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“Acceptance is simply love in practice. When you love, you accept. When you lack love, you judge.” ~~A. Naskar
“Pause and remember—when you fight reality, you will lose every time. Once you accept the situation for what it truly is, not what you want it to be, you are then free to move forward.” ~~Jennifer Young
“Learn to deal with people for who they are, not who you want them to be. Life gets a lot easier when you stop expecting apple juice from oranges.” ~~Rigel J. Dawson
#10 All love given returns.
I am learning to know that I am loved.
Harshly judging myself and others felt normal before my New Life, yet unaware of this routine I became oblivious to the painful effects and felt the world was against me. Years of negative self-talk and criticism had taken a toll on daily experiences and love seemed distant or even unattainable. I tried to fill the void with alcohol but of course it made everything worse.
Sobriety and Statement #10 in action offer the opportunity to change everything. With the clarity from a sober, clear mind, working through the negative self-judgment paves the way for acceptance and for love to flourish. The more I accepted myself, the more I accepted others and negativity took a back seat to compassion. For instance, in the past I tried so hard to be like those that I admired that my authentic self-became almost non-existent. Critical of everything I did, it was easy to reject myself, people, and experiences while harder to love myself and others. Sadly, my world became smaller and smaller.
Learning to love myself and others for who they are and not who I want them to be opens the door to acceptance. Some things are easier than others to accept yet with continued practice of Statement #10, rejection can then fall away, and life can have a sense of simplicity, fullness, and balance. The impulse to criticize or judge lessens while caring and compassion expand. It takes a conscious daily effort, yet the results are life enhancing and especially life changing. Just in case you have not heard it yet today, you are loved!
How will you expand love this week?
Hi 4C Women,
I believe the one of biggest attitude changes for me in the beginning of practicing the WFS Program was quieting the judgmental voice in my head. I did not realize how much I judged myself and others until I began applying the WFS Statements in my daily life. As a brand-new moderator/facilitator back in 1989, I read the guidelines every week to the group which included no judgmental statements or advice was to be given. We were to share how we related to a specific concern of another member, to share how we handled that similar situation and encourage a woman to make her own decisions on how to move forward. There is no one way to resolve issues and that is where the following the guidelines was crucial. We were specifically directed not to judge, to not say you “should” have or why did you do that? With these guidelines, the meeting became a safe place to share, to be authentic. This is where we become bonded in helping one another.
Back in 2011 I gave my son, daughter, and granddaughter a questionnaire from Dr. Phil’s Self Matters Companion book from the self-concept chapter. The questions were phrased in a positive way as the purpose of the questionnaire was to learn my strengths. I was hesitant at first, fearing the answers, thinking they would struggle coming up with positive responses. That thought came as a surprise to me because I have spent a lot of time on healing from my past. Of course, I might have been more at ease asking a friend! Family can still bring out that questioning of being forgiven, accepted, and acknowledged for the work I have done. I even thought some of the questions were silly, such as if I were a car or an animal, what kind would I be and why? Well, those questions were uplifting and light. Just the right way to end the questionnaire. Their answers taught me that all my love given has been returned and I am loved. Perhaps you would like to give this questionnaire to a trusted friend or family member. Make sure you date it if you do.
Bonded in giving and receiving love. Dee
Who Do You Think I Am?
These questions are phrased in a positive way because I need to know my strengths.
1. Please describe something that I consistently do well:
2. Please name one thing you have seen me do well:
3. Please tell me the best thing about how I look:
4. In as much detail as possible, can you remember any time that I seemed to be happiest?
5. Tell me what you think my strongest traits are:
6. If you were going to describe my best strengths with three words, what would they be?
7. If you were in a situation in which you thought I could help you in some way, what would that situation be?
8. Can you tell me any aspect you respect about me?
9. If you had to describe me as a car, what kind of car would I be and why?
10. If you had to describe me as an animal, what kind of animal would I be and why?
December 1st is Giving Tuesday!
Please help WFS empower women in recovery!