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Monday Thoughts 12/24/2018

Monday Thoughts“Surround yourself with people who empower you to become better.” ~~Anonymous

“I’ve seen plenty of powerful women squander a chance at power simply because they waited for someone else to give them permission to have power. There is no permission slip—you just have to BE powerful.” ~~Shonda Rhimes

“Your self-worth is determined by you. You don’t have to depend on someone telling you who you are.” ~~Beyoncé

Statement #13:
 I am responsible for myself and for my actions.
I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts and my life. 

Years ago, did someone tell you couldn’t do something? Has doubt defined you? Have you questioned your self-worth or value? Sobriety and Statement #13 in action can eliminate doubt and instill feelings of ability and confidence.

Our Program booklet states “Often our thoughts are formed by past experiences, actions, and attitudes inherited from family and society. By understanding our thoughts, we can accept responsibility for our actions. We recognize we have options and choices.” It’s like moving into the driver’s seat.

Dina Marais, a Business Growth Coach writes, “To take responsibility for your life, is to take responsibility for your powers of thinking, feeling, speaking and acting, because this is the structure of all human experience. You create your life with your thoughts, feelings and actions.

You take responsibility when you accept that the thoughts you have are your thoughts coming from your mind. How you feel happens in your body and is a result of your thoughts. The words you speak come from your mouth and voice. The actions you take, are taken by you. What this means is that nobody can make you think, feel say or do anything. Nobody can push your buttons, because you are the button maker! In the same way you don’t have control over how other people respond as they respond from their mindset.”

Here are 4 ways Dina encourages for taking responsibility:

  1. Stop blaming. When you stop blaming and accept responsibility, you shift from victim to victor.
  2. Stop complaining. Complaining is another form of blaming and playing victim as if you have no choice.
  3. Refuse to take things personal. More than likely it has nothing to do with you.
  4. Live in the present. Be here now, the only moment there is.


Hi 4C Women,

Those old messages can play havoc with our lives when we keep them in the present. Learning to be and feel in charge of our minds, thoughts and lives takes time and understanding that as we develop responsibility, disappointments are bound to occur. Nancy Cross once wrote about disappointment, lack of confidence and rebellion that I thought was quite powerful.

Disappointment: A certain amount of negative feelings are inevitable, even necessary. But don’t repress them or get bogged down in them. Instead, experience them, work through them, and learn from them. For example, don’t allow disappointment to halt your progress. Disappointment is just a message or feedback telling you that things are not going according to plan. So, instead of quitting, find out what went wrong and what changes need to be made. When I first read that, I thought about the disappointments I experienced in life and how would I ever overcome feeling unworthy or inept to handle life because of my choices. Nancy’s words helped me realize that I don’t have to win in every situation or put myself down to prove my worth. I work through it, learn and survive.

Lack of confidence/low self-esteem: Nancy shared about how early childhood experiences may have caused us to lose confidence and if so, this is a FACT, not an EXCUSE. This is why, as adults, we need to heal those wounds and realize that self esteem is not a goal but a result of our willingness to heal and trust in who we are today.

Rebellion: Many of us are stuck in the “resistance syndrome” learned from childhood when we had no power. That may be happening as an adult when we automatically resist because you hear the “should” echoing in your thoughts. Rather than saying I “should” go to school to complete my degree, say I “want” to go to school and your personal reasons for that choice. “Shoulds” create resistance while “wants” dissolve resistance.

My response to her message rings true today as it did years ago. What we deserve is the chance to try our best, learn from it and take those lessons into the next challenge – because we know there will be more! Positive self-talk, reflection and changing our attitude and approach from a rebellious child getting in our way to an empowered woman with clarity of choice is Statement #13 in action.

Bonded in in being responsible for ourselves and our actions,
4C WFS Member


Posted on

Monday Thoughts 9/24/18

Monday Thoughts

“Practice does not make perfect, practice makes routine and practiced routine makes a master.” ~~unknown

“You are all things. Denying, rejecting, judging, or hiding from any aspect of your total being creates pain and results in a lack of wholeness.” ~~Joy Page

“The way anything is developed is through practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice practice and more practice. ~~Joyce Meyer

Statement #13
 I am responsible for myself and for my actions.
I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts and my life.

Oftentimes in books, movies and culture it can be implied that somehow, women are incomplete or that we need others to make ourselves whole. Who can forget the now famous line from the movie Jerry Maguire of “You complete me.”? This line of thinking can instill feelings of worthlessness, thereby creating dependency on something outside of ourselves. Feeling broken, substance abuse can easily take hold.

Statement #13, one of the Statements in Level 6, offers lifelong growth and a continuation of the WFS New Life Program. From our Beginner’s Collection, “The entire object of this ‘New Life’ Program is to come to this point; to the maturity of accepting ourselves and being responsible for ourselves and all we do. By accepting responsibility for who we are and what we do, we have broken away from unhealthy dependencies upon others to see us through life. We have become whole. We make ourselves whole.”

With sobriety and exercise of Statement #13, we can understand that we are already whole and that we have everything that we need within us. Initially this can feel frightening, but utilizing the tools that WFS provides, we are increasingly able to respond with our abilities. Additionally, Statement #13 opens the mind to growth, easing worries of making a mistake. Fear of failure evolves into doing our best and trying different options. Confidence increases and responsibility becomes second nature through the practice of our WFS New Life Program.


Hi 4C Women,

I’ve been under the weather the last week after returning from the family wedding in PA. In fact, I’ve been in bed for the past 6 days. Two days ago, I fell straight forward onto my knees (darn laptop cord!) and have been in a bit of pain. More worried about my partial knee replacement than anything else. It’s been two years and I have never placed any pressure on that knee. I guess I tested that theory head on when I fell. As my mind isn’t working as well as I was hoping it would be by now, I went back over past messages and found this one from Dec. 2013 that starts off with Nancy Cross and then my response.

Nancy wrote regarding Statement #13:

A healthy recovery requires accomplishing a number of tasks, including:

*build and maintain motivation
*connect with others
*identify and develop alternative coping methods
*reduce resentment about changing
*identify, understand and cope with craving
*build a new, balanced life
*lead a life that is purposeful, meaningful and reasonably happy
*stay alert for problems and follow through all the way

Hi 4C Women,

Nancy’s list of tasks for a healthy recovery is terrific. I was thinking back to the beginning of my journey and I believe the most difficult part for me was reducing my resentment about changing. As I mentioned last week, I was not eager to change because that meant I had to be responsible for my choices and I was doing so well at the “blame” game. At least I thought I was! I didn’t realize how much energy the blame game took away from self-discovery and growth until I decided to accept responsibility for my life and for my actions. It’s difficult to recognize the time being wasted when you’re in the midst of blaming. For me, accepting change, being RESPONSIBLE for it, was the turning point in my life. I’m not sure I would have been able to tackle the rest of Nancy ‘s list if I had not been willing to change and most importantly, not feel resentful about it. At first, I thought it was silly that I had to change when everyone else’s behavior was causing me to drink. My family history, my young adult years, the choices I made as an adult were out of my control. If only the people I loved would see it my way. If only they understood that I was a product of my life so far that made me feel unlovable and worthless. I clung to that for a very long time. What I eventually learned is that what happened to me growing up was out of my control. As a child, I held no power. As an adult, I owed it to myself to get my power back – to let go of what I cannot change (the past is gone forever) and change what was within my power to do (I will no longer be victimized by the past). Letting go does not mean that what happened as a child or adult was okay, it means that you accept the challenge to take on all those tasks on Nancy ‘s list to have the life you desire, the life you deserve.  You have the power to create this “New Life.” Are you up for the challenge?  Do you know what might be your stumbling block(s) at this very moment? Are you willing to consider how you can make the necessary changes?

4C WFS Member

As I read my response from 2013, it is amazing how much the WFS Statements gave me such guidance for change and how they are just as relevant today. I hope you are receiving, accepting and willing to be responsible for your actions and your life as you put Statement #13 into practice.

Bonded in positive change,
4C WFS Member