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“You are allowed to be both a Masterpiece and a Work in Progress simultaneously.” ~~Unknown
“I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear.” ~~Rosa Parks
“You can’t calm the storm, so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass.” ~~Timber Hawkeye
#4 Problems bother me only to the degree I permit.
I now better understand my problems.
I do not permit problems to overwhelm me.
Statement #4 in daily action encourages trust, effort and understanding. Before sobriety and New Life, escapism was a go-to response. Drinking or using at a problem created more problems and solved nothing. Like a fearful child hiding under the bed, it was a repeated option. Yet today, thanks in part to our WFS Statements and the many strong 4C women who embrace recovery and live fully, overwhelming fear does not hold up to the WFS Statements in action.
Understanding that there are options in managing difficulties in life creates feelings of courage, strength, and resiliency. Obviously, some problems are easier to manage than others, yet at their core each issue comes with an opportunity to grow in mind, body, and spirit. The feelings of accomplishment when overcoming something that once paralyzed is almost indescribable and lays the foundation for further realization and motivation.
The WFS Online Forum and F2F groups (currently online due to COVID-19) offer extraordinary support when facing a challenge or problem. Learning about different techniques to solve problems can uplift and encourage. In my opinion, 4C women are the best cheerleaders! From decision making skills to setting new goals, there is much to learn, practice and apply. This week take time to reflect on how far you have come and how you manage difficulties with a sober, clear mind. Is there an area that you need assistance in? Where do you do well? Share your insights or detail in a journal. Below is the “IDEAL” (Identify, Define, Explore, Act, Learn) technique for moving through a problem:
- Identify: What is the problem? Who does it belong to? Women can at times, take on issues that belong to someone else.
- Define: Define the cause. There may be layers to get to root cause. Uncover.
- Explore: Explore possible strategies and options. Discuss for input
- Act: Put in the effort, try, not everything attempted will lead to a solution. Time can be a factor as well.
- Look and Learn: Did it work? What did you learn? Begin the process again if needed.
Hi 4C Women,
The IDEAL techniques are such an extraordinary tool in practicing Statement #4. As this is the celebration of Martin Luther King, Jr.’s birthday, I was imagining all the problems and priorities he had to set to pursue a peaceful way to racial justice. I worked on the MLK, Jr. committee in Teaneck, NJ, and also created a few programs on racial understanding while I worked at the YWCA. It opened up a whole new way of seeking solutions to problems and learning how to set priorities in the process. Karen said it so well – “Understanding that there are options in managing difficulties in life creates feelings of courage, strength, and resiliency.” What a powerful image of being open to explore options, to make mistakes, learn another “option” and grow in our courage, strength and resiliency.
I have been facilitating WFS meetings since 1989 and I must say that in the beginning, I took on other people’s issues, working hard at solving their problems. I realized soon enough I was using it as a distraction from solving and setting my own priorities. I am grateful that I also learned the huge difference from supporting, encouraging and sharing insights from my life experience and actually trying to solve another person’s problems. In learning this big lesson, I also understood that I was taking away the opportunity for any woman to learn by exploring her personal options and in the process, gain emotional and personal growth. Again, it goes back to the powerful message Karen shared of each woman creating hew own courage, strength and resiliency.
I was thinking of a recent problem I had and #2 was calling my name. It involved my ex-husband. The problem could be solved with patience but it also meant communicating effectively. The old feelings of being controlled, ignored and feeling ignorant came back full force. I thought of a few solutions and if they didn’t work out, I had another plan or two. It is amazing how much that calmed me down and the feeling of empowerment was growing. Sadly, we don’t communicate and that is something I worked on over the past 27 years of my divorce and 27 years of marriage. Wow, 54 years of working on communication. That’s a lot of work.
I am no longer in fear yet I also couldn’t deny old feelings coming back. Just acknowledging those fears, gave me pause and I told myself I am no longer that weak, fearful woman. Heck, I almost broke out in Helen Reddy’s song, “I am Woman, Hear me roar! I share this because I hope every woman reading this message knows and realizes that while the process of problem solving and setting priorities takes time, it is absolutely possible. Using the IDEAL technique is a wonderful way to do it.
Bonded in problem-solving, setting priorities and being empowered in your personal growth, Dee