Monday Thoughts 10.2.23

“If you look the right way, you can see that the whole world is a garden.”

Frances Hodgson Burnett

“You know what’s just as powerful as a good cup of coffee in the morning? Starting your day with some good, loving thoughts. It can change how your whole day unfolds.”

Karen Salmansohn

“The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.”

Chinese Proverb

#2 Negative thoughts destroy only myself.

My first conscious sober act is to reduce negativity in my life.

What if sobriety and recovery were like a garden? You begin to plant new varieties of experiences and joy, you can pull those invasive weeds, tend to the soil, and water the blossoms in your New Life. This was an analogy our own Nancy Cross shared, especially pulling those weeds of negativity as it relates to Statement #2. Relatedly, there is a quote from a long-time favorite movie…” Life’s a garden, dig it.”

Early sobriety was a time when negativity kept appearing and it took concentrated work to address those negative thoughts. It was a time of learning and adjustment and some days were easier than others. Placing my trust in the Statements, the focus became how to incorporate and utilize what I was learning in real life. This meant getting in there and pulling those weeds to prevent relapse. After all, I felt connected to this new garden and needed it to flourish.

A favorite tool to use in this beautiful garden is reframing. It never wears out and can be used again and again as needed. Here are a few examples:

 I’m such a failure.                   I am learning new things every day.

This is impossible.                  I am giving this my best, and I am willing to learn.

I can’t do this.                      I can do things that are difficult or hard.

Why is this happening?             What is this teaching me?

Embrace the beauty in your garden and keep after those pesky weeds!

Hugzzz

Karen

Dear 4C Women,

We had a great discussion on Statement #1 last week from Monday Thoughts and it seems to fit right in with Statement #2. One woman added another trigger and it was “I felt alone.” Such a different feeling than being lonely. I related to that feeling in the past, feeling no one wants to be with me or cares about me, I’m unworthy.  

I carry my STOP card with me in my purse so that when negative thoughts start coming into my mind, I get out my STOP card and read all the positive moments, characteristics, accomplishments, what I have survived, and whatever thoughts I believe will stop the negative thoughts leading to an unhealthy choice. Another woman said that her trigger was celebrations and fun moments. I get that as well. While for others, it’s seen as a positive situation. I know for me in the past, it was a positive thought that turned into a negative consequence because I really wanted to feel that I fit in. I thought about how could such a positive event be a negative and it’s all about the outcome.

This is why Jean wrote the Statement as she did – Negative thoughts destroy only myself. Even now as I am in the “what if” stage of grieving, I know if I stay there too long, it will hurt me. I share this in the hopes that understanding why we say, we destroy only ourselves is true. Negative thoughts are a natural response when we are triggered by the feelings discussed last week yet the action part of this Statement guides us to a reasonable, doable solution – to REDUCE negativity. It might even mean retreating from people, places, and things that trigger our negative thoughts. I believe in taking breaks when I feel my thoughts going in a harmful direction.  

I have subscribed to verywellmind online and this week’s email was all about Negative Thoughts. I am overjoyed to say that our WFS program established in 1975 was way ahead of its time. Much of what was written in the article is part of WFS teachings. They even had a paragraph on my non-favorite word, “should.” It reiterated that “should or must do” can make you feel worried, anxious, guilty, strong feeling of failure and that it’s best to focus on practicing self-compassion. They included a list of 25 affirmations and it read like a WFS positive thoughts list. I sent them our 13 Statements of Acceptance for a New Life! 

I hope you will create your own STOP card because it will give you an opportunity to validate all that you are. It is amazing when you sit down and write out your positives just how much you have accomplished and survived. Also, it is not the time to compare yourself with others. Jean was adamant about that. For those who already have made their STOP card, remember to update it. WFS is all about positive change and that STOP card is a reminder of all the changes you have made and continue to make. 

Bonded in creating a positive definition of who you are and learning to “reduce” negative thoughts that only hurt yourself, Dee

To raise money and share your creations with the community, send an email to [email protected] with:

• Photos (2-3) from different angles to give the potential buyer a good look at it. Please take the photo in a plain area, free of other decorations.
• Measure your item. Height, width, and depth.
• Describe your item, including the skills used and materials.
• Make your best guess at the retail value. What would it sell for in a boutique?
• Are you donating the shipping or do you want WFS to send you a shipping label? Remember this sale is international and WFS will cover international shipping.

Please keep the item at your home and gather the packing materials you will need. When the sale is over and the buyer has paid, we will contact you with shipping information.