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Monday Thoughts 8/26/2019

Monday Thoughts

“When you let go of the things that no longer serve you, you make space for the things that do.”  ~~Unknown
“Letting go is even more important than adding.”  ~~Marie Kondo

“These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.”  ~~Najwa Zebian


Statement #9
The past is gone forever.
No longer am I victimized by the past. I am a new woman.


For over a week, my daughter has been visiting.  We have had such fun adventures; quietly fishing on the pier, chatting endlessly about deep topics and paper crafting.  It has been time spent simply being together and enjoying our relationship, but it wasn’t always so.

In the past, alcohol influenced my behaviors and attitudes.  I emotionally hurt the ones I cared for and loved the most.  It was initially difficult to process the pain that I had inflicted, but as I owned my actions, I moved from feeling like a victim into the new woman that Statement #9 affirms.

Putting continued practice into Statement #9 enables everyone to move forward from the past and live today.  Here are 4 ways to put action into Statement #9.

  1. Make a commitment to let go: Realize and understand what you are holding onto.  Does it do you any good to maintain the pain?
  2. Express and own your hurts: Give the pain a portal to be released. Share it in an online or F2F WFS meeting, journal, do a physical activity (I pick up sticks in the yard) but give it an outlet as well as ownership.
  3. Let go of blame: Blame removes the ability to move through or change something by placing ownership with someone else and keeps us in victim mode. Choose to be a victor instead of a victim.
  4. Be present: You have been hurt in the past, but you are living today.  Embrace this moment with mindfulness. Examine where you are emotionally and physically.  Employ forgiveness; it is for your benefit.

Hugzzz
Karen


Hi 4C Women,

All of the tips Karen shared are powerful ways to go from victim to victor, from survivor of past hurt to thriver of a New Life. It took a long time for me to go from blame to acceptance of my role in past behavior/actions. What I learned by acknowledging my role is that it helped me to recognize the changes I needed to make. It put me in charge of “my” life changes so that I would have a healthier present and learn from my past, making choices that supported my well-being. It didn’t mean that I wasn’t hurt by the past, it just meant I would not dwell in it, especially since the persons who hurt me were not dwelling on how they hurt me. It was me keeping the chains of pain wrapped around my soul and mind. And the most powerful change was that I forgave myself. So often we work on forgiving others, which I feel is important to move forward, yet we forget how crucial it is to forgive ourselves.

As you move away from your role as victim, releasing the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life, wishing you could change the circumstances, perhaps your role in that hurt, it will become clear how important Statement #9 is in changing how you view your past. No matter how much we may wish, history cannot be rewritten. However, we can now create a new history that is based on lessons learned, pain that is healed, nourishing of self-esteem, setting healthy boundaries, embracing the time and energy we can now devote to rebuilding self-love, self-worth, self-respect.

And remember, there are positive memories from the past. Choose to recall those when the hurtful past starts to tap you on the shoulder. Close your eyes and focus on even one precious, joyful past memory. Sort of combining Statement #2, Negative thoughts destroy only myself and Statement #9, The past is gone forever. Quite a powerful combination.

Bonded in the freedom that self-forgiveness provides in healing from the past!
your 4C Sister

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Monday Thoughts 2/25/2019

Monday Thoughts

“Be the person who breaks the cycle. If you were judged, choose understanding. If you were rejected, choose acceptance. If you were shamed, choose compassion. Be the person you needed when you were hurting, not the person who hurt you. Vow to be better than what broke you—to heal instead of becoming bitter so you can act from your heart, not your pain.” ~~Lori Deschene

“You may write me down in history with your bitter, twisted lines. You may trod me in the very dirt, but still, like dust, I’ll rise.” ~~Maya Angelou

“Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?”~~Mary Manin Morrissey


Statement #9
The past is gone forever.
No longer am I victimized by the past. I am a new woman.


Rising from the past, any past filled with fear, hatred, or trauma can happen with the practice of Statement #9. Starting with the awareness and knowledge of holding onto or clinging to the past begins the process to move through strong or difficult emotions linked to days long gone.

In our WFS Program Booklet, “We evaluate our past so we can learn from it. We examine our feelings about the past so we can process and release them. Our interest in the past is to use it as a guide for how we want to be in the moment and to prepare for the future.” Statement #9 is an effective tool to move away from the pain of the past.

This Statement has been a lifesaver for me and countless others thanks to Jean and the effort put into it. My past lived in my mind for years but through sobriety and recovery and the WFS New Life Program, the past is now a tool for learning and growing into today.

How do you rise from the past?

Hugzzz
Karen


Hi 4C Women,

What a great question from Karen. I practiced that this very morning. A man tried to intimidate me with his words and for a moment I was standing in front of my ex-husband, stumbling for the right response, feeling ignorant and trying not to cry so he wouldn’t see that he was succeeding. Statement 9 and 12 flashed before me. I am competent, smart and have learned to express myself assertively. It was just amazing that with all the knowledge and life experience I gained along the way, I was back in the past, questioning myself.

I share this because years ago, I would have stayed in that fearful state of mind. So, while I was there momentarily, I didn’t stay there. WFS in action, is powerful. I stood strong. Yet, I was a bit unnerved by it all and was blessed that a friend was close by who spoke to me about perhaps his being in a bad place and I became the recipient. In other words, it was more about him than anything about me. I also recognized that my reaction had more to do with the years of intimidation felt by my ex than this one encounter with someone I don’t know very well. That is another lesson I have learned through WFS – to be in the moment, to not lump everyone from the past into the present and deal with the situation at hand.

Jean was very wise in teaching us, through Statement 9, to release and heal from the past, to stop the pain, shame and perceived guilt that does not serve us in the present. For me, forgiveness of self has been the key to healing. There are still times that are difficult yet, without it, I would not be able to move forward at all or learn to make healthier choices in the present. Remember, we are in charge of lives, our decisions and that includes whether we are willing to release the past, stop victimizing ourselves and be in the present.

Bonded in releasing and healing from the past and no longer victimizing ourselves,
4C WFS Member

Posted on

Monday Thoughts 11/26/2018

Monday Thoughts

Yesterday’s home runs don’t win today’s games.” ~~Babe Ruth

“What you know today can affect what you do tomorrow. But what you know today cannot affect what you did yesterday.” ~~Condoleezza Rice

“Why let go of yesterday? Because yesterday has let go of you.” ~~Steve Maraboli


Statement #9:
The past is gone forever.
No longer am I victimized by the past.
I am a new woman.


Recently in our f2f group, one 4C woman brilliantly described how she curtails thoughts about the past.  In her mind, she imagines or envisions “auto-correct,” backing up and erasing regrets/negative thoughts and replacing the words with statements which empower her towards her goals. This is an excellent tool to put action into Statement #9.

Instead of replaying events or thoughts from the past, we can zap unhealthy or unproductive lines of thinking and insert self-encouragement. Our Program booklet states “To loosen one’s grip on the past is not always easy. We evaluate our past so we can learn from it. We examine our feelings about the past so we can process and release them. Our interest in the past is to use it as a guide for how we want to be in the moment and to prepare for the future.”

Sobriety and Statement #9 in action focus on the present and plans for tomorrow. Romancing past alcohol or drug use kept the process repeating, but this critical Statement offers alternative choices and opens up endless possibility.

Hugzzz
Karen


Hi 4C Women,

The past has come back to me this past week and it’s been a struggle to work through it. As I reached out, I realized how blessed I am for Statement 9 and the support I received. I don’t usually read my horoscope which is on the side bar of my home page but for some reason, I decided to and here is what it said on the very day I couldn’t stop the tears and reached out. “You will likely receive the support you need if you seek out advice on a problem today. But where you find counsel isn’t as important as the information you are given. The key message is that you needn’t go through life’s rough patches or face its array of baffling questions alone. You also don’t have to feel like you’re the only person who must come up with all the answers now. Thankfully, it warms your heart to know that others have your back when you need them.”

As I started my Christmas decorating, I decided to open each wrapped ornament, ceramic item, holiday photos and snowmen (I am a collector) with great care and reflection. I was overwhelmed with gratefulness for the love I have experienced in my life even while feeling sad about the losses. I cannot change the past and while there are times I am conflicted with regrets, Statement 9 brings me back to the realization that it is futile to be stuck with what cannot be changed. So I keep on learning, trying to understand my strong reactions and seek peace and healing. I hope that each of you will reach out when you need to share unsettling feelings, gain insight from others and know you are doing the best you can. You are enough and most importantly, you are not alone. Part of no longer victimizing ourselves begins with forgiving ourselves for our mistakes and unhealthy choices. No longer will we be the provider of punishment and continued suffering. We can go to that auto correct button and press “forgive, heal and learn from the past.

Bonded in forgiveness, healing and learning as the past is gone forever!!

4C WFS Member