“Either I will find a way or I will create a way; but I will not create an excuse.” ~~Anonymous
“Running away from a problem only increases the distance from the solution. The easiest way to escape from a problem is to solve it.” ~~Unknown
“When you first start off trying to solve a problem, the first solutions you come up with are very complex, and most people stop there. But if you keep going, and live with the problem and peel more layers of the onion off, you can often times arrive at some very elegant and simple solutions.” ~~Steve Jobs
Problems bother me only to the degree I permit.
I now better understand my problems.
I do not permit problems to overwhelm me.
Thinking about it, a solution is the last part of a problem. Sometimes they can be difficult to see at first, but as in the above quotes, solutions can be simple and not some extraordinary math conglomeration that needs a large whiteboard to be solved. Sobriety and recovery can be similar, the solution is to not do something, yet sometimes we can complicate the process in a number of ways.
Statement #4 is empowering. It conveys strength by stating the problem can only bother me to the degree I permit. It rests the responsibility right where it belongs. While no one can control their entire being, each of us are responsible for our reactions. Excuses are no longer needed. This is truly liberating!
Jean writes in our WFS Program Booklet “Learning that I didn’t have to react to everything with upsetting emotions was an important part of my recovery.” Instead of knee-jerk reactions, there are options. Instead of black and white rigidity, there are gray areas in-between. Have you been conditioned to respond in a certain way to a problem? What if you responded differently? How has Statement #4 helped on your journey of New Life?
Hi 4C Women,
Before WFS, I saw most everything as a problem and immediately became overwhelmed. I complained, felt life was unfair and drank to avoid seeking any solution. I didn’t realize it at the time but I was unwilling to react in a proactive manner or consider that I was making a mountain out of a molehill. Everything felt like a disaster so when real issues arrived, I was completely unprepared to handle them. I was too busy worrying about the problem of my life when I could be the solution to my life. It was eye-opening to finally get it that I was able to understand my problems and actually learn problem-solving skills and decision-making when it was necessary. Not everything was an earth-shattering problem.
I learned something else along this journey – I am a competent woman and can usually handle 1-2 major concerns but even a competent woman can be overwhelmed when perhaps a 3rd or 4th concern arrives at the same time. It’s okay to be overwhelmed and even more okay to ask for help when needed. I am not the only 4C woman who has learned invaluable lessons from WFS. I have a whole sisterhood with life experiences, great ideas and love to help me in a time of need. What a gift and relief! It also helps to discern what is truly a concern or even a crisis or perhaps an ordinary problem that does not require my time, an immediate decision/response or, for that matter, any decision at all. Sometimes things have a way of working themselves out. It’s knowing if that’s the situation and that’s part of learning from your life experience as well as the input of others in a non-judgmental way.
I appreciate Karen’s questions and hope you feel encouraged to answer them in order to make full use of Statement #4 as you grow and learn about your strengths, wisdom and abilities.
Bonded in better understanding our problems, learning to seek help and becoming proactive decision-makers,
A beautiful 4C woman