“When you let go of the things that no longer serve you, you make space for the things that do.” ~~Unknown
“Letting go is even more important than adding.” ~~Marie Kondo
“These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.” ~~Najwa Zebian
The past is gone forever.
No longer am I victimized by the past. I am a new woman.
For over a week, my daughter has been visiting. We have had such fun adventures; quietly fishing on the pier, chatting endlessly about deep topics and paper crafting. It has been time spent simply being together and enjoying our relationship, but it wasn’t always so.
In the past, alcohol influenced my behaviors and attitudes. I emotionally hurt the ones I cared for and loved the most. It was initially difficult to process the pain that I had inflicted, but as I owned my actions, I moved from feeling like a victim into the new woman that Statement #9 affirms.
Putting continued practice into Statement #9 enables everyone to move forward from the past and live today. Here are 4 ways to put action into Statement #9.
- Make a commitment to let go: Realize and understand what you are holding onto. Does it do you any good to maintain the pain?
- Express and own your hurts: Give the pain a portal to be released. Share it in an online or F2F WFS meeting, journal, do a physical activity (I pick up sticks in the yard) but give it an outlet as well as ownership.
- Let go of blame: Blame removes the ability to move through or change something by placing ownership with someone else and keeps us in victim mode. Choose to be a victor instead of a victim.
- Be present: You have been hurt in the past, but you are living today. Embrace this moment with mindfulness. Examine where you are emotionally and physically. Employ forgiveness; it is for your benefit.
Hi 4C Women,
All of the tips Karen shared are powerful ways to go from victim to victor, from survivor of past hurt to thriver of a New Life. It took a long time for me to go from blame to acceptance of my role in past behavior/actions. What I learned by acknowledging my role is that it helped me to recognize the changes I needed to make. It put me in charge of “my” life changes so that I would have a healthier present and learn from my past, making choices that supported my well-being. It didn’t mean that I wasn’t hurt by the past, it just meant I would not dwell in it, especially since the persons who hurt me were not dwelling on how they hurt me. It was me keeping the chains of pain wrapped around my soul and mind. And the most powerful change was that I forgave myself. So often we work on forgiving others, which I feel is important to move forward, yet we forget how crucial it is to forgive ourselves.
As you move away from your role as victim, releasing the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life, wishing you could change the circumstances, perhaps your role in that hurt, it will become clear how important Statement #9 is in changing how you view your past. No matter how much we may wish, history cannot be rewritten. However, we can now create a new history that is based on lessons learned, pain that is healed, nourishing of self-esteem, setting healthy boundaries, embracing the time and energy we can now devote to rebuilding self-love, self-worth, self-respect.
And remember, there are positive memories from the past. Choose to recall those when the hurtful past starts to tap you on the shoulder. Close your eyes and focus on even one precious, joyful past memory. Sort of combining Statement #2, Negative thoughts destroy only myself and Statement #9, The past is gone forever. Quite a powerful combination.
Bonded in the freedom that self-forgiveness provides in healing from the past!
your 4C Sister