Month: October 2022

“The world needs dreamers and the world needs doers. But above all, the world needs dreamers who do.”

Sarah Ban Breathnach

“Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic within it.”
Goethe

“Be brave and create the life of your dreams. Dare to strive for the spectacular.”

Amy Leigh Mercree

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Hi 4C Women,

As I read Karen’s thoughts, I wondered how my dreams have changed over the years. I am not sure that I dreamt a lot while drinking for fear of being disappointed. What if I put all that effort into creating a dream I visualized and I failed? Actually, failing felt familiar. I anticipated it. Over time, through the WFS Program, I realized that I learned many life lessons and coping tools in unmet dreams. I began to appreciate the ordinary – being clear-minded to recognize how peaceful life could be without the drama or fear of failing. I realized I was resilient in dealing with unmet dreams. After all, I could dream another dream and that became greatness. I sometimes would change the word dream to goal, desire, vision, or yearning. It’s amazing how they all have a similar meaning yet feel somewhat different.

What I love about the WFS program is that it is a process that gives me the opportunity to learn, and appreciate the joy I had ignored for so long. That awareness took away a lot of my fears, and disappointments, and guided me to be willing to embrace change, to learn, and to be realistic about what I needed and how to survive the outcome, even successful outcomes. Now that may seem odd but when you’re used to failing or being disappointed, it might be uncomfortable or awkward to accept and enjoy a successful outcome. So, now I survive and thrive each outcome. What a huge difference Statement #6 made in my recovery. The awareness, and acceptance that great things, big and small, do and will happen, is a life changer. While life will always present struggles, it also gives joy. I have been blessed to acknowledge the struggles and the joys. It’s made my life more balanced and prepared me to cope without using alcohol to numb, escape or pretend everything is okay. This is the progress of the process I wish for each of you.

How would you describe greatness in your life?

What is your current dream, goal, vision, desire, or yearning?

Do you have a plan/plans to work towards it?

What coping tools do you use when disappointment is the outcome?

Do you feel a balance, understanding that there will always be struggles along with joy?

Are you aware of your joy? How do you celebrate joy?

What is the greatest life lesson you have learned so far?

 

Bonded in awareness of joy, and learning coping tools as you grow and change, Dee

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“If you take care of your mind, you take care of the world.”
Arianna Huffington

“Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all of your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.”
Golda Meir

 “Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.”
Anne Lamott

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Hi 4C Women,

I love how Karen gained awareness in understanding that she was the gatekeeper of her thoughts.  Being the gatekeeper is a powerful position and Statement #5 directs us to use that power wisely for our own well-being and personal growth in recovery.  I hid my power because I was afraid of being rejected and ridiculed as was my experience. That history I carried within my thoughts was stronger than my ability to see I was truly in charge of changing history going forward. Becoming sober gave me clarity and when I initially began saying positive words to describe myself, it was a huge challenge.

I remember the first time I asked the group I was facilitating to describe themselves using 50 words. There was laughter and horror being expressed. As I looked around the room, I saw women staring at the blank piece of paper with an incredulous look that I would expect them to have 50 words when they could barely provide 2 or 3. The laughter was the unease of writing any positive words about themselves as that would be considered conceited, something they grew up hearing. When I said they could use authentic words as to how they saw themselves on that day, they seemed relieved. It is amazing how many of us have been taught that saying and believing positive descriptive words was not ladylike! I asked them to date their responses and the next time we did this exercise; they could visually see their personal growth in how they viewed themselves. Today, when I start doubting my belief in myself, I tend to go back to Statement #9 and remind myself I am not the same person, I am a new woman. I have worked hard for positive change and built my self-esteem, self-love, and self-worthiness with all the tools the WFS program has provided. It is a continuing process and knowing that, gives me peace.

I now realize that asking anyone to provide 50 words to describe themselves is daunting. In reflection, I keep asking myself, “What was I thinking?”  So below are questions I feel are more doable.  And remember that this is a process of personal growth and being authentic is a wonderful way to see how we have grown and where we need to focus to keep the process going in a positive direction.

Questions:
This makes me unique:
I feel strong/empowered when:
I accept myself for:
A quality I am proud of:
Today I am grateful for:
I did my best to overcome:
The most significant positive change I have made:
Date: _________________

Bonded in awareness of becoming your empowered 4C self, Dee

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“Being challenged in life is inevitable, being defeated is optional.”

Roger Crawford

“Learn from the stories of people who faced challenges you haven’t yet experienced.”

Joanna Barsh

“Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end. It’s not a day when you lounge around doing nothing; it’s a day you’ve had everything to do and you’ve done it.”

Margaret Thatcher

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Hi 4C Women,

Creating a plan for times when we are triggered, indecisive, fearful, or disappointed is key to being in charge of our responses/reactions. As I mentioned last Monday, I was so disappointed that my plans to travel home had to be canceled, yet WFS taught me to work through those feelings and have a follow-up plan. That’s exactly what I did.  I was able to put Plan B into the hopeful possibility of traveling in the Spring. If I didn’t, the cancellation would continue to be a problem that kept me in those negative feelings when there is a solution. I am a big proponent of acknowledging all my feelings. However, if they are hurting my well-being, I let them visit but not unpack their bags for a long stay.

I found that in the past I worried about everything, those everyday things so when a real issue appeared that needed a plan, input from those I trusted, and various solutions, I remained stuck. I didn’t trust my instincts and was so afraid of failure that I pretended the issue didn’t exist and went back to the comfort of worrying about everything and accomplishing nothing! It’s wonderful now to have the energy and coping tools to work on the concerns that need my attention. If I make a wrong decision, I have learned to look at it as a life lesson that I can add to my coping toolbox.

Just as I felt fear, I learned to feel confident. I also changed my thought process from what is the worst that could happen to what is the best that could happen. Just changing that one word changed my attitude which changed the way I approached an issue.

Below is a combination of questions I found on Statement #4 regarding concerns/issues that need attention. I found that in looking back at my previous answers to these questions, I have added new coping tools and lessons and areas that still need change. I like to date these types of questions so when I do them again, I can see what growth I have made and where I need to perhaps focus my attention in the present.

1.    What are the consequences of NOT changing this situation or behavior? Sometimes issues get resolved on their own yet if it is affecting our well-being in recovery, knowing the consequences will be a guide in deciding what to do or not do.

2.    How have things resolved themselves in the past? I always looked to my failures as proof that I wasn’t capable of making positive decisions. Now I include my successes as well, otherwise, it would be disrespectful to any growth I have worked hard to attain.

3.    What do I feel I have at stake in this situation? Is it the loss of a relationship, the embarrassment of speaking your voice (I related a lot to this question in the past), or the fear there will be no resolution? The answers will hopefully give you insight as to what matters most, and what you are willing to risk for your well-being, and your recovery.

4.    What’s within my control?

5.    What benefit am I getting out of keeping things the same way? (My previous answer was an eye-opener as I never thought of any benefit I was getting).

6.    Who else can help? Who is part of your support system?

7.    What’s the worse best that could happen?

8.    Do I care more than the other person in this situation? If I do, why?

9.    Do I need to review my boundaries or create boundaries that I can adhere to?  This is the follow-up to question 8 to protect your recovery and well-being.

Bonded in not letting everyday problems overwhelm you and learning to work through issues that need your attention, Dee

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https://www.quitandrecovery.org/long-term-study

“Courage is like a muscle. We strengthen it by use.”
Ruth Gordo

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
Eleanor Roosevelt

“It took me quite a long time to develop a voice, and now that I have it, I am not going to be silent.

Madeleine Albright

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Hi 4C Women,

I love the feeling wheel and have used it in identifying many of my feelings at a deeper level. When I reflect on fear, anger, and sadness (what I call surface feelings), I see how those deeper feelings expressed on the wheel block my path to personal happiness. Those predominant negative feelings were like a brick wall. I thought I could never be authentically happy if I was sober. Would I even recognize happiness if I felt it? The answer is a resounding yes! The word that helped me on the Happy feeling part of the wheel was “trust.” I began to trust the process and eventually I was laughing out loud, feeling playful and optimistic. It was as though this Statement #3 was meant to follow Statement #2 in recognizing that negative thoughts were destroying my willingness to learn how to create my personal happiness.

Every time I read Statement #3, I think of Jean sharing that happiness comes in moments. We need to be aware of those moments. This for me was part of the process – creating awareness. I was so absorbed in questioning if I had experienced a happy moment that the moment was gone. Now I stop, take in a wonderful feeling and before I know it, I have a big smile across my face.  Jean never meant for us to be happy every moment of every day. That would be impossible and a burden. What I have is a foundation of contentment, hope, and gratitude for what I have learned through the WFS Program Statements.

I was planning a trip up north to see my family and friends as it’s been over 3 years. Unfortunately, I developed severe pain in my back and both legs. The pain has become a lot less in my legs but not much change in my back. I scheduled an appointment for an epidural injection but they can’t see me until Nov. 18. Since it’s a 15-hour drive up north, I had to cancel. To say the least, I was so sad and disappointed. Because of WFS, I realized I needed to make plan B. My hope is to visit in the Spring of 2023 as I don’t want to drive in the winter. Before sobriety, I would not have had that response. I would have soothed my disappointed feelings with alcohol which I know would have only made me sadder and feeling hopeless. I am so grateful to WFS for giving me coping tools, and friends I can share my feelings and receive support and understanding.

I encourage you to take a look at the feeling wheel and uncover what is holding you back, what is moving you forward, and where you are in the process of developing happiness.

Bonded in creating awareness and learning the process to achieve your personal happiness, Dee

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Coming your way soon!  The new WFS Online is being prepared for you and will soon be available.  We can’t wait to give you great new features such as fast navigation to your own personal content!

“Saying no to others is saying yes to yourself.”

Jack Canfield

“No is necessary magic. No draws a circle around you with chalk and says, ‘I have given enough.”

McKayla Robbin

“No is a complete sentence. It does not require an explanation to follow. You can truly answer someone’s request with a simple No.”

Sharon Rainey

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Hi 4C Women,

Boundaries – a skill to promote our self-care in a powerful way. I appreciate the descriptions of specific boundaries that Karen shared. It helps to define the goals for a particular situation and guidelines on how setting boundaries impacts relationships once the boundaries are clearly defined.

It was quite difficult to start setting boundaries as I was such a people pleaser. I love how Karen ended her message with what a boundary is and is not! I am going to keep that in mind when I question why boundaries are so challenging to set and keep, to remember that boundaries are a line I draw for myself. It seems the most difficult is with family because there is emotional history and sometimes complicated, conflicting feelings.

I have learned so many life-changing lessons through WFS. I have learned that sometimes boundaries need to be re-established, and reset. I know this when I feel my boundaries have been invalidated by another person’s words or actions. I used alcohol to escape my feelings of inadequacy and believed I was not entitled to set boundaries. I just wanted to keep the peace and that only led to more self-destructive behavior. I forgot what my needs were in this downward spiral and truly lost my voice. WFS provided a way for me to take back my power in small increments until one day I realized that I had not only uncovered my needs, I was able to express them. That was my first adventure into risk-taking and it felt so empowering. I also learned that if I permitted negative thoughts to be the predominant message I spoke to myself, speaking my authentic needs became intimidating and kept me stuck.

WFS helped me discover that I was worthy of meeting my needs and Statement #2 reinforced that negative thoughts about who I am truly hurt me more than anyone. I began to recognize that I had it within me to meet my own needs. It doesn’t mean that I stop expressing my needs. For me, it means that I can move on, and love myself enough to meet my needs as best I can. I am all about healing relationships whenever possible unless the relationship has become so toxic, it is harmful to my well-being. I also realize how important it is to set boundaries that promote healing. So, again, I go back to the most difficult boundary setting for me – family. These are the boundaries I keep revisiting, work on keeping the communication open, and listening to understand how my boundary is being perceived. Nothing changes without being able to communicate our feelings, our needs, and our path to achieve positive change in developing healthy relationships. I feel expressing my needs is how I show self-respect and honor myself.

What is the most challenging boundary you have set?

What was the outcome? How did it change your relationship with that person?

How would you describe a “healthy” relationship when it comes to your boundaries?

Have you been able to identify toxic people causing harm to your well-being? Have you been able to let go of those relationships? If not, why? This is a deeper question for greater introspection.

Are you open to listening to another’s perception of the boundary you set?

Are you willing to revisit or reset a boundary? This question is important, especially if you learn that the boundary you originally set is not clearly understood by the recipient of the boundary.

What have you learned about yourself in setting boundaries?

Bonded in setting boundaries that reduce negativity in our lives, put our well-being first, and create healthier relationships, Dee

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Aloha Rock Stars!

We would like to invite you to the third event sponsored by The Creative Crew!

A glorious, autumn showcase of handmade items by our sisters are for sale. There will be knitted items, pine needle baskets, quilted items, a glass piece, greeting cards galore, and other delights.  Buy something for a gift and at the same time support Women For Sobriety, Inc. (WFS)!

Some items will be auctioned and others are offered at “Buy It Now” for a set price. All funds (100%) support WFS.

What you need to do: 
·Register or Sign In to the Holiday Sale Catalog at The Creative Crew Holiday Sale.
TIP:  If you registered for prior events like The Creative Crew Blooming Sale, your login is still active. If you do not remember your password, you can request an email to reset the password.
·You may now preview items online as they are added to the catalog!

The Creative Crew Holiday Sale opens at 11am Eastern US, on Friday, November 4 … and closes with the auction ending at 10 pm Eastern US, on Saturday, November 5.

The Creative Crew
Enthusiastic Creators
Women For Sobriety, Inc.