“The less attached you are, the more peaceful you are.” ~~Anonymous
“Learn the difference between connection and attachment. Connection gives you power, attachment sucks the life out of you.” ~~Anonymous
“Let go of expectations. Let go of your attachment to outcomes.” ~~Anonymous
Happiness is created, not waited for.
Before my New Life, attachment meant nuts, bolts, and screws; today it takes on a different and unexpected yet empowering definition. The WFS New Life Program and Statement #3 in action enable happiness to flow from within and connection to flourish.
Understanding that I was holding on to people, things, expectations, and concepts was a new consideration in sobriety and recovery. This gem of perception enabled new interpretation and acceptance of what was, instead of what I wanted to be attached to. Instead of “needing alcohol to live life,” I was able to embrace sobriety and connection followed.
By redefining the meaning of attachment that something is given, whether it be a memory or experience, a portal for happiness is created. With an eye open to possibility, the act of clinging can be reduced, and happiness increased. Oftentimes, Statement #3 relates more to contentment than happiness, yet deep down, it can be true that contentment creates happiness. Today, 4C women all over the world create their own happiness and contentment by releasing unhealthy dependencies and attachments while defining their lives.
Here is some helpful information to release attachments to feelings by Lori Deschene:
Understand that pain is unavoidable. As the saying goes, pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
Vocalize your feelings. Feel them, acknowledge them, express them, and then let them naturally transform. Even if you want to dwell in anger, sadness, or frustration—especially if you feel like dwelling—save yourself the pain and commit to working through them.
Write it down. Then toss it out. You won’t always have the opportunity to express your feelings to the people who inspired them. That doesn’t mean you need to swallow them. Write in a journal. Write a letter and burn it. Anything that helps you let go.
Xie Xie. It means thank you in Chinese. Fully embrace your happy moments—love with abandon; be so passionate, it’s contagious. If a darker moment follows, remember; it will teach you something, and soon enough, you’ll be in another happy moment to appreciate. Everything is cyclical.
Yield to peace. The ultimate desire is to feel happy and peaceful. Even if you think you want to stay angry, what you really want is to be at peace with what happened or will happen. It takes a conscious choice. Make it.
Zen your now. Experience, appreciate, enjoy, and let go to welcome another experience. It won’t always be easy. Sometimes you’ll feel compelled to attach yourself physically and mentally to people and ideas—as if it gives you some sense of control or security. You may even strongly believe you’ll be happy if you struggle to hold onto what you have. That’s okay. That’s human nature.
Just know you have the power to choose from moment to moment how you experience things you enjoy; with a sense of ownership, anxiety, and fear, or with a sense of freedom, peace and love.”
How do you release attachments in your New Life? Do you recognize past attachments?
Hi 4C Women,
Oh, those darn attachments! When reflecting on past attachments, I now understand how they kept me stuck to what was and not even imagining what could be if I worked through the past to let go and heal. The energy it took to hold onto attachments was suffocating. I did not realize it at the time because I had not grasped the concept that I was the creator of my own happiness, peace, and contentment. In my mind, only the past offered that. HOWEVER, if that were completely true, if I really looked hard at my past, I might have asked myself why I chose to drink to numb my pain, my hurt. I also learned through practicing Statement #3 that there were happy moments in my past yet most (not all) of them were from what others had done for me. In other words, I placed most of my happiness on the shoulders of others. What a burden that must have been for them. The biggest lesson I learned from Statement #3 is that happiness comes in moments and it is the awareness of those moments that we need to nurture. The foundation of contentment and peace that I was building was becoming a solid groundwork for the awareness factor. I also realized that others can add happiness/joy to my life yet it is my responsibility to create a solid foundation towards creating it.
I love that Karen pointed out that pain is inevitable. It is like grief. We all experience it. How we work through it, heal, and build an internal dialogue of positive self-talk is crucial. I do not ignore pain the same way I do not ignore those happy moments. They are all a part of teaching me ways to cope and ways to appreciate in real time. It creates a feeling of authenticity. Pretending I am in a place of peace when I am not is being untrue to myself and to my support system that cannot help me if I am not being honest. It is such a balance of receiving support when I need it and sharing my joy when it happens.
What gives you peace of mind and helps restore you?
What is one of the funniest things that has happened to you that makes you smile whenever you think of it?
If you could plan one thing that you know makes you feel joy/happiness, what would that be? Even with the pandemic, we can still dream, hope, and make a happiness plan. I love going to Christmas Shops, taking in all the beautiful decorations/ornaments, music (there’s always music playing that makes me so happy) and going to zoos as I love the playfulness of the animals. While I may not be able to do that now, just researching and planning for it makes me feel great joy in my heart and I am smiling now just thinking of when it will happen.
Bonded in creating our happiness, contentment and peace, Dee