Month: March 2022

Dear 4C Women,

I rebelled at first to take responsibility for my New Life. I eventually retired my “blame everyone else for my life” crown. It was challenging as that crown felt so comfortable on my head. In learning to take responsibility, I felt so empowered, in charge. I wasn’t expecting that. For me to accept responsibility for my choices felt scary. To admit I made mistakes and unhealthy choices meant I really had to accept Statement #1 in totality.

Little did I realize I was exchanging fear for freedom, guilt, and shame to learning major life lessons that helped me create problem-solving skills rather than automatic reactions, life-changing coping skills, and surviving the acceptance of my mistakes. Even now, when I question my decisions, I realize I am in a better space and it’s due to acceptance of Statement #1. I truly did not believe that taking charge of my life would empower me. I am so glad I persevered and learned a whole new perspective of what being in charge meant for me. I have been in recovery for a long time and yet I feel new each day and privileged to even think I might be a part of someone else’s survival guide as quoted by Brené Brown. What’s beautiful about her quote is that as we practice Statement #1, we each become a gift to others.

Writing Monday Thoughts is part of giving back for me. It is letting others know and understand that we are together, we are bonded in helping each other. Perhaps that is part of my empowerment story. It is bringing hope to others that it is possible and it is! The life-threatening problem that once had me has been exchanged for a New Life. Even when I feel unsure at times, I accept that I know it is temporary, that I no longer react impulsively in a way that might harm me but in the assurance that I will survive with the knowledge and support of my 4C sisters. What a gift, what a joy, and what a New Life!

Considerations:
Who is part of your support system?
What are the new coping skills you have acquired?
What is your gift to others?
Do you allow yourself to feel your feelings and learn from them?
What have you learned about yourself as you practice Statement #1?
What are your current struggles in creating your New Life?
What is the best part of your New Life?
I hope these questions will help you work through the challenges and rewards of creating your New Life.

Bonded in empowering change and supporting each other’s recovery journey, Dee

Dear 4C Women,

I have been divorced for 28 years and just saying the number seems unreal to me at times. One of my favorite quotes is one I saw on a calendar many years ago: “Life is change, growth is possible, choose wisely.” That quote was a picture of my life during my separation and divorce. I experienced major changes, ones I had not imagined and I had a choice to grow or remain broken, fearful, and frozen. Fortunately, I had quit drinking before the separation so I was beginning to have clarity yet the fear of being totally responsible for every area of my life was strong. I had to learn vulnerability, to accept that I would make mistakes and survive but also learn if I was willing. My big question became, how am I and my life going to be different? How will my decisions affect me in 10 minutes, 10 months, 10 years? The deceit, the lies no longer served me as I was now committed to my sobriety. Yet, handling so much responsibility after being married for 27 years left me with a lot of uncertainty.

I often say that I am grateful for my addiction as it led me to seek help and the kind of help that lifted me up, changed my way of thinking and responding. Even though I thankfully was in therapy, the WFS program provided a powerful companion guide for lasting change in sobriety. I am a person who disliked change immensely yet here I was with the biggest life change I had ever experienced. Talk about walking away from dependencies – addiction, financial support, and identity – my role as a wife, provider of a safe emotional place for my children, finding a place to live after the house was sold all while working a full-time job and facilitating a WFS meeting. Facilitating a meeting was probably the most rewarding as it was a reminder of the gift of my New Life. I had tremendous support from the women in the group. I made lifelong friends and maintained my sobriety as I worked through my fears. Statement #13 reminded me that I could do this and I did.

I was blessed to have helpers in my life. I learned from each person who held out their hand just what being helped and being a helper for others meant. I was not a person who took risks yet I was thrust into a life of risk-taking. Through all the unknown territories I walked through, I was grateful that I was able to find the lesson. Before, I would focus on the mistake which did nothing for my self-esteem, problem-solving, or decision-making. Statement #13 was my guiding force.

In reflecting on your life today, how do you feel about being vulnerable, willing to take risks, accepting help, giving help, and how your decisions will affect you in 10 minutes, 10 months, 10 years? If you are triggered, your action could have a huge impact on either of the 10s. I thought a lot about that when I was triggered and thankfully, it empowered me, even more, to stand strong, to keep that 4C woman intact, and survive any mistakes I made. It was not an easy journey yet worth every up and down as long as I was willing to learn, grow, be accountable and accept the tremendous support from my 4C sisters.

What one major change are you currently experiencing?

What is the most challenging part of the situation?

What is your reaction to change?

How will you better care for yourself during the course of the change?

What problem solving and decision-making skills are you learning in this situation?

Are you able to be a helper and/or accept help?

Bonded in taking responsibility, learning the lessons, and standing strong, Dee

Dear 4C Women,

It took me a while yet I eventually realized that life is not stagnant and I am ever so grateful for that knowledge. If life remained the same after I quit drinking, if there wasn’t a program with guidelines for a New Life, I don’t think I would ever have been willing or possibly able to accept and practice Statement #12. What a powerful impact this Statement has had in my life, to believe I am a competent woman and have much to give life! I also learned to accept while I may not be competent in all things, it doesn’t take away the truth for me and all of us, that we are indeed competent women. I believe being competent means I am wise enough to ask for help in areas that I need input/assistance and not feel less than. It’s always been hard to ask for help yet I am getting much better at it and while I embrace being responsible for my life, it’s a relief to not have to be all-knowing or think I have to be perfect to make up for my behavior in active addiction. Perfection is an unachievable goal and a roadblock to healing, changing, and moving forward.

The 4 ways that Karen listed to nurture your whole self are practical and doable and fit so well together. I especially appreciate acknowledging our victories. I was brought up in an age when a young girl/woman acknowledging their achievements was considered self-centered or conceited. Thank goodness that has changed and we can cheer and shout about our competency without fear of being judged negatively. And if we are judged, we are competent enough to stand strong and know our truth. We have made many lists in the meetings on this Statement. My favorite is the one that lists all of our positive qualities, achievements, core values on a 3×5 index card. On the other side is the word “Stop.” Sometimes we get caught up in negative self-talk. This list is a reminder to stop and read how much we have changed, achieved, and are still committed to creating this wonderful New Life of competency. I keep it in my purse for those negative self-talk moments.  We all come with a history, a lifetime of diverse experiences.  Redefining our self-concept in practicing Statement #12 when we become sober, can be the beginning in acknowledging and awakening how competent we are, have been and willingly, joyfully share it with the world.

Are you ready to accept yourself where you are right now, create your list of victories, balance yourself with your uniqueness, and embrace self-compassion? If not now, when?

Bonded in competency and worthiness, Dee

Dear 4C Women,

Such a powerful question to focus on what gives your life special meaning, especially considering what is happening in the world, our world, and those who are struggling for their lives, their safety. At the beginning of my recovery journey, I told myself I was making a big sacrifice to give up drinking. What I failed to incorporate into my “sacrifice” was the purpose, the reward of this sacrifice. I thought the sole purpose was to not drink, that would make my life perfect. Yet through the WFS program and Statement #11, came a much deeper understanding that led to my discovering the purpose behind it all. I discovered that there were diverse purposes, beginning with creating a New Life, a rewarding life with moments that I cherished.  After facilitating for a year, I recognized there was a profound purpose, the reward of sharing the WFS program, and being privileged to watch the personal and emotional growth of women who were searching for their purpose.  I became a new woman, I loved helping women learn how to create a new life for themselves. I had found my purpose beyond not drinking. Each time a new woman comes to a meeting in person or zoom, my enthusiasm for my purpose is enhanced and my gratitude is beyond measure. I truly believe that having a purpose in recovery creates enthusiasm, awareness, and joyful moments to treasure.

Think about where you are in your recovery and what your purpose is that feeds your enthusiasm, your gratefulness for having such an empowering, self-esteem building program. As change happens, make note of how rewarding it is to know you have created this powerful change. You are the driver of your enthusiasm journey. I feel so strongly that we need to express enthusiasm when it appears, to have the awareness of the moment.
Questions to consider when thinking about enthusiasm, gratitude, and possible changes to create those treasured moments in your life:

What activity makes you lose track of time?
What small act of enthusiasm/positive change do you feel will have a major impact on your life?
What currently is your reward or rewards in creating your New Life?

Have you discovered your purpose in sobriety, recovery? If so, what is it?
Bonded in gratitude for our New Life, the women who support us, and the challenges we have, continue to face, and survive, Dee