choices, WFS taught me to learn and in the present, make self-affirming choices, find my voice, and speak it respectfully. And if I made a choice that wasn’t supporting my well-being, another lesson learned.

Are you able to forgive yourself?
What are you holding onto that isn’t serving your well-being? What action(s) can you take to let go of the hurt?
What situations have you endured that have made you stronger?
What do you say to yourself when the negative thoughts of the past start shouting? Do you have a positive mantra for those moments? If not, think about creating one.
What qualities, positive characteristics, and skills have you developed as you navigated the difficulties of your life?
What is a positive memory of the past?

When you think about all that you have dealt with in the past and survived, give yourself credit for the willingness to open those wounds, heal, grow, learn and keep moving forward. It’s important to praise every part of your journey even when it may be 1 step forward, 2 steps back. What matters is that you are building a strong foundation of personal growth, life lessons, healthy, positive, supportive relationships in the present, new moments to treasure, self-forgiveness, and self-love in the present!

Bonded in healing, moving forward, open to change, and willingness to always try, Dee


Women for Sobriety is asking women who use the New Life Program to take our 2022 Member Survey! This survey is designed to help WFS understand your needs, experiences, and satisfaction with the New Life Program by asking these types of questions:

  • About your substance use and its impact(s) on your life
  • About your recovery and your use of the New Life Program

We want to assure you that your responses in this survey are completely anonymous, and cannot be traced back to the respondent. No personally identifiable information is captured. Additionally, your responses are combined with those of many others and summarized in a report to further protect your anonymity.

TAKE THE SURVEY

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Monday Thoughts 8.15.22

women for sobriety decorative image growth

“You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy.”

Nightbirde

“If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we aren’t really living.”

Gail Sheehy

“Love yourself enough to create an environment in your life that is conducive to the nourishment of your personal growth. Allow yourself to let go of the people, thoughts and situations that poison your well-being. Cultivate a vibrant surrounding and commit yourself to making choices that will help you release the greatest expression of your unique beauty and purpose.”

Steve Mariboli


#8 The fundamental object of life is emotional and spiritual growth.

Daily I put my life into a proper order, knowing which are the priorities.


There is an acronym that I turn to whenever uncomfortable feelings arise…….

Choose Having A New Growth Experience= CHANGE

Choosing to have a new growth experience, can close the door to self-judgment and harsh thoughts because it is now an opportunity to learn and grow. If I were learning a new language, would I condemn myself for not understanding…no…I would be gentle and encouraging. Accepting this wasn’t easy in early sobriety; I had to drop the image of the “been there, done that” attitude and become open to change. Statement #8 leads the way.

Active addiction is a language we are unlearning, while sobriety and recovery are our updated and life-saving language. We are learning about cravings, triggers, and how to manage our days. We learn new coping mechanisms and create lasting connections. We are learning to let go of what hurts our well-being or is traumatic to ourselves. Statement #8 in action also lays a foundation for the future, whether it be next week, next year, or five years from now.

Life has ups and downs, that’s a fact. Yet, we have the ability to be our own cheerleaders and to help another when they feel down. We learn to accept that we can reach out at any time. Learning can have its ups and downs too; we may find ourselves on the fast track and expand in growth while at other times we may feel growth is standing still. By embracing where we are and putting action into Statement #8, we grow in mind and heart.

Hugzzz

Karen


Hi 4C Women,

Through my ups and downs, I must say how incredibly grateful I am for the WFS program that has changed my life in such positive ways, especially with emotional and spiritual growth. Years ago, going through the down times felt as though they would never end. I just knew my sad, angry, disappointing, rejected, negative feelings would last forever. At least that is how I felt. This past week I experienced one of those down times and part of what got me through was realizing that this was my authentic feeling and just acknowledging that helped me. I’m a big believer in acknowledging all of our feelings to accept them, learn from them and grow emotionally and spiritually as Statement #8 guides us.

I was also supported by other WFS women who assured me my feelings were valid. What a gift to have these “cheerleaders.” I needed to remember this down feeling is just a part of life and the lesson I learned from Statement #8 is that while real, it is temporary. What WFS has taught me is to explore where the feeling is coming from, which for me, is usually a feeling from the past that brings it to the present, i.e., feeling invisible, unheard. Rather than being stuck in that feeling, I consider addressing the person by speaking my voice in a calm, yet assertive voice. I saw a quote on Facebook that is a good reminder for me:

“Communication is one thing but your tone while communicating with someone is everything.”

This is one of the reasons, I no longer feel bad if I don’t address a situation immediately because if I respond in anger or frustration, I might not get my viewpoint across or be heard. This doesn’t mean that I never address a situation immediately. A lot depends on how I am feeling, the situation, and the person who is offending or demeaning me. All I’m saying is I no longer stay in the “why didn’t I say this then?” because I still have the power to do it when I choose.

Consider all the positive changes in recovery that the WFS Statements have given us from personal growth, learning new coping tools, peace, hope, spiritual journey, choices, and coping tools – the list is long and I know you can add your own personal changes. All of these changes help us put our priorities in order.

What are your priorities? Think of a priority as something that gives your life purpose, direction, and meaning.

How have your priorities changed as you’ve grown emotionally and spiritually?

How do you nurture yourself?

How do you define emotional growth in recovery?

Bonded in learning to let go of what hurts our well-being (Karen) and move forward in nurturing, respecting ourselves, speaking our voice, and knowing our priorities, Dee


Women for Sobriety is asking women who use the New Life Program to take our 2022 Member Survey! This survey is designed to help WFS understand your needs, experiences, and satisfaction with the New Life Program by asking these types of questions:

  • About your substance use and its impact(s) on your life
  • About your recovery and your use of the New Life Program

We want to assure you that your responses in this survey are completely anonymous, and cannot be traced back to the respondent. No personally identifiable information is captured. Additionally, your responses are combined with those of many others and summarized in a report to further protect your anonymity.

TAKE THE SURVEY

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Monday Thoughts 8.8.22

“It takes courage and strength to be empathetic.”

Jacinda Arden

“Find ecstasy in life: the mere sense of living is joy enough.”

Emily Dickinson

“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do.”

Brené Brown


#7 Love can change the course of my world.

Caring is all-important


Statement #7 oftentimes is frequently referred to as one of the “love” Statements, yet all of the WFS New Life Acceptance Statements are intertwined with love.  Essentially, embracing sobriety and recovery is an act of self-love that changes the course of our world.

Over time, substance abuse disorders change brain circuitry and make it impossible for meaningful connections.  Before sobriety, I felt disconnected from everything yet was completely unaware that I had disconnected from myself.   In order to feel something, I either actively sought out drama or attempted to protect myself by making my world even smaller.  It was emotionally isolating and painful.

Initially, practicing Statement #7 did not come easy.  It felt foreign and uncomfortable, but it also felt promising.  The WFS Online Forum became a daily connection, I was learning so much and beginning to experience self-love.  My world began to grow and the changes felt empowering.  Gone was the need for drama, replaced with ripples of connection and expansion. Today, Statement #7 seems to ebb and flow like waves, with bursts of transformation followed by periods of stillness.  Either way, this 4C life is beautiful!

Here are four ways to engage and practice self-love and caring:

1.      Recognize, reduce and eliminate self-judgment:  Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a dear friend.  You deserve love, period.

2.      Trust yourself:  Acknowledge gains you’ve made, no matter how small.  Your trust will build on itself.

3.      Be true to yourself:  Identify your core beliefs and values. Recognize when you step out of your alignment.  Create, fulfill, and strengthen boundaries.

4.      Forgive yourself.  Self-forgiveness allows for inner growth and change.  Every day is an opportunity for caring.

Hugzzz
Karen


Hi 4C Women,

As I read Karen’s thoughts, it is so amazing how the WFS Statements all work together yet separately have such an empowering message in learning, growing, loving, and definitely hope.

The 4 points that Karen shared made me reflect on how the Statements fit together so beautifully.  These are my reflections.  Would love for you to think about which Statements you believe they represent.

1.        Reducing self-judgment is Statement #2.  So important in self-love and self-respect.

2.       Trusting ourselves is Statement #12 in knowing how competent we are, trusting we are 4C women with so much to offer.

3.       Forgiving myself was so difficult.  Yet, I realized that if I were to have a New Life in recovery, I needed to do just that.  Statement #9 always pulls me out of regret, shame, and wishes I had, to remember that I can’t change what happened but learn from it and make healthier, wiser choices.

4.       Being true to yourself for me is Statement #13 knowing we are responsible for our actions and setting boundaries to nurture and grow our self-worth.

Then there is Statement #7 in loving all of me, past included, in order to move forward.  Believing I was lovable seemed an impossibility.  I saw myself as broken, fake, needy, undesirable, and definitely unworthy of love.  But there is that word again that Karen shared – hope!  As I practiced the Statements, I began to understand how important loving myself would allow love in my life.  I could genuinely love myself and others.  It was as though I was learning to walk again, to reach out my arms for support, and then to give it back.  This was my New Life.

How we speak to ourselves is critical.  I had to unlearn my negative self-talk.  Loving myself also allowed me to be vulnerable, especially to my great fear of rejection.  That was huge.  Honestly, it was painful at times yet slowly I began to recognize that I was in charge of my life and my reactions.  I never would have thought that being authentic and loving myself would heal the need to be liked/loved by everyone.  While I love helping others more than anything, I also learned that I cannot be a doormat, and walked on with no consequence.  The consequence is that I move on, giving my caring and compassion from my heart and not just the need to please or be liked.  My love for others is so real and it gives me great joy.

As you go through this week, think about how:

you speak to yourself;

how you heal and move through the past, the lessons you have learned/learning;

how love is changing your world in concrete ways, moving from people pleasing to self-caring with compassion;

how brave you are to let love in and give love away authentically.

Bonded in knowing, expressing authentic love, and practicing self-care, Dee


women for sobriety holiday sale 2022 save the date

Mark your calendars! You are going to LOVE what’s coming in the Holiday Sale!

For more information join us on WFS Online in The Creative Crew connection group under Forums — or email [email protected]womenforsobriety.org  

Catalog will be available October 14.

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Monday Thoughts 8.1.22

women for sobriety decorative image woman stretching

“When was the last time you spent a quiet moment just doing nothing—just sitting and looking at the sea, or watching the wind blowing the tree limbs, or waves rippling a pond, a flickering candle or children playing in the park?”

Ralph Marston

“It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head I’m quite busy.”

Anonymous

“Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.”

A.A. Milne


#6 Life can be ordinary or it can be great.

Greatness is mine by a conscious effort.


Pausing to think about it for a moment, sobriety is not doing something. Whatever that something is, the not doing of it…whether it be alcohol or another substance, is sobriety. Our founder, Jean Kirkpatrick, Ph.D. knew that there was much more to life in sobriety. Jean created WFS and our Thirteen Statements of Acceptance so that we could recover and discover. Sobriety leads the way, and Statement #6 aids in developing an expansive New Life.

For a long time, I assumed that being busy meant that I was living fully. Yet that busyness created more anxiety without really going anywhere. It felt cartoonish with my feet in a circular motion while the rest of me stood still. Alcohol became an escape, and I remained stuck, missing out on life. Our WFS Program booklet reminds us, “Although we only get a one-way ticket through life, we speed through our days as if planning to enjoy them at another time. We live as if we have an endless number of tomorrows.”

Statement #6 gives us direction to savor the stillness. Ordinary moments that once felt boring or uneventful are now in fact, filled with contentment. It feels immensely gratifying to close my eyes at night, knowing that I was a participant in the entire day. Feelings of guilt or regret dissipate as I consciously give myself permission to “do nothing” and simply be. These mini-time-outs refresh my mind and spirit, re-energizing and uplifting me to new heights. This week, carve out time to be present, connect and savor the moment.

Hugzzz

Karen


Hi 4C Women,

I absolutely, positively love Karen’s message about being still, simply be or do nothing without feeling guilty. WOW! That is a different perspective on living the greatness of the ordinary and so much truth in it. I have to say that I thought I had to be overly busy to create greatness and if I wasn’t, the guilt would come and I would try harder. I now realize that sobriety is meant to be joyful and fulfilling, and being busy to fill up the time is not exactly creating a balance that provides those feelings. However, I understand in the beginning that being busy is very helpful. At least it was for me. After all, I was happy to have my junk drawers and closets cleaned out as I have heard from many women over the years feeling the exact same way. It felt like cleansing and release of the energy built up from resisting the desire to drink or use other substances. It helped quiet the loud thoughts in my head by having something physical to do that didn’t require a huge thought process.

Unfortunately for me, it wasn’t lasting fulfillment or contentment of being sober. It was more of a stepping stone to uncovering and discovering what greatness meant to me on an ordinary day in my ordinary life. I was actually grateful for the ordinary rather than the chaos of my drinking days. My initial thoughts were so negative as I tried to understand how to create this ordinary life into one of greatness.  I finally realized that ordinary wasn’t so bad. I began to enjoy the moments of peace but never connected it to this Statement in the way that Karen has expressed herein that life can be both ordinary and great together. Rather than separating them, I am going to combine them to know what is important to me in creating an ordinary life of greatness and how to achieve it. In other words, create a balance, freeing me from useless guilt. I encourage those who are working on gaining sobriety by being busy, to just keep doing what works for you now! This is why Karen’s thoughts resonated with me when she spoke about guilt in doing nothing as I was experiencing guilt in doing too much. I needed and was surprised by the awareness that sometimes there is also guilt in doing too much. Again, it’s all about balance and feeling alright with where ever we are at this moment. I slowly understood that I was blocking the awareness needed to create a balance. I still love organizing yet if it becomes a defense to having balance and appreciating both stillness and hard work, I need to acknowledge that. Always remember that recovery is a process that we need to embrace as we learn and grow.

This week try to be conscious of how you practice Statement #6. What are you discovering about yourself? What awareness do you have of how ordinary fits into the greatness of your life? If you discover what you need to add or remove from your day, think about how you can do that. Create a plan that works for you. You deserve greatness in this ordinary life; however, you define it!

Bonded in uncovering and discovering what greatness in the ordinary means specifically to each of you, Dee


Women for Sobriety is asking women who use the New Life Program to take our 2022 Member Survey! This survey is designed to help WFS understand your needs, experiences, and satisfaction with the New Life Program by asking these types of questions:

  • About your substance use and its impact(s) on your life
  • About your recovery and your use of the New Life Program

We want to assure you that your responses in this survey are completely anonymous, and cannot be traced back to the respondent. No personally identifiable information is captured. Additionally, your responses are combined with those of many others and summarized in a report to further protect your anonymity.

TAKE THE SURVEY

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2022 Member Survey

Women for Sobriety is asking women who use the New Life Program to take our 2022 Member Survey! This survey is designed to help WFS understand your needs, experiences, and satisfaction with the New Life Program by asking these types of questions:

  • About your substance use and its impact(s) on your life
  • About your recovery and your use of the New Life Program

We want to assure you that your responses in this survey are completely anonymous, and cannot be traced back to the respondent. No personally identifiable information is captured. Additionally, your responses are combined with those of many others and summarized in a report to further protect your anonymity.

TAKE THE SURVEY