Month: April 2022

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Hi 4C Women,

I say very often that I have found my voice and I know it was found through the WFS program and especially Statement #5.  Before recovery, what I thought of myself was not exactly self-esteem building or empowering.  It was challenging enough to introduce myself as a competent woman at a meeting yet to add more positive adjectives/nouns to describe and define myself seemed an impossibility.

These questions helped me to think about how I see myself:

What do I do consistently well?

What are my strongest traits/characteristics?

What do I respect about myself?

How do I feel about speaking my voice?

I feel empowered when…

One of my favorite songs about self-realization is “Here I Stand” by Karen Drucker on her “The Heart of Healing” album.  I listened to it many times and shared it with my WFS group as it truly expresses my journey to living Statement #5.  I emailed her letting her know how much this song represented me and WFS with its emotional and spiritual growth, empowerment, and belief in self.  She was happy that I shared it with other WFS 4C women and hoped I would continue to do so.

“Here I Stand.”

Here I Stand Words & Music: Karen Drucker & Sloan Wainwright This song was written with another one of my favorite singer/songwriters, Sloan Wainwright. We got together and talked about what was going on in our lives and realized that we were both finally feeling that we had let go of the old stories of not enough, and giving our power away. This song is a celebration for anyone who is willing to stand up and claim their power.

“I was a little girl who never spoke her mind.

I wouldn’t rock the boat, I couldn’t cross the line,

but every step that I’ve taken, every pain, every tear,

has led me to the woman who’s standing right here.

I got so tired of giving myself away,

always looking for someone to tell me I was okay.

I got to a place where I could trust my heart,

it was the perfect place for a brand- new start.

Chorus: Here I stand in my power.

Here I stand in my power.

Here I stand in my power.

Here I stand. (Here I stand) Here I stand.

I am a warrior. I am invincible.

I am as strong as steel and I am capable,

and I am soft as a feather light and free,

and the truth that I know, healing begins with me.

Chorus Bridge: Here I stand. Here I stand. Here I stand.

With all that I’ve been through, there ain’t nothin’ I can’t do…

Chorus

 

©TayToones Music BMI 2015 & Derby Disc Music SESAC From Karen’s CD: “Joy In Our Hearts” and “The Heart of Healing 2″

So empowering and so … me from not speaking my mind growing up to the woman standing in her power and knowing that healing began with me!

Bonded in loving ourselves, healing ourselves, and being empowered to define ourselves in a positive light, Dee

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Hi 4C Women,

Learning to problem-solve supports decision-making when there is a true concern. The key is to know the difference between an ordinary problem and a real issue that needs resolution. I agree with Karen that sometimes taking a few minutes to reflect rather than expecting an immediate solution is a wonderful route to take. Sharing it with a trusted friend can bring about a whole different perspective when a fresh set of ears listens.

I have had many concerns over the years and while I sometimes felt incompetent to make a sound decision, I also learned that I could make a mistake and survive, even learn from it, could reach out for input, be successful, and most importantly, build my confidence in problem-solving. I learned that focusing on ordinary, everyday problems, was just really distracting me from handling the real concerns in my life. In the beginning, I only saw the mistakes I made. Learning a lesson from mistakes – no way! I tended to punish myself which hurt my self-esteem even more and put into question any possibility of trusting my instincts or learning better problem-solving skills. Feeling overwhelmed led to numbing those thoughts. Numbing led to disappointment, discouragement, and again, self-punishment. What a profound difference in learning the lesson! Wow, I actually started trusting myself, seeking help from those who supported me, and building a toolbox of coping skills that provided me a path to becoming a 4C woman. I was certainly learning how to not let problems overwhelm me so I could focus on the real concerns. That gave me time and energy for tackling what needed my attention.

Who would or do you turn to for input?

What’s a lesson you have learned from a mistake and a success?

If your concern is about a relationship, what would you gain from resolving that conflict in a healthy, compassionate, and honest manner? Conflict is about having a problem to solve. That’s important to remember as we come to relationships with our own histories and values. I learned a lot about myself in working on conflict in relationships. I gained a sense of worthiness that before was not even a word in my vocabulary. I began to know what I needed, what I deserved, and what was a deal-breaker in dissolving or maintaining a relationship. That was powerful information. I actually put a value on myself! What is the value you put on yourself (deserve, need)?

Finally, the fear of presenting my ideas in problem-solving kept me stuck until I found my voice, spoke my voice, and felt the empowerment of doing so. And, again, I survived, thrived, and learned more lessons than if I had kept my fear in expressing my thoughts. Are you ready to learn? Give It a try as Karen suggested in reflecting, reaching out, and doing what feels right for you and your values.

Bonded in letting go of everyday problems, focusing on concerns, and learning invaluable lessons along the way, Dee

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While we hope to see you in person in Portland … Early Registration savings of $50 is available until 4/22 …

Please note that on-demand registration is now open and only $25.

 

 

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Dear 4C Women,

I always think of the WFS program as choice and change.  I can make a choice and I can make a change through that choice.  Happiness is one of those choices.  I use to be a very envious person and so I related to Karen’s thoughts about some people being born lucky and I wasn’t one of them.  Little did I connect my attitude towards creating my own happiness.  What I learned is that life is full of ups and downs, happy times and sad times.  I focused way too much on the down times in describing my life.  The good, happy times were a fluke and sure enough the other shoe would drop and validate my outlook on life.  Alcohol certainly didn’t provide me with insight to see that I had created this lopsided view of happiness, joy in my life.  I’ve had some beautiful moments of happiness.  Yet, my outlook, my attitude kept me from seeing the balance and learning that I could and needed to work on embracing those happy moments and create more of them by being proactive. 

I am a firm believer in acknowledging authentic feelings.  It helps me to identify what’s going on in the depth of my heart.  It validates those feelings which then becomes a guide for me to work through and understand the sad and angry feelings to create the balance I yearn for.  It’s been more challenging over the past two or so years to see the balance.  I can’t deny that.  I’m not alone either as we all have been experiencing the sad aspects of the pandemic, losing loved ones, being sick ourselves, being unable to visit loved ones, working in isolation from home, learning new ways of coping that for many of us, we were not prepared for such extremes.  And now the helpless feeling of the war in Ukraine.  When I experience those feelings, I have a coping tool that helps me.  I go back to the basics.  I make a list of what I am grateful for, the loving people in my life, my support system, appreciating what I do have, what I can still physically do and work on putting needed self-care back into my routine.  Doing that creates a sense of balance and hope.  My greatest gift in recovery is hope.  For me, hope is my foundation.  Hope fuels my proactive side.  Creating happiness is all part of that.  When I read Karen’s experience at the airport and her attitude about the situation, it was and is a powerful example of how our attitude, our thought process can completely change the entire experience. 

I do believe that others can provide and add happiness to our lives.  The imbalance is when we depend solely on others to do that.  Our expectations are too high along with the cost to our relationships.  We get disappointed, angry or confused about relationships if that is our only source of joy or happiness.  And what an unfair burden to place on someone.  So, this week, perhaps make a concerted effort, a plan, to create happiness in your life.  It can be as simple as calling someone you’ve been missing, reconnecting with enthusiasm, doing something you love by volunteering, sending a “thinking of you” card to brighten up someone’s day, be spontaneous and say yes to an unexpected invitation, turn on your favorite music and sing along (no judgment on your singing abilities!), dance with abandon around the room and discover or rediscover what brings a smile to your face and share the experience! 

Bonded in creating balance, practicing self-care, being authentic and proactive in experiencing joy and happiness, Dee

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