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Monday Thoughts 4/19/2021
“Change your perception of things and you will change your reality.” ~~Anonymous
“We can’t choose the filters that others choose when they look at us.” ~~Anonymous
“What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be.” ~~Anonymous
#4 Problems bother me only to the degree I permit.
I now better understand my problems.
I do not permit problems to overwhelm me.
Perception can be such an illusion; some problems can appear one way, yet can be seen completely different in another. Sobriety and recovery can have that same perception or filter on it. Before New Life, sobriety was something dreadful and felt impossible, but on the other side, recovery can feel as natural as breathing. Problems can be affected by perception as well, and Statement #4 in action helps to identify, experience and move through problems we face.
In the past, alcohol or drugs were band-aids used to cover pain, whether physical, emotional, or spiritual. Today, using empowering techniques, problems gain understanding and can be moved through with new found clarity and purpose. Changing perspective is one technique that can have shift outcomes or conclusions. Here are some ways to help modify perspective by Lyssa deHart, author and Executive and Whole Life Coach:
1. Other people’s opinion of you is none of your business:
Once you let go of other people’s opinions, you can focus on your own opinions. This helps you to align you with your values.
2. Look at the impact:
How many times have you worried about something and it never happened? Like a line from a Tom Petty song “I’m so tired of being tired. As sure as night will follow day, most things I worry about never happen anyway.”
3. Seek a win/win solution:
It takes a willingness to suspend our own perspective long enough to listen to what someone else is saying. As we listen, if we can open our minds and listen to understand, we build trust. Once we have a deeper understanding of what is motivating the other person’s position, we can look at our own deeper motivations.
4. Narrow your focus to what matters most:
Let’s say life gives you an energy pie every day. Here’s the deal though, you only ever get one pie a day. How will you slice your pie? When our attention is focused everywhere, we can get stuck in overwhelm. Your ability to choose the best course of action can get mired in all the information that you need to make a decision. By narrowing your focus to the top 2 or 3 things that are important, you give yourself space to breathe and decide.
Where can you shift a perspective in your life?
Hugzzz
Karen
Hi 4C Women,
A few years ago, Karen shared that sometimes she uses the word “change” in place of the word “problems.” That has stayed with me. WFS is all about change – the change in thoughts that lead to a change in our actions/behaviors. At one time, problems bothered me to the point that it became a habit. I’ve heard that in order to give up a habit, it needs to be replaced with another one – a healthier one, of course! Slowly, by changing my immediate response to anything that felt like a huge problem (which was just about everything), I began to recognize the difference between a problem and a concern.
Just exchanging that one word helped me to identify an issue that needed resolving and a non-issue (ordinary, everyday problems) that I could release from my immediate negative response and mindset. That sure left a lot of time and energy into learning problem-solving techniques to issues that were of utmost importance to me. There was a time when I feared sharing my concerns with others. Would they be judgmental, think my solution was ridiculous? That fear was one I held close to my heart – the fear of rejection. Slowly, as point 1 suggests, I had to value myself enough, my willingness to take risks in decision-making and while asking for input, understand that the decision is just that – MY decision, my consequences, my learning process.
What I appreciate about WFS is that part of the guidelines is to listen, give input if you have had a similar experience that has been resolved successfully in your life and to leave judgment and advice out of it. That was part of my healing in facing the fear of rejection. I felt safe to share, to know I was being heard and that caring, compassionate input was waiting for me.
One last thing I learned about myself. I can handle those ordinary everyday problems yet if there are 3-4 in one brief period of time, I feel anxious and worried. How can I do this all on my own? Sometimes I can’t. I learned to ask for help. I learned that it’s okay to feel this way and not to start feeling badly about those feelings as they are temporary. Just acknowledging that helps so much.
I shared this once before and I’d like to do so again as it helps me make that distinction between worry and concern:
- Worry distracts us; Concern focuses us.
- Worry disables planning; Concern helps us plan
- Worry blurs our vision; Concern clarifies our purpose
- Worry tends to give up; Concern perseveres
- Worry exaggerates; Concern pinpoints problems
Bonded in learning that decision-making is working through concerns and problems bother us only to the degree we permit, Dee
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(506) 897-3572 (Canada)
Or talk to Suz in the office at (215) 536-8026
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