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Monday Thoughts 9/2/2019

Monday Thoughts

“True love has a habit of coming back.” ~~Unknown

“Life is an echo. What you send out, comes back. What you sow, you reap. What you give, you get. What you see in others, exists in you. Remember, life is an echo. It always gets back to you. So, give goodness.” ~~Zig Ziglar

“Love is the greatest refreshment in life.” ~~Pablo Picasso


Statement #10
All love given returns.
I am learning to know that I am loved.


The tiny acorns have begun to fall in the yard and on our home over last couple of weeks. Picking one up, I was struck at the depth and immenseness of this small seed. Planting this one acorn, it could grow into a majestic oak tree, bearing untold numbers of little acorns who again in turn, would bear more acorns. This reminded me of Statement #10; when I plant love, it blossoms again and again.

Addiction has a way of disconnecting our ability to love and be loved. Perceptions are clouded and confusing. Under the influence, what feels like love can often be disguised as enabling behaviors, and an act of actual love can often be perceived as hurtful. One example comes to mind; when my husband simply wanted to see fall colors on a drive, I went into an intense panic thinking I was secretly being taken to a rehab unit. This shows how distorted my thoughts had become.

Sobriety and Statement #10 in action gives power for love to grow and flourish. One act of love has the potential to grow into untold ripples of love. With continued practice, Statement #10 enables us to learn to know we are loved and challenge any thought that says otherwise.

What act of love will you plant today?

Hugzzz
Karen


Hi 4C Women,

It’s Labor Day and I’m thinking about self-care being a labor of love. While some of you might have the day off from work or not, learning to love others and knowing that we are loved is a job I highly recommend. For me, it took a lot of work to believe I was lovable. For many, our idea of love started with our families and then extended to the adults throughout our youth. Add to that, friendships that inspired us or hurt us if we felt left out, unaccepted. For some, these were painful times. Not everyone has the same experiences growing up yet there is a commonality that we chose alcohol or drugs to cope with life as an adult. That adds up to a lot of healing work.

As a young adult, I narrowly defined love as only romantic love. That left the door wide open to rejection which I had no coping skills to deal with it. I became full of self-loathing, feeling worthless and devastated. It took me a long time to realize that love is experienced in many ways and each is as valuable as any other.  WFS has taught me to take the risk of loving others, embracing love in all its many ways, letting go of the fear of rejection and accepting that I am loved. I believe that turn around happened when I finally learned to love myself and not depend on others to continually build my self-esteem. I felt a huge burden lifted from my shoulders when I finally understood that. I was in charge of loving myself enough to set boundaries, build healthy relationships and love me! This is another one of those times that I connect Statement #3, Happiness is created, not waited for and this Statement #10.  I’ve also heard and believe that hurt caused by others tends to be more about them and how they see the world. We unfortunately are the recipients of their unhealed and unresolved pain. That is another lesson I learned. We all bring our history into relationships and fortunately for us, we have the WFS program to teach us how to heal and bring a healthy person to the table.

Bonded in understanding all the ways to give and receive love and learning to believe we are loved,
your 4C sister

Posted on

Monday Thoughts 3/4/2019

Monday Thoughts

“Our rewards in life will always be in the exact proportion to the amount of consideration we show toward others.” ~~Earl Nightingale

“To feel the love of people whom we love is a fire that feeds our life.” ~~Pablo Neruda

“A great relationship doesn’t happen because of the love you had in the beginning, but how well you continue building love until the end.” ~~unknown


Statement #10
All love given returns.
I am learning to know that I am loved. 


Recently, a 4C woman shared how she alternates using the word “love” with “trust” when using Statement #10. This helps her move through the sometimes-difficult association that she has had with the word love. She explained that for her, love held negative connotations, especially emotional chaos, and the word trust helps her see and feel more clearly.

For some women, the second of the “Love Statements” can initially feel confusing and complex. In our WFS Program Booklet, Nancy Cross states, “All recovery roads lead to the ability to love and be loved.” Sobriety and recovery open a nourishing pathway for love to expand and foster meaningful relationships.

Statement #10 is not solely related to romantic relationships but can encompass any relationship as our Program Booklet notes. Many of us have more relationships than we imagine. At the core is a relationship with the self. Learning to know that love or even trust, is ours for the taking and can lay a mighty foundation for this empowering Statement.

Hugzzz
Karen


Hi 4C Women,

I have always felt that rebuilding trust with others and re-learning to trust our instincts were two important factors in creating healthy relationships in our sobriety/recovery. Being trustworthy is gained by our actions and our patience with ourselves as well as with others. For me, this is where I began to experience the love I yearned for. It went beyond my words, my desire to be loved – it was the action behind my words. No more broken promises that left me feeling alone and lost again. Most of the promises were those I made to myself, bargaining that if I did this, I wouldn’t do that anymore. It took quite a while to finally decide that I needed to keep those promises if I was to survive and then thrive.

As for all love given, I thought I was giving love unconditionally. What I learned is that my love was given in order to fill the huge gap of feeling needed, important, accepted and cherished. Through WFS and therapy, I realized that I had to give that to myself first. I had to fill that deep hole of emptiness. The difference is astounding. I give and feel authentic love. I truly believe that I am loved. It seems amazing at times to recognize and acknowledge it. And it doesn’t feel conceited as I was taught as a young person. It feels extraordinary and I am deeply grateful!

Dr. Phil wrote a book several years ago called Self Matters. One of the questions always stuck with me and it was—If I could learn anything, I would choose to learn…and today the answer would be Statement #10–All love given returns and I am learning to know that I am loved. How would you answer this question?

Bonded in knowing we are loved,
4C WFS Member