Month: March 2021

“When I got sober, I thought giving up was saying goodbye to all the fun and sparkle, and it turned out to be just the opposite.  That’s when the sparkle started for me.”  ~~Mary Karr

“Well-being cannot exist just in your own head.  Well-being is a combination of feeling good as well as actually having meaning, good relationships and accomplishment.”  ~~Martin Seligman

“Take a shower, wash off the day.  Drink a glass of water.  Make the room dark.  Lie down and close your eyes.  Notice the silence.  Notice your heart.  Still beating.  Still fighting.  You made it, after all.  You made it, another day.  And you can make it one more.  You’re doing just fine.”  ~~Charlotte Eriksson

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#1 I have a life-threatening problem that once had me.

I now take charge of my life and my well-being.

 I accept the responsibility.

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New Life.  Two simple words.  Words that are packed with change, with possibility, and with being.  It is choosing to try something different.  Alcohol or drugs did not work.  That was messy, complicated, and painful, even dangerous.  New Life is not threatening and much like the above quote, it is quite the opposite.  It is the beginning of fully living.  It begins with a willingness and Statement #1.

Questions can zip through the mind when contemplating sobriety.  When will I have any fun? How will I manage __________?   What about the holidays?  Ruminating on questions like these can be a way to stall and avoid taking charge of your life.  Answers will come, along with understanding.  Early sobriety is a critical time for self-care.  You are beginning New Life, be gentle, adaptable, and curious.

Sobriety and recovery is a time for unlearning and becoming.  Create a real/virtual toolbox or folder and add helpful examples, empowering quotes or articles.  Avoid isolation and stay connected.  Give yourself permission to slow down and experience every hour differently.  Treat yourself like you have the flu.  Rest, eat small meals including protein and avoid sugar. (Sugar can dramatically increase cravings) Be active.  Get up 15 minutes earlier and begin your day by reading the Statements.  Choose one to focus on for the week.  Spend a few minutes either mentally reviewing moments of gratitude or write them down in a journal.  Learn about addiction; it is not a moral failure.  Notice your thought patterns.  Connect with other women in recovery.  Join the WFS Online Forum, or find a local face to face WFS meeting, many are getting closer to gathering in person again.  If there is not one in your area, make it a goal to start one.  Expand your interests.  If you are established in sobriety and recovery, now is a great time to examine your progress, create new goals or push through uncertainty.  Unleash the sparkle in your New Life!

Hugzzz

Karen

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Hi 4C Women,

Since the pandemic, the question most asked is how will I remain sober in this isolation?  The next question, as many establishments re-open, is how will I be able to maintain my sobriety when I am back out interacting and doing activities with others?  It’s as though we’ve been out of practice in sober socializing and it can be scary.  These are unusual times yet practicing Statement #1 has not changed when it comes to being in charge of our lives no matter the circumstances.  It might be more difficult yet it needs to remain a top priority as we learn new ways of coping.

My favorite philosophy of WFS, as Karen mentioned, is that substance abuse is not a moral failure. It is how we coped with life, our feelings.  Now we have and are learning to use positive coping tools to choose a better, healthier, life-changing way to create our New Life.  One thing I never considered initially was to discover what I enjoyed in life, what brought a smile to my face, a giggle that made me feel like a kid again.  I was so serious, which wasn’t a negative thing, yet I didn’t have balance.  I was in a fight for my life and while achieving abstinence was rewarding, I realized I wasn’t having much joy in the celebration of recovery.

So, one day I decided to re-discover what joy meant to me in the present.  It took a while as I started to focus only on what brought me joy in the past until I finally realized that I had this wonderful opportunity to explore new things.  I could build up my “fun, joyful” bank by searching out new ways of bringing that much needed balance into my New Life along with a few fun things from the past such as dancing, decorating my house with snowmen in the winter and bunnies in the spring.  I was still decorating but it almost seemed like a stagnant, joyless chore.   What a beautiful awakening the first Christmas I unwrapped each ornament and knickknack.  The memories started flooding in and my heart was full with an enormous surge of happiness.

When I went to a family wedding, there was a question on the invitation – What song will make you get up and dance?  I said, “Sweet Home Alabama.”  Well, it was played and I danced with pure abandon.  All of this while sober!

As we hopefully move toward being with others on a more consistent basis, it is important to have your well-being, responsible tool box ready and accessible to use.  The transition will be different for each of us depending on our current situation.  Healing and adapting to change is a process and this is the time to practice self-care, reaching out for support as this is a sign of strength, and knowing you have the ability, capability and willing heart to be in charge of your life.

And a problem is telling us there’s something that needs solving.  Accept this part of the statement and move on to finding your personal solution to change from a problem to a resolution that leaves you in charge of your life and well-being.

Are you ready to be in charge?  What and how do you plan to solve the problem that once had you?  It may seem obvious to stop drinking or using drugs but it goes much deeper than that.  WFS was written to create a New Life beyond just not drinking or using drugs.  It is about the inner change that will sustain our recovery.

I took a WFS workshop years ago and I will always remember the facilitator saying, “We will no longer be manipulated by our addiction.  We have free will and are able to make decisions.  We have control over ourselves even if it now seems almost impossible.  You can choose to have control.”  I encourage you to keep this thought close in mind when you feel triggered.  We may have manipulated ourselves and others when we were in active addiction yet we can use that same energy to choose differently, to be in charge.

Be encouraged, be a warrior, be willing!   Dee

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WFS Virtual Conference
June 11-13, 2021
Look out for registration opening this week!

“Define success on your own terms, achieve it by your own rules, and build a life you’re proud to live.” ~~Anne Sweeney

“I am a woman with thoughts and questions and sh*t to say.  I say if I’m beautiful.  I say if I’m strong.  You will not determine my story—I will.”  ~~Amy Schumer

“Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations.  I may not reach them but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow them.”  ~~Louisa May Alcott

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#12 I am a competent woman, and I have much to give life.

This is what I am and I shall know it always.

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According to Merriam-Webster, competence means “the quality or state of having sufficient knowledge, judgment, skill or strength” et al.  It does not, however, mean that one needs to know it all before embracing or acknowledging competence.  Jean understood this and created this empowering Statement for continued growth and development in living our New Lives.

In our WFS Program booklet it states “Begin each day with an unshakable belief in your own competency.  First the thought, then the reality.  Believing you are a competent woman is giving to life.”  After all the uncertainty that active addiction brings, isn’t it comforting to be connected to and engaged in life?

No one is competent in everything, yet everyone can be competent in something.  Some years ago, while taking an art class at the local library, we sat and drew the still-life set up in front of us.  At the end of class, we lined up our artwork for viewing.  While all the drawings contained the same items, the way each person portrayed the scene was remarkable.  Beautiful styles, lines, shading, and curves were displayed; everything was individual and all were delightful.  Sobriety and recovery can be the same.  No two journeys are exactly alike and no two people are competent in the same areas.  The key is finding your inner connection, what makes you, well you.  No one does you like you do.  You are the best version of you there is.  Embrace yourself!

Hugzzz

Karen

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Hi 4C Women,

Our recovery journey and path are as individual as our skills, talents, gifts and our belief in ourselves.  I remember the first time I facilitated a WFS meeting and told the women attending that we introduce ourselves as competent women for our addiction is not our identity but what we use to cope.  It was challenging to most yet I knew from my own experience that saying it eventually became my truth!  In fact, that introduction is so embedded in my mind that I recently introduced myself as a competent woman at a zoom bible class!

For me, the beauty of WFS is that we may have similar goals, even similar circumstances yet how we reach our goal of sobriety/recovery is comprised of our choices, our personal history and in our own timeframe.  Through it all, however, is the inner knowledge that we are competent and having made the choice of the WFS program in our recovery, that competency will continue to grow and evolve.

Back in 1993, I wrote about my WFS journey and it’s amazing to read how little I thought of myself.  I can honestly attribute my growth to WFS, my learning from other women on this incredible recovery journey and knowing – believing – I am a competent woman.  I will always remember when my ex-husband told me that I would never progress or be successful in life because I read the comics first on Sunday mornings rather than the news.  He insinuated that I could not hold an intelligent conversation because I did not know current events and after all, according to him, you can’t talk small talk all your life.  That one comment only reinforced my low self-esteem and past negative messages implying I was stupid.

In retrospect, I didn’t and still don’t make the connection between searching for humor to start my Sundays and being able to hold an intelligent conversation.  Of course, I also know now that he was insecure, having to prove his intelligence through what he knew and small talk was extremely uncomfortable for him.  I think he was a bit jealous because I could engage in small talk, going deeper only when I sensed the person felt comfortable and there was trust in doing so.  So, saying out loud at a meeting that I am a competent woman took time to internalize as my truth.  Today I can authentically and without hesitation say, I am a competent woman who can engage in diverse forms of communication!

I share this because I understand that Statement #12 can be intimidating and uncomfortable at first.  For some, it may even feel like we are bragging – a feeling that many girls and young women were told was not ladylike and could be seen as conceited (at least when I was growing up).  As you practice Statement #12, I hope you will realize that this Statement is empowering, motivating and definitely achievable.

As Karen said, we all have competency in different areas.  Do you know yours?  Perhaps make a list and read it every day with phrases like, I am worthy, I am enough, I am responsible, I am a 4C woman today and then add specifics, i.e., I am good at organizing, listening, technology (that will not be on my list!), being a good friend, detail oriented, cooking, creative – the list is yours to create.

Bonded in knowing you have much to give life, acknowledging your talents, skills, gifts and value with assertiveness – no apologies for the recognition.  You are a competent woman – know it, believe it and live it, Dee

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In Case You Missed It!

Get the latest News and Announcements in the WFS March 2021 Newsletter

“Love recognizes no barriers.  It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.”  ~~Maya Angelou

“In the end nothing we do or say in this lifetime will matter as much as the way we have loved one another.”  ~~Daphne Rose Kingma

“The giving of love is an education in itself.”  ~~Eleanor Roosevelt

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#10 All love given returns.

I am learning to know that I am loved.

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Our founder, Jean Kirkpatrick, PhD., recognized that she needed help to stop drinking. She tried and failed, and tried again, and succeeded when she looked deep within and embraced love. Originally, she set out to help herself reclaim her New Life but then freely gave of herself, gave her love to the world and Women for Sobriety was born.  Over 45 years later, her love is still going strong.  Such a beautiful example of Statement #10 in action.

We are all here today, bonded together because of one woman’s mission to share what she discovered, and her love is at the center of it all.  From our yearly Conference, WFS Online Forum and the untold number of face-to-face meetings held over the years, love binds us together in growth, in joy and in hope.  From these simple beginnings, love continues to ripple outward, touching the lives of women everywhere and beyond.

Tomorrow, March 2, is Jean’s birthday and in honor of this special day, you are encouraged to find a way to share love this week.  Two ways to share your love are by donating to WFS by clicking here or you can volunteer your time or talents by clicking right here.  The world can always use more love.  What ways will you share love this week?

Hugzzz

Karen

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Hi 4C Women,

I have been a part of WFS for 33 years!  It was this empowering program of hope, love, and commitment to creating a New Life in recovery that has given me a purpose in my life and for others searching to create their own New Life.  I have always been a fan of giving back, to shine a light on the path of recovery for those who are unsure, fearful, and yet clinging to hope for a way out and a way into a fulfilling life where they learn to love themselves and know that they are loved.

In 33 years, I have met so many phenomenal women, including Jean Kirkpatrick, who worked diligently in creating change.  There have been hundreds of phone calls, emails, texts, conference workshops and over 1,400 meetings that have been my purpose, my reward in showing love and compassion to those 4C women.   Absolutely none of this would have happened without Jean Kirkpatrick’s learning to love herself at a time when even saying it out loud would have been considered conceited and self-centered, especially for a woman in the 1970s as the women’s movement was just beginning.  She kept going and was determined to share her path, her knowledge of a positive way to recovery that has impacted thousands of lives around the world.

It seems almost impossible to imagine that it was 45 years ago that she was courageous enough to present a program for women only!  After all, there was such a double standard back then yet she didn’t let that stop her.  Celebrating Jean, WFS and all the lives she has touched is such a beautiful way to honor her.

A lot has changed this past year with the pandemic yet WFS has continued to reach out to those women in need of support and encouragement, a way of living with love, compassion and forgiveness.  I have always felt that forgiveness was a large part of learning to love myself and believe that others loved me.  So, as you consider ways of honoring Jean, whether financially or volunteering in some capacity, supporting all the facilitators by attending meetings, I hope that as you make a decision, you will see that exuberant, 5’ woman standing up to doubters, fearless and competent with her purpose intact, giving us the power to love and be loved.

“Self-love grows from actions that support our growth.  It is accepting our weaknesses as well as our strengths.  It is having compassion for ourselves as we continue to grow and find our life’s passions.  Self-love is not a destination or a singular event.  It is a practice that requires time and patience with ourselves.  It can be the foundation on which we build a happy and stable life.”   Tori Skene

A few tips on how to love yourself by Cheryl Rainfield:

Praise yourself as a daily routine.  After reading the 13 Statements in the morning to start your day, add a praise to it.  Let it be your daily mantra.  You can do this at the end of the day as well as you reflect on something you feel you’ve done well or responded in a way that supports your well-being.

Love yourself like a cherished friend, speaking and responding to yourself as you would a friend.  Be kind and compassionate as you speak to yourself.  Try closing your eyes and think of that friend and all the things you love and appreciate about them.  Now turn it around the other way – be your friend, feeling that same deep caring love for yourself.

Practice self-care by doing nurturing and comforting things for yourself.

In doing these practices, create a positive affirmation and write it down.  Display it so when doubt comes in that you are worthy of self-love and being loved by others, you can repeat the affirmation.  It needs to be a strong, loving message even if you aren’t fully believing it.  Your affirmation can be changed to acknowledge your inner beliefs of being lovable and worthy as you grow to know this truth.

Bonded in learning to love ourselves and learning that others love us, Dee

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