Monday Thoughts 10.14.2024

“If life is continually knocking you down, of course you’ll feel angry.  In fact, some anger is probably going to help.  It’s the fuel you need to rise up and change things.”  -Melanie Durette

“Acceptance isn’t passivity or defeat.  When we accept what is, we’re better able to make the best of it and also recognize what we have the power to change—and do it.”  -Lori Deschene
 

“The most important thing is to make decisions.  Whether the decision is right or wrong is secondary.  You will soon receive feedback that will help you progress.”  -Marc Reklau

#4 Problems bother me only to the degree I permit.

I now better understand my problems.

I do not permit problems to overwhelm me.

Karen’s Thoughts

Welcome back Dee!

Sometimes it can take a while before understanding or naming how I feel when first experiencing a problem, especially if it appears suddenly.  Yet today, the biggest difference in sobriety and recovery is that I am able to sit with intense feelings or uncertainty and respond to problems in helpful ways instead of automatic or inflammatory reactions.  Sobriety and Statement #4 in action are an empowering pair changing lives every day.

In early sobriety it was difficult to look at life and identify problems; staying sober was the only thing I could concentrate on and the biggest problem to date.  During this time, I was learning how to manage a life-threatening problem.  My brain was like a sponge, soaking in information about Alcohol use disorder (AUD) from wherever I could find it.  I read books, took notes, wrote down favorite quotes, made decisions, took action (or inaction) all the while connecting with other 4C women.  This was a wildly different way to solve a problem. 

Different does not mean wrong. Years later this strategy works just as well as those early days.  Big or small problem?  Gather information.  Sometimes lots of it.  Take notes and organize them in a way that helps address the issue.  Finding a relevant or catchy quote can help strengthen resolve. Make a choice or decision, try another option if needed.   Of course, connecting with 4C women is the icing on the cake and is sprinkled throughout the entire process.  This week, examine your problem-solving evolution.  Do you have a strategy or method that works better for you than others when faced with a problem?

Hugzzz 

Karen

Dee’s Thoughts

Hi 4C Women,

It’s wonderful to be back sharing my thoughts.  I am so grateful to Karen for her continuing wise words in my absence.  And yes, it’s been a while since I have contributed to Monday Thoughts.  I needed to practice self-care after the passing of my precious daughter last year and the major surgery I had in July.  I am grateful to WFS for that invaluable lesson. 

Another huge lesson I learned through WFS is to focus on a concern that needs to be addressed and not let ordinary, everyday problems distract me from implementing my ability to problem solve when needed and begin to “trust” my instincts in decision-making.  Before WFS, my approach to problems was that everything was a problem.  As long as I believed that, I was always overwhelmed.  I lacked confidence in my decision-making.  I grew up believing I was incompetent and even as an adult when I was told otherwise, I didn’t believe it.  Becoming sober, practicing the WFS 13 Statements and trusting myself changed that.  This past year and a half has helped me process more than I ever thought possible.  Through all of it, I have remained sober thanks to the powerful life-changing impact of the WFS program and the tremendous support I have received.  I have survived what I never thought I could.  My purpose has been supporting and encouraging women through the empowering WFS Statements.  It has kept me grounded even in my deepest grief. 

I love that Karen said different doesn’t mean wrong.  This is why I mentioned trusting our instincts.  We are individuals yet connected in the same desire to have this wonderful New Life. One of my favorite quotes came from a calendar and I used it quite often.  “Life is change, growth is possible, choose wisely.”   Whenever a problem or concern arose, I would think of that quote.  Did I embrace change or continue to live in fear of my possible wrong choice?  And did I make some wrong choices!  Fortunately, I was finally able to see those wrong choices as life lessons.  It made quite a difference in how I identified myself.  No longer was I that person who was incompetent.  I was a woman willing to absorb and learn – a 4C woman.

Consider the choices you have made. 

Is there a life lesson you learned?    

Do you trust your instincts?

Are you able to identify a concern from an everyday, ordinary problem and, as Karen wrote, do you have a method or strategy to handle an issue that needs your attention?

Are you able to ask for input?  Although the final decision is yours, getting input from others who have experienced a similar issue, can be comforting and helpful. 

Bonded in the willingness to learn, to trust our instincts and reach out to our 4C sisters for input and understanding, Dee

Dear Women for Sobriety Community,

As I sit down to write this letter, I am filled with a deep sense of gratitude and responsibility. Each of you is an integral part of our community, and together, we are on a profound journey of recovery and growth. I want to take this opportunity to share our commitment to creating an inclusive and supportive environment for all women who seek solace, strength, and healing within our organization.

At Women for Sobriety, we recognize the immense diversity that exists among us. We come from different backgrounds, experiences, and stages in our recovery journeys. This diversity is not just a defining characteristic; it is a source of strength. It is through embracing our differences that we truly grow within ourselves. As Justin Jones-Fosu wisely said, “Real diversity and inclusion doesn’t mean that we will always agree. It means that even when we disagree, we can still respect each other.” This sentiment encapsulates our hope to foster a community where everyone feels heard, valued, and respected.

We are learning together, and it is essential to acknowledge that this is an ongoing process. We are not perfect, but we are dedicated to doing the best we can. We have been working diligently behind the scenes to address concerns surrounding the diversity of female identities represented in our community. Your emails, feedback, and insights are invaluable to us, and they have led to thoughtful discussions about how we can enhance our commitment to diversity and inclusion.

We understand that these conversations can be challenging, but they are vital. We must practice compassion, care, and understanding for one another, especially for those who may be struggling or feeling marginalized. It is our collective responsibility to ensure that every woman who comes to us seeking recovery knows that she matters, that she is seen, and that she is heard.

I invite each of you to join me on this journey of love and acceptance. Let us create a welcoming community where every voice counts, and every experience is honored. Together, we can cultivate an environment that not only supports our individual recoveries but also enriches our shared experiences and strengthens our bonds.

Thank you for being a part of this community. Your contributions, whether big or small, make a difference. As we continue to learn and grow together, let us remember that every step we take toward inclusivity is a step toward a brighter future for all who seek recovery.

With heartfelt appreciation and commitment,

Michelle Shaivitz, Ed.D.
Executive Director 
Women for Sobriety