We would like to invite you to the third event sponsored by The Creative Crew!
A glorious, autumn showcase of handmade items by our sisters are for sale. There will be knitted items, pine needle baskets, quilted items, a glass piece, greeting cards galore, and other delights. Buy something for a gift and at the same time support Women For Sobriety, Inc. (WFS)! Some items will be auctioned and others are offered at “Buy It Now” for a set price. All funds (100%) support WFS.
What you need to do: · Register or Sign In to the Holiday Sale Catalog at The Creative Crew Holiday Sale.
TIP: If you registered for prior events like The Creative Crew Blooming Sale, your login is still active. If you do not remember your password, you can request an email to reset the password.
· You may now preview items online as they are added to the catalog!
The Creative Crew Holiday Sale opens at 11am Eastern US, on Friday, November 4 … and closes with the auction ending at 10pm Eastern US, on Saturday, November 5.
“How many times did I ask myself what I found so thrilling about drinking when it only brought unhappiness, loneliness, sickness, depression? I wasn’t ‘living,’ I was only breathing to feed an addiction.”
Jean Kirkpatrick, PhD., Turnabout
“To change requires a decision, a conscious decision to end all the misery you endure and that which you create for others. It is the beginning of accepting responsibility for yourself and your actions. Just thinking about it won’t work.”
Jean Kirkpatrick, PhD., Turnabout
“Exercise your mind and direct your thoughts. The effects will demonstrate to you that your thoughts are responsible for what happens to you.”
Jean Kirkpatrick, PhD., Turnabout
#1 I have a life-threatening problem that once had me.
I now take charge of my life and my well-being.
I accept the responsibility.
Just like a garden, Statement #1 is the soft, fertile soil upon which to plant New Life. Yet nothing can grow or bloom from a center of intense drama, emotional turmoil, or regrets…which is the same as addiction. Our founder, Jean Kirkpatrick, Ph.D. cleared the land, prepared the soil, and planted the WFS 13 Statements. Today, each of us can revel in this beautiful garden of life much like the Greek proverb reminds us, “A society grows great when old (wo)men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in.”
If you are new to Women for Sobriety, welcome! We are so happy you are here. Jump right into Statement #1 and plant your recovery. Embrace the Statements and connect with other women on the WFS Online Forum, during video/chat meetings, or in a face-to-face group, and know that you are never alone. Live, grow and seed your garden. Choose from a sturdy variety of trust, acceptance, and balance. Be sure to include lots of love. Pull and discard those pesky weeds each week and watch your garden blossom.
Maybe you aren’t new to recovery but are noticing feelings of disconnection or just ‘blah’ in your garden. It’s been a tough couple of years, and it’s common to hear that women are feeling unmotivated or isolated lately. This week, examine your garden so far. Do some self-comparisons, remember to measure yourself using your own yardstick, not someone else’s. How is your life different in sobriety and recovery? What was the most surprising thing that you have learned about yourself? Do you need to encourage growth in different areas of your garden? Are you seeing any pests? How will you care for your garden this week, this month, and next year? What was the one thing that you learned that made a difference in your garden?
Hugzzz
Karen
Hi 4C Women,
I love that Karen shared Jean’s quotes in her message. It is a wonderful reminder of how courageous and insightful Jean was at a time when there was such a double standard for women. Rather than remain stuck, she took her life lessons and created a New Life for all of us. She is the master gardener! I am grateful that I am able to keep a close eye on my garden and it is all due to Jean’s vision of encouragement, empowerment, and accepting responsibility for how our garden grows.
This Statement completely changed my attitude and how I viewed myself and my substance abuse. I was more addicted to wanting people to like me than I was to learning to like and eventually love myself. The word “problem” was so profound to me as a problem meant there could be a solution. This is where I learned and understood that coping, problem-solving, and decision-making skills were of utmost importance. This is the answer to the question Karen asked about the one thing I learned that made a difference in my garden. If I wanted a beautiful garden, a New Life, it was my responsibility to learn the tools to do that. The most challenging part was identifying my triggers and having a plan to cope with those feelings. I soon discovered that some of my triggers were attached to not just the person or event that was occurring at that moment but almost like a compilation of anyone who hurt me. This was an eye-opener and helped me to respond when I was ready and not automatically react or completely shut down. I learned to reflect rather than react. I found that when I was in a calmer state of mind, I could think more clearly and have a conversation where I was heard and neither party would become just defensive. If I felt condescended to, I learned a one-word response – Ouch! It’s a universal understanding that what was said or done truly hurt. Without getting into a defensive mode, I made myself understood with just that one word.
Another coping tool was using positive words to define me. Those words led to self-worth, self-love, and self-respect. I have written lists over the years about my positive qualities and when I feel myself going back into negative thinking, wanting to escape, I get those lists out and realize a person who speaks a mean-spirited word or a triggering event has lost its power over me. I am in charge of my well-being and that means being gentle with myself. I encourage you to make a list of your positive qualities and keep it close.
I have shared this many times to write why you want to be sober. We all know why we don’t want to drink or use but knowing why we want a New Life is crucial to practicing Statement #1. Think about what you are doing that supports your well-being, helping you to be in charge of your life. What are new coping skills you have learned?
Remember in anything you do, ask yourself if it is good for your sobriety/recovery. And above all, know that while you are responsible for your life, you are not alone. Reach out for support and give support back when you are able.
Bonded in creating a New Life with coping, problem-solving skills that empower us in self-love, self-respect, and self-worth, Dee
WFS is proud to announce the start of the LGBTQ+ Affinity Group meeting!
Thursday, September 29 at 12pm ET
Please email [email protected] with questions and to obtain the exact location of the meeting.
We hope you are still tending your gardens and blooming as a result of participating in the 2022 WFS Annual Conference. There was great content to digest and inspiring energy surrounding the event. We welcome you to join us in a special follow-up event to share how you are grown, where you are stuck, and what has been happening on your recovery journey since you viewed/attended the conference.
When: Sunday, September 25 @ 7 pm Eastern
Who: All WFS 2022 Conference Registrants (in person & on-demand)
Where: Wherever you are via Zoom (Zoom link sent to your conference registration email)
“You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.”
Abraham Lincoln
“Adulthood is like the vet, and we’re all dogs that were excited for the ride until we realized where we’re going.”
Unknown
“No one else is going to build the life you want for you. No one else will even be able to completely understand it. The most amazing souls will show up to cheer you along the way, but this is your game. Make a pact to be in it with yourself for the long haul, as your own supportive friend at every step along the way.”
Tara Mohr
#13 I am responsible for myself and for my actions.
I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts and my life.
Sobriety and Statement #13 in action are a combination that paves the way for long-term recovery. Our founder, Jean Kirkpatrick, Ph.D., understood her need for a different kind of recovery program, and when she couldn’t find it, she constructed it. Jean created the New Life she wanted by taking responsibility for her life, thereby giving us the opportunity for a sober New Life as well.
In early sobriety, the concept of responsibility was frightening. I really didn’t understand what it meant, and my healing brain tried to figure it out. Inside, I thought responsibility meant solving problems for everyone and being in two different places at a time. Kind of like my parents. Over time, I realized that it meant responding with my ability. It was the beginning of learning to trust myself to make decisions, redirect thoughts, and create a life that matched my heart. Of course, there were still many unknowns, but I was learning to challenge myself and really believe in myself.
Anytime we overcome a craving or extinguish a trigger, we are saying YES to ourselves and putting action into Statement #13. Responding to a thought that takes us further away from a goal by redirecting or challenging it, is action into this empowering Statement. Each day this week, examine how you responded and overcame something challenging. How did it feel? What did you learn about yourself? What would you like to create in your life? What small action can you take this week towards that?
Hugzzz
Karen
Hi 4C Women,
I laughed out loud at the quote about being a dog, all excited for the ride, until we realized where we were going. After my divorce, I was initially terrified to be responsible for everything after 27 years of marriage, yet I was also excited to be making my own choices, to be in charge. All these years later, I am grateful to have learned a ton of life lessons, survived several mistakes that I was sure I wouldn’t, and still, every once in a while, I do some wishful thinking about having someone take over my responsibilities for perhaps a week to give me a break. There is so much to learn and unlearn. I learned that Superwoman does not exist in real life and unlearned that I have to do it all and perfectly. I also realize that when I want someone to take over for a brief time, I am just feeling overwhelmed. It is not a judgment on my abilities, it is a recognition of needing a breather and asking for input or support, knowing that the final responsibility and decision is mine.
Karen was absolutely right about “trust.” It took quite a while for me to trust my decision-making and problem-solving skills. Working through my pain, healing from my past, and learning to ask for help all created trust in me. I trusted myself! I finally chose courage over comfort. It was comfortable to have others tell me what would be the best choice for me, to decide what to do, and where to go. One day I realized that I was allowing fear to control my life, mostly fear of making mistakes in my choices which is why I either didn’t make a decision or relied on others to do it for me. That was my comfort zone. If their choice was wrong, I wore my “blame them” crown. It fit so well. However, with WFS I learned that fear took away the courage I needed to be in charge of my life. While I recognized that fear is a natural response, I also learned to not deny my feelings but find a way to uncover and discover where they were coming from. From that came the tools I needed to problem-solve and be confident.
Even mistakes are powerful life lessons, not a deterrent. I love that WFS encourages us to be authentic. My fear was very real to me yet I needed to reflect with compassion to understand its roots. I did discover them and it completely changed my thought pattern. The inner critic that said I was stupid was from the past, from some who are no longer here or in my life. Yet I gave them room to rent in my mind. Well, their lease was up and I am now the sole owner!
Have you been able to uncover and discover your fears that might be holding you back from practicing and living Statement #13?
In doing so, how has that changed your approach to being in charge of your mind, thoughts, and life as far as cravings, triggers, and decision-making?
How do you say yes to you? I love Karen’s description of saying no to a craving or a trigger is saying yes to you.
Having plans has always been a part of WFS. If Plan A doesn’t work, go on to Plan B, Plan C. It’s all part of learning to be in charge of our actions as best as we can. Learning what does and does not work for us individually. So, if you are triggered or your inner critic is screaming false messages in your ear, what plans do you have to live Statement #13 for well-being and recovery?
Bonded in learning and discovering our needs to be in charge of our actions, and our life, Dee
WFS is proud to announce the start of the LGBTQ+ Affinity Group meeting!
Thursday, September 29 at 12pm ET
Please email [email protected] with questions and to obtain the exact location of the meeting.
“Trying to do it all and expecting that it all can done exactly right is a recipe for disappointment. Perfection is the enemy.”
Sheryl Sandberg
“The success of every woman should be the inspiration to another. We should raise each other up. Make sure you’re very courageous: be strong, be extremely kind, and above all be humble.”
Serena Williams
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face…. You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
Eleanor Roosevelt
#12 I am a competent woman, and I have much to give life.
This is what I am and I shall know it always.
In our WFS Reflections for Growth booklet our founder, Jean Kirkpatrick, Ph.D., writes “As women, we have a special kind of force within us that must be left loose to grow. When it is in full power—and when we are in control of that force that is us—we have an unlimited range of marvelous possibilities for life. Part of that force is being competent as women.” Jean knew that with sobriety and recovery, every single woman has within her everything needed to be capable, competent, caring, and compassionate.
Alcohol or drugs inhibit any belief in self. How could I be capable of anything, (much less competent) when alcohol had such a deep hold? It was as if it whispered in my ear “…you can’t…you’ll fail…you’ll never….” repeatedly and I easily believed it. Soon thoughts of “why bother” or “that’s way too hard” joined in the negativity while feelings of uselessness took over. It was a deeply painful way to live.
Sobriety and Statement #12 in action change that negativity into opportunity. Being able to stay sober for one hour, one day, one week to one month was creating a sturdy base to feel abilities grow, shift and absorb new information. Eventually, I began challenging myself to try something new or what I doubted myself in. For example, I doubted becoming a Certified Facilitator, but felt the fear and did it anyway. A dozen years later, I still find ways to increase my abilities. Using Statement #12 as a mantra, the words are encouraging which cements even the smallest of gains. This Statement is my go-to when I feel overwhelmed or unable to manage something. This week, take a moment to acknowledge your abilities, especially what you have overcome. Also, investigate where you can challenge yourself and find new adventures!
Hugzzz
Karen
Hi 4C Women,
I am drawn to this Statement whenever I begin to feel overwhelmed, lacking confidence in completing what needs to be done or even making a necessary decision. I accept that being overwhelmed is a natural response when my plate feels overflowing with responsibilities. I let that thought alert me to remember and believe that I am a competent woman. As a life learner of feelings, I don’t judge my fearful or negative self-talk but have awareness in order to reflect on them. As a competent woman, I recognize I cannot do everything. That doesn’t change the knowledge of being competent but creates the awareness that I can choose a different approach by taking a break, practicing self-care, journaling my feelings, or calling for help as those are some choices competent and confident woman can take.
WFS has taught me to be more mindful of my feelings, validate and embrace them, seeking healthy solutions when fear or negativity shows up. It reminds me of a garden. There are weeds that try to overtake the beautiful flowers so lovingly planted. Do we bemoan and feel hopeless or pull the weeds out to highlight the beauty of the garden? And the thing about weeds is that they are persistent and keep coming back. That is why it’s important to be aware of their appearance, and deal with them as best we can by nurturing what you intended your garden to be. This is how I look at Statement #12. I nurture and honor what I have accomplished whether it is a successful outcome to a challenge or an insight that provides emotional growth and understanding. Each positive choice creates a stronger feeling of competence. It holds me up when some situations create questioning of my abilities. I keep telling myself “I can” as I accept my authentic feelings and give myself time and thought to figure out what direction to take that supports my well-being.
I encourage you to think of your purpose in this life. Having much to give life is a wonderful reminder in Statement #12. Being a facilitator has been my greatest purpose and it is part of how I learned to be competent and give back what has been so generously given.
Is there someone you feel safe with to voice your fears and concerns and ask for help without judgment? I feel so strongly that asking for help, to be heard is a win-win situation. I feel honored when someone reaches out to me. To understand that they trust me enough to know I will listen, and feel compassion for them. Remember that if you are hesitant to make that call.
Do you have a self-care practice that helps your well-being when feeling overwhelmed or lacking confidence in your ability to handle a situation? It can be as easy as playing a favorite song, watching a comedy, taking a short car ride, walking outside to smell the crisp air, watching birds chirping, or calling that person who offers a safe haven. All positive distractions while you take a break and just breathe.
How do you validate your strengths? This is so crucial. I use to be able to make a long, very long list of my weaknesses. Thankfully, WFS is all about being our own cheerleader, validating our strengths as we gain confidence. I encourage you to make that list and whenever you feel doubt about your competency, take out that list and just say, “WOW, I’m good!”
Bonded in celebrating all you have given and knowing you have and will continue to create all the 4C competencies you need in your recovery, Dee
WFS is proud to announce the start of a new Regional Video meeting!
Florida
Fridays at 4:00 pm
Start Date: 9/16/2022
Please email [email protected] with questions and to obtain the exact location of the meeting.
Please join us in extending our gratitude to the volunteer Certified Facilitator who has made the commitment to bring her second meeting to her local community!
If you are feeling inspired to bring WFS to your local community, please review the requirements for becoming a Certified Facilitator at https://womenforsobriety.org and apply here.
WFS is proud to announce the start of a new Regional Video meeting!
Florida
Fridays at 4:00 pm
Start Date: 9/16/2022
Please email [email protected] with questions and to obtain the exact location of the meeting.
Please join us in extending our gratitude to the volunteer Certified Facilitator who has made the commitment to bring her second meeting to her local community!
If you are feeling inspired to bring WFS to your local community, please review the requirements for becoming a Certified Facilitator at https://womenforsobriety.org and apply here.
“This is a wonderful day I have never seen before.”
Maya Angelou
“For my part, I am almost contented just now, and very thankful. Gratitude is a divine emotion: it fills the heart, but not to bursting; it warms it, but not to fever.”
Charlotte Brontë
“Always have an attitude of gratitude.”
Sterling K. Brown
#11 Enthusiasm is my daily exercise.
I treasure the moments of my New Life.
Statement #11 and gratitude go hand in hand; our WFS Program booklet states “To be enthusiastic is to live each day to the fullest. It makes us feel alive and vibrant. It lights up the inner part of our being—we glow, and others respond to this.” Our founder, Jean Kirkpatrick, Ph.D. knew and understood how important it is for women in recovery to practice gratitude and treasure moments throughout each day.
Alcohol was a replacement for what was missing in my life yet it never worked. Drinking only took me farther away from what I needed, yet it was not possible to embrace this fact. Only when the emotional pain and drama became unbearable did I realize how my alcohol use was messing up my life.
The beauty of sobriety and Statement #11 is that it uses open direction and is not a far-off concrete goal. Just like any other type of exercise, whether it be walking, biking, or running, there is an element of progress instead of a destination. Some of the most memorable and treasured moments in my New Life are linked to simple awareness and embracing a fleeting point in time. These exquisite moments have nothing special about them except that I participated in them. For example, a colorful leaf or butterfly can stop me in my tracks and genuine enthusiasm fills my heart. I know that the leaf will never fall or the butterfly will not pass the same way again, it’s a special moment and then it’s gone. It can be and feel breathtaking, indeed a treasure. This week, be on the lookout for bursts of enthusiasm in everyday moments.
Here are four ways to engage with the present moment:
1. Practice awareness: Choose a moment to discover sights, sounds, smells, and conversations. What other things can you notice about that moment?
2. Set a timer: Set a timer for each hour, or maybe use the chime of a clock to take 30 to 60 seconds to connect to the moment. Again, notice sights, sounds, etc.
3. Note your response: What is happening to you at that moment? Are you cold? Warm? How fast are you breathing? Do you feel the chair underneath you? Do you feel the sun/wind on your face? What else does your response contain?
4. When it’s gone, it’s gone: While that moment is no more, you have the experience within you now. There is no need to chase after it or regret it, you were present and can now treasure it.
Hugzzz
Karen
Hi 4C Women,
My dear friend sent me 2 articles about the need to connect with others, even strangers. I was thinking of how I used to interact when grocery shopping, at the checkout, in a doctor’s office, or during social encounters. I had an old cell phone so I didn’t have the internet or email to check out. I would look around and see everyone attached to their phones or having earphones while shopping. Once I thought a shopper was talking to me and realized they were talking to a person on their phone. I was slightly embarrassed and naive. I vowed that I would not be one of those people.
I found that I became that person when I got my new phone. It seemed uncomfortable to try and talk so I started using my phone as a distraction like everyone else. I realize now that those previous moments of connecting with another person were treasured moments. I recently went to a restaurant to pick up food and while waiting, the woman next to me started a conversation. It was brief but brought me back to me how much I missed that unexpected and joyful interaction. I have decided that I am going to go back to the person who reaches out without fear of it not being reciprocated. I will just say to myself, NEXT! I love being around people just as much as some people love being in nature. It feeds my soul, my spirit. During the pandemic, it was Zoom that kept me connected to the group and welcomed new members. It could have been such a lonelier time as I so missed the in-person meetings. Now I am fortunate to have both. I sincerely treasure the time shared with the women in WFS. We understand and respect each other. It’s many treasured moments filled with enthusiasm. I am so blessed.
My neighbor rings my doorbell each time there is a magnificent sunset. We stand together and just stare at the beauty of it. I volunteer at the church office and part of that is providing groceries from our food pantry. I have met and heard so many challenging stories that touch my heart and inspire my compassion for the strength these families possess in such hard times. Our church has had town hall meetings in the last few months. I was amazed at how people felt safe to share their family struggles and know they would not be judged. This is the church that welcomed WFS without question 15 years ago. It is all about acceptance and inclusion. So many moments to treasure.
I love what Karen shared about awareness and knowing that while the moment is gone, the experience remains. A quote from Nancy Cross, “Enthusiasm is a balancer, it sparks life and then renews it when it fades.” I encourage you to think of it in those terms. When enthusiasm fades, renew it with all the wonderful suggestions Karen made, perhaps writing in a gratitude journal as a way to recall treasured moments when natural feelings of sadness, loneliness, disappointment, or regret come along. I’m a big believer in acknowledging authentic feelings. I let them stay a while but if they stay too long, I need a tool to help me remember the positive, joyful times. A grateful journal will do that. Or if you chose a specific Statement at the beginning of the day, at the end of the day write about how it helped or influenced your thoughts and your experiences.
What feeds your enthusiasm?
When is the last time you felt enthusiastic?
What are some of your treasured moments?
Bonded in exploring what enthusiasm means to you and how you recognize treasured moments, Dee
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