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“With awareness comes responsibility and choice.”
“You are not responsible for the programming you received in childhood. But as an adult, you are 100% responsible for fixing it.”
“Feeling compassion for ourselves in no way releases us from responsibility for our actions. Rather, it releases us from the self-hatred that prevents us from responding to our life with clarity and balance.”
#13 I am responsible for myself and for my actions.
I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts and my life.
An enlightening discussion and workshop from our recent WFS Conference came from one of our speakers, Carolyn Zahner, MSW, LISW. Carolyn spoke on the impact of generational and individual trauma and the role that addiction plays. It is empowering to learn the hows and whys behind this process and how we can move forward with Statement #13 leading the way.
Releasing blame, setting ownership, and creating balance begin with Statement #13 in action. In our WFS Program booklet, it states, “Often our thoughts are formed by past experiences, actions and attitudes inherited from family and society. By understanding our thoughts, we can accept responsibility for our actions. We recognize we have options and choices.” No longer are we destined to repeat a family pattern, and it’s not a curse. We are in charge of ourselves, from our thoughts to our actions.
Today I understand that family history is just that, history. While things in the past may have been difficult or traumatic, I have options and choices today. I am able to sit with uncomfortable feelings and work through them. I am a 4C woman!
Dear 4C Women,
Releasing blame and accepting ownership for my choices in life began as a slow process to living Statement #13. It felt so comfortable to blame others for my life circumstances. I am so grateful I was able to eventually make that necessary change. In doing so, I began to reflect on my decision-making and realized I had a lot to learn in order to live a balanced life. Yes, others’ actions had an impact on me and reinforced my low self-esteem, low self-worth, and any inkling that I could make good decisions. I was very influenced and intimidated by others, especially those in authority. I didn’t have a voice then and it was through WFS that I began to trust my decisions, ability to problem solve, and most importantly, trust my instincts. It was so new to me. I felt a sense of empowerment each time I expressed my feelings or ideas. I started following through instead of waiting for someone else to tell me what to do. So, if I didn’t make the best decision, I eventually learned from that and didn’t stop trying. That, too, was something I never thought I would do. Being so used to blaming others since I depended on them to guide me, the fact that I accepted my mistakes and got back up, was exhilarating. I actually began liking that I was in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life. This was especially important when I became divorced after 27 years of marriage. I had big decisions to make and thanks to my sobriety and the inside changes I made through WFS, I felt confident to forge ahead. I bought my first house on my own and a car. I remember my son saying I had the happiest look on my face and seemed so proud on the day we moved into my house. That alone was worth breaking down the wall of fear and judgment that held me back for so many years.
This Statement is one I especially need now. I have been questioning some of my decision-making regarding my daughter’s health and feeling guilty about not doing more. I think this is a natural feeling when losing a loved one. I mention this as I think it’s important for everyone to recognize and acknowledge that life presents unexpected challenges that ask us to do the best we can. Along with that comes self-forgiveness in order to heal and continue to believe in who and where we are on our recovery journey. As you learn, change, and make healthier decisions, remember to honor and celebrate your strengths, resiliency, and willingness to gain personal and emotional growth from your mistakes and successes. Always have that willingness to be courageous.
Perhaps you can share where you are right now in being in charge of your life, what challenges you are facing, what you have learned about yourself by practicing Statement #13, what is the biggest lesson you learned from a mistake and success, and what you consider your purpose. Having a purpose provides direction, enthusiasm, and confidence in doing what brings you great joy and making positive changes.
Bonded in being in charge of our lives under both stressful situations and wonderful moments, Dee
Access to the recordings is included for all full-price conference registrants. If you weren’t able to join us live this weekend, here is an opportunity to experience some of the best of what this year had to offer!