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“If you avoid conflict to keep the peace you start a war within yourself.”
“Your fear is 100% dependent on you for its survival.”
“When trauma has shaped you, try not to confuse who you had to become with who you can be.”
Thema Bryant Davis
#4 Problems bother me only to the degree I permit.
I now better understand my problems.
I do not permit problems to overwhelm me.
The WFS New Life Program fosters healing and growth, especially for women who have experienced emotional or physical trauma. Sobriety starts the process while Statement #4 in daily action can aid in balance and understanding. This creates sturdy building blocks for a stable and empowering recovery.
Fear often drove behaviors before my New Life while alcohol solved nothing except keep active addiction in place. As a survivor of domestic abuse, fear was woven into every fiber of my being and dictated how I responded to life. Thankfully through sobriety and the WFS Program, especially Statement #4, I have been able to heal many of those internal wounds. Of course, those painful reminders and triggers can occur at any time yet today I have new coping skills and connections that ease me through the difficulty.
As part of Level 2 Recovery, Statement #4 requires an honest examination or review of our problems. It is not possible to maneuver through challenges unless we can identify or name them. This is a great starting point and once a problem is out in the open, solutions become visible. It is important to know that patience and perseverance go hand in hand with Statement #4. Things may be difficult right now but any overwhelming feelings are not permanent and with WFS, you are never alone. You are a competent woman!
Hi 4C Women,
I used this Statement quite often when I was working and had a meeting with a challenging situation and/or person. I remember standing outside the office door, taking a deep breath, and repeating Statement #4 as I opened the door. It made such a huge difference as I focused on listening and finding a solution. My whole attitude changed which changed my approach. I began to understand that my voice mattered and I needed to let go of always giving in, feeling my opinions didn’t matter and began to use Statement #4 as a source of conflict resolution and negotiation. That is when I started actively listening.
Growing up, I was fearful of conflict, and always compliant. The day I showed anger, my mom and sister thought it was hysterical. That was a very strong message to keep my mouth closed, my feelings were silly and rejection was always waiting. Not anymore. I choose my words carefully as the goal is to solve a problem. I also learned there is a huge difference between a problem and a concern that needs resolving and that may take a few tries. There is a lot to be gained in resolution as scary as it might be to address it. No matter what the outcome, it matters that YOU matter.
Holding onto the fears of rejection, being unheard and past pains will continue to hurt the one person who has control of your life and that’s you. So rather than being overwhelmed, consider the freedom you can experience in addressing conflict, letting go of what I call everyday problems that for me, encompassed hours of unnecessary time that could be used for working at resolving real, life-changing concerns.
I found some ground rules for working through conflict that I’d like to share:
No one will run away
No one will shame or blame
No one will use force, manipulation, or violence (Karen so courageously shared that experience with us in this message. It is never okay!)
Try with all our hearts to understand each other
Speak our truths
Work together in the name of harmony and unity until we reach clarity or find a solution everyone can live with.
And lastly, this Statement clearly shows how important boundaries are in resolving problems/conflicts/concerns. Boundaries need to be ones you can follow through on. They are your self-protection and guide to knowing your voice, your feelings are of utmost importance and value.
Bonded in speaking our truth, creating realistic boundaries, and working on healing conflicts as best we can, Dee
Planning for the WFS 2023 virtual conference is underway! Please consider sharing your talents by joining the conference planning team to make this an incredible experience for all attendees and an excellent representation of WFS! Email conference@womenforsobriety.
We look forward to you joining us.
Please note- WFS requires attendance at a volunteer orientation within 3 months of joining a team for new volunteers.
The next one is February 7th at 8:30 pm Eastern: Link to register https://womenforsobriety.app.neoncrm.com/event.jsp?event=127&