Hello Competent Women!
I wanted to give a quick shout-out of love to all of our 4C women today! Whether you have a sweetheart or not, I sincerely hope that all of you can take a moment to practice a little self-love and self-appreciation today.
I remember one year, well before I found WFS, that I was feeling very sorry for myself on Valentine’s Day (Statement #2). I was single and I was moping about being without a sweetheart on this day that we set aside to celebrate love. I wandered listlessly into the grocery store during my lunch break to try to find something appealing to eat. Right at the entrance was a large display of Valentine’s candy and gifts, seemingly mocking my loneliness, all 75% off. “Wow,” I thought, “I could buy something for every single one of my friends for that price.”
As the faces of the dear men and women in my life began to play like a slideshow in my mind, it slowly dawned on me that I did, in fact, have a whole lot of love surrounding me (#7). Sure, I wasn’t romantically involved with anyone, but lots of people loved me, and I loved them in myriad ways. I loved the way my best friend always took my side when I was struggling with a difficult situation. I loved that I could go to another one of my friend’s houses any time and just sit on the couch and watch bad t.v. with him when I was bored and feeling alone. I loved that I could get into wacky political debates with another one of my gal pals. And I realized that they probably loved at least a few things about me, too! (#10)
I resolved then and there to change my attitude and not spend a lonely evening feeling sorry myself (#13). I grabbed a basket and filled it to the brim with heart-shaped boxes of cheap confections and cheesy kid’s valentines cards (#6). I spent the afternoon making a mental list of who I wanted to share love with that evening and plotting my driving route (#12). When I got off work, I happily slogged through Seattle rush-hour traffic to make my rounds (#11). I didn’t call ahead of time, I just showed up on people’s doorsteps, silly V-day tchotchkes in hand, surprising my friends with my message of love, receiving a quick hug and maybe sharing a tear or two of surprised joy, and running off to the next house (#3). If they weren’t home, I left them a love-filled surprise and received messages of appreciation later (#10).
Since then, I’ve had many Valentine’s Days when I’ve had sweethearts, and plenty without (#13). I’ve had lonely single V-days, and lonely ones when I’ve been in a relationship, too (#4). One year early in my sobriety, the only living soul I could think of who loved me was my cat! (#10) I’ve isolated and wallowed in my misery some years (#2), and been able to turn myself around in others (#3). This year, I am single but definitely not alone (#5). I have thousands of Sisters worldwide, bonded together in overcoming our addictions, learning to give love, learning to receive love, and supporting each other as we learn to love ourselves a little more (#8).
What’s your favorite Valentine’s story? I invite you to comment below and share with the world! (Blog comments may be left anonymously.)
Much Love,
Adrienne Miller
President/CEO
Women for Sobriety, Inc.
I love what you write. I would have to say (and I bet I’m not alone!!) that Valentine’s Day is one of those days that can provide you with ample opportunities to feel sorry for yourself if you happen to be single/alone. But it’s all relative, just as you say. As I become more healthy, I value friendships more and more. Back in the day, my pattern was so unhealthy – going from one addicted relationship to the next. Now, I realize I was looking for a savior or rescuer. These days, that’s not the case anymore. Yay! Love takes many forms. Now on Valentine’s day, I can receive all kinds of little gifts from the hearts of all kinds of people, which I was unable to even see nor appreciate before.
One of our Sisters wears a particular t-shirt to Conference each year that I just love. It says, “Self-Rescuing Princess”. Thank you for the kind words, and I’m so happy that you are able to receive the true gifts of love today!
Years ago I’d been pining away, lonely on Valentines Day when an old boyfriend showed up at my door. He had a gift in hand. Guess what, never mind, you never will. A set of mud flaps for my car! What? Yep. Such a romantic. As I said, he was an ex boyfriend and remains so!!!
This story isn’t exactly on topic but I laugh every Valentine’s Day when I think of it!!! I’d much rather have had your “tchotchkes“, Adrienne!
Cindy
Haha, thank you for the Valentine’s Day laugh!
I love your sweet Valentine story, Adrienne. Thanks for reminding us of how the statements can reframe what looks like a bad day.
Some years back i fixed a really nice filet mignon dinner for the whole family, left to pick up daughter from ballet class, drove into a ditch (long before my drinking days) – a couple thousand $ damage. Most expensive Valentine’s dinner ever!
Oh no! Sounds like luckily everyone was okay… except for the filet!