Monday Thoughts 4.1.24

“Stay away from negative people. They have a problem for every solution.”

Unknown (though attributed to Einstein)

“It’s only a thought and a thought can be changed.”

Louise Hay

“Be careful not to let a negative social media life attract you to a thinking.”
Germany Kent

#2 Negative thoughts destroy only myself.

My first conscious sober act is to reduce negativity in my life.

Me? Negative? Nope. It was everyone else who was negative or so I thought. Sobriety and the WFS Statements, especially Statement #2, helped me to understand and acknowledge the impacts of endless negative thinking. Once aware, it became a daily exercise to reduce negativity in my life.

An idea that helped in understanding negativity was an old proverb that went something like this: If you spend all your time in a salon, eventually you’ll get a manicure, pedicure or blowout. This helped me grasp the concept of surrounding myself with people who normalized drinking or using would negatively affect my New Life and newly found sobriety. This was difficult to believe initially yet accepted and trusted it, gratefully.

Learning to recognize negative thoughts took time. Separating them into categories helped to simplify things. Here are 4 ways to identify and adapt negative thoughts:

1.    All or nothing: Thinking everything is black and white without shades of gray. Only right or wrong. Acknowledge and look for the gray areas in all-or-nothing thinking. It may take time or discussion to see it, but gray areas can be found. 

2.    Magnifying or minimizing: Thinking that makes things larger than life, or the opposite, minimizing into something smaller or insignificant. Look for balance instead of extremes in thoughts.

3.    Shoulding/Coulding: Thinking of all the shoulds/coulds is a judgment that inflicts blame. Find something to learn from in the situation and adapt instead of judging yourself or others.

4.    Disregarding positives: Getting a compliment or achieving a goal but then reducing or rejecting it. Invalidating our worth with sharp little digs pushes us lower and lower. A warm “thank you!” with a smile can be a gift to the compliment giver as well as ourselves. Feeling satisfied or content with an achievement is the finish line with a wonderful outcome. Acknowledge, embrace and savor before moving on.

Hugzzz

Karen

Dear 4C Women,

The journey to recovery has the same goal yet our paths are so individual and for me, that is the strength of the WFS program. It provides insightful guidance as we accept the responsibility for change, working through the problem that once had us. For me, it was all about feelings that triggered me, that made me feel worthless. As I began my sober journey, I began to realize even more how I accepted hurtful words and treatment because that is what I felt I deserved. One word, one condescending look was all it took for me to stop the pain of rejection and not being good enough by numbing it with alcohol. I continue to learn, to change and when I start to have doubts, I just remind myself that I am struggling at this moment, not forever. I have a choice on how I will respond and react to that moment. I reflect on all the struggles, the changes, the ups and downs and give myself credit for not giving up even when I might have felt like I wanted to. I guess I was expecting it to be easier but actually, my feelings erupted like an explosion. I wasn’t quite prepared for that yet it was those feelings I kept pushing down that needed attention and healing. WFS gave me the space to express, explore, and find a way to cope and heal. When I found WFS, there was no internet so outreach and support were definitely limited. Today, there is so much support whether it is face-to-face meetings, zoom meetings, and WFS Online. It is a supportive community and knowing you do not have to ever be alone is a gift we all benefit from. 

I often think how different my life would be without the coping tools and the WFS statements that changed my life which in turn saved my life. If I met the woman I was, I would tell her how grateful I am that she persevered, that she became a 4C woman, and most of all, that she learned to love and respect herself. She faced tough challenges yet she was better equipped to handle them thanks to WFS. 

As you practice this Statement, consider these questions:

What do you need to discard in order to be in charge of your New Life – a toxic relationship, fears that are blocking you from moving forward, ignoring your needs after you uncover and discover what they are?

Are you aware of your triggers?

What coping skills have you developed to support you in making healthier choices when you are triggered?

Does the negative reaction of others who question the changes you are making in your life create doubt in yourself? How do you counter that to keep on track?  

Who is part of your support system?

Do you know in your heart that you are worth becoming a 4C woman and deserve to celebrate every success along the way?

Bonded in accepting the responsibility of being in charge of your life and well-being because you are worthy and deserving, Dee