Posted on 17 Comments

Today Though

This is HUGE for me – putting myself out here!  One thing you need to know is that I’m a secret addict. My husband knows, my mom knows and my dealer knows.  That’s about the extent of it. I was in control until I wasn’t. It’s been all downhill from there. 
I have tried to stop several times, and have been sober for short spurts, but then I fell right back into my old habits. Soon it had escalated beyond my control!  About a month ago I got serious because I knew my addiction was bigger than my willpower. I’ve been feeling great, like I was gaining control of my life, but today though … today is such a tough day for me. 
I don’t know why.  Nothing has triggered me. I haven’t had a fight with my hubby, nothing traumatic has happened. Today though … today is such a tough day. I knew these days would come; so far, I haven’t let the devil in my head take control.
Today though … today is such a tough day. I’m afraid I will slip.
Today though … today is such a tough day. I need someone to lean on.
Today though … today is such a tough day. I could easily text my dealer.
Today though … today is such a tough day. I have to reach out to someone.
Today though … today is such a tough day. I am not going to give in.
Today though … today is such a tough day. I need support.
Today though … today is such a tough day. I AM NOT GIVING IN! 
Today though … today is such a tough day. I could so easily give in.
Today though … today is such a tough day. I WILL get through this.
Because today though … this tough day is what will make me stronger. I will not allow my addiction to win.
Today … I stay sober.

Women for Sobriety (WFS) is an organization whose purpose is to help all women find their individual path to recovery through discovery of self, gained by sharing experiences, hopes and encouragement with other women in similar circumstances. We are an abstinence-based self-help program for women facing issues of alcohol or drug addiction. 
Our New Life Program acknowledges the very special needs women have in recovery – the need to nurture feelings of self-value and self-worth and the desire to discard feelings of guilt, shame, and humiliation.  WFS members live by the philosophy: “Release the past – plan for tomorrow – live for today.

~Zeta

17 thoughts on “Today Though

  1. Very powerful and affirming words, Zeta! Your words will have a wonderful influence on women who might be struggling in their resolve to abstain.

    1. Thank You

  2. Thank you for sharing this, Zeta. I’m sure it will resonate with many women reading this blog. I do hope you’ll participate in the upcoming study of Laura McKowen’s book, We are the Luckiest,. I hear her voice in your words.

  3. Keep talking yourself through – day by day, even minute by minute! The more distance you have from your addictive substance and the more new thought pathways you’ve built in your brain by working with the WFS 13 statements, the less frequent and less insistent those tempting times become.

  4. Dear Zeta, Your words SO helped me! The importance of reaching out. Acknowledging the ease of “going back” But we are not that sort. No, we, together can beat our addiction. For today. Though it is a tough day, we are tougher. Thank you, Zeta. And thank you WFS. I love our Sisterhood.

  5. Thank you for your strength and honesty Zeta….you are doing the right things to make recovery a reality in your life. You CAN do this. Keep on keeping on sweet soul sister….

  6. Zeta, thank you so much for allowing us to vicariously live through this angst with you. This is exactly what happens to most of us when we get into that, “Ohhhh, I’ve got to have a drink/pill/…” moment. When we work through the moment, we build strength and once again have the ability to stay sober. Well done!

  7. Love this poem.
    Strength & courage shining through. I believe in you! Keep going…
    xo!

  8. Thank you for sharing. Getting through these tough days, and I’ve had many, give such an appreciation for the gift of sobriety when the amazing days are here! We all have ups and downs; using never helps. xo

  9. These words may be exactly what keeps me from going out to buy a bottle of wine which I am on the verge of doing right at this very moment. So, I thank you for this! Zeta, your writing always draws me in. It is raw, powerful and beautiful. Keep writing. You have talent! You know you can do this sobriety thing. Your strength lives in the words you weave. Warmly, Ivie

    1. Thank you so much!!! I love to write it has always been such an outlet. Thanks for your support and belief in me!!!

      xoxoxoxoxo

    2. Ivie, thank you so much!! Writing has always been an outlet for me and I have always been a little raw about it.

      xoxoxoxoxo

  10. Thank you all so much!!! I am so overwhelmed by all of your comments. I love you all

    xoxoxoxoxox

  11. You all have me so overwhelmed Thank you all so much xoxoxoxooxoxooxxooxoxoxoxox

  12. I think we all can relate to this story–very empowering thank you for sharing.

  13. I love this . I too need some support . I have tough days and need to learn how to reach out more !

  14. Thank you for this. We all need to know we are not alone.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.