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Monday Thoughts 3/18/2019

Monday Thoughts

“Believe in yourself. You are braver than you think, more talented than you know, and capable of more than you imagine.” ~~Roy T. Bennett

“The only person who can pull me down is myself and I’m not going to let myself pull me down anymore.” ~~C. Joybell C.

“Believe it can be done. When you believe something can be done, really believe, your mind will find the ways to do it. Believing a solution paves the way to solution.” ~~David J. Schwartz

Statement #12
  I am a competent woman, and I have much to give life.
This is what I am and I shall know it always.

Years ago, a teacher told me, and my parents that I didn’t have what it takes to achieve the goals that I wanted. For a long time, those words echoed in my mind whenever I wished to try something. I usually quit before even getting started. Looking back, I lived down to those comments. Then I got sober and Statement #12 became my new mantra.

Alcohol and/or drugs crush the ability to think, be and overcome. Instead of feelings of competence, feelings of lack, insecurity and fear tend to take over. With the practice of Statement #12, a new history can begin to be constructed.

In our WFS Program Booklet it states “Begin each day with an unshakable belief in your own competency. First the thought, then the reality. Believing you are a competent woman is giving to life. Know you are a competent woman.” Here are some helpful questions related to Statement #12:

  1. What are your strengths? Make a list and continue to add to it.
  2. Review moments in your life in which you felt competent. What was the process and what did it feel like?
  3. Did someone in the past influence you negatively? Take charge and know you have much to give life.
  4. Set realistic goals. Be persistent in your pursuits and break down the process into manageable pieces. Think of eating an elephant one bite at at time.



Hi 4C Women,

I, too, had a guidance counselor who told me I wasn’t college material at age 15. I accepted that definition and was convinced that I was stupid and had nothing to offer. I lived that lie for many years. Even when my former boss told me how she trusted me to handle things when she was on a business trip and how insightful I was, it didn’t compute in my mind that she may be right. It really wasn’t until I was in my mid 40s that I felt a glimmer of hope that I actually was competent, smart and had a lot to offer this world. I love how Karen says we can construct a new history. It is up to us to know our truth, not the lies we might tell ourselves based on another’s opinion or the guilt we are holding onto from our past that cannot be changed. What we can do is change our self-concept. In fact, I consider it our responsibility to do so and create a new uplifting, current and truthful mantra, one for the women we are today.

Dr. Phil talked about our 10 defining moments in his book “Self Matters.” I considered the one with my guidance counselor to be in the top ten as it changed or perhaps confirmed my low self-esteem definition of how I saw myself back then. A person in authority validated my erroneous definition of who I thought I was.

There were questions Dr. Phil posed for each defining moment and it was followed by asking the participant to identify the “before” and the “after” in their self-concept. It was enlightening to realize that while I clung to the negativity of that one moment, I learned through WFS and life experience, that I was in charge of rejecting that moment and creating a new one that was empowering. I also learned that the 10 defining moments can be positive ones as well. I remember my stepfather staying home with me when I was very ill as a grade school-er and teaching me to read with his great patience and love. Dr. Phil also said that we all need thousands of kind, loving and caring remarks to erase one hurtful, painful comment. This is why we repeat that we are competent women at our meetings until we believe it in our gut and why we need to wake up each morning with a positive mantra that highlights our remarkable selves as Statement 12 expresses.

What would be your mantra?

Bonded in being competent women and knowing it ALWAYS!
4C WFS Member

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Monday Thoughts 12/17/2018

Monday Thoughts
Don’t ever doubt yourselves or waste a second of your life. It’s too short, and you’re too special.” ~~Ariana Grande“

“The one way to get me to work my hardest was to doubt me.” ~~Michelle Obama

“An exciting and inspiring future awaits you beyond the noise in your mind, beyond the guilt, doubt, fear shame, insecurity and heaviness of the past you carry around.” ~~Debbie Ford

Statement #12:
I am a competent woman, and I have much to give life.
This is what I am, and I shall know it always.

Doubt can be a natural by-product of uncertainty, which can either serve us well by keeping us safe from something we don’t fully understand or it can be a crippling sensation which severs us from completely living. Doubt can also be quite obvious, such as the panicked hesitation before bungee jumping or it can be shrouded in secrecy, much like when trying to make the decision to embrace sobriety and recovery.

Statement #12 is encouraging and empowers us to invalidate doubt. It needs direct action and requires us to override some of our most intense feelings. Jean states in the WFS Program booklet, “First the thought, then the reality.” With Statement #12, we can think it, believe it, reach it. It is important to remember that this is a process, and it can be rare to reach goals with a single attempt. In between belief and actualization is learning; what doesn’t work, what does and what falls in the middle.

The WFS Online Forum or face to face meetings can assist with learning. In these connecting and close- knit communities are women who understand and believe. Every day, cheering each other on with encouragement and experience, victories of every size and scale are achieved.  We are capable, and competent, caring and compassionate, bonded together!


Hi 4C Women,

We all need encouragement, especially during the hectic holidays. This may sound odd but today my pastor talked about a study on Neuroplasticity: brain healing and changing itself. One remark really stood out to me as it reminded me of the personal and emotional growth that takes place when practicing the WFS program: “Positive mental experiences such as happiness, compassion and accomplishment can actually change your brain structure.”  I thought about Statement 3: Happiness is a habit I am developing; our WFS moto that we are capable and competent, caring and compassionate; and Statement 1: I have a life-threatening problem that once had me all pointing to our accomplishment of gaining sobriety. When I reflect on all the emotional and spiritual growth I have achieved through the use of the WFS program, I related to this study of how our thinking and life experiences can actually have a profound, lasting change on how we react and respond in our sober lives.

Each year, I have our group answer 3 questions and give their answers as a wrapped gift to themselves. Perhaps you would consider doing this yourself:

  1. Self-Care Plan(s) for 2019
  2. Blessing(s) received this year
  3. Acknowledgment of positive change(s) made this year

Just as we cherish encouragement from others, it is important to be our own encouragers.

As we learn, gain insight, realize our competency, express it and share it, having it in writing is a reminder and a gift to ourselves. Be proud, be bold and acknowledge all that you have accomplished, what your plans are to increase your self-care and what you are grateful for as you reflect on this past year.

Bonded in acknowledging our competency and knowing it always,

4C WFS Member