Month: January 2022

#6 Life can be ordinary or it can be great.

Laughter and spontaneity oftentimes go hand and hand. Take a moment to just reflect back on the last time you really busted out laughing; maybe you were laughing so hard you had tears running down your face or even had to pause to catch your breath.  You couldn’t script that moment any more than you could stop your giggling.  In sobriety and recovery, it is essential to be able to laugh and to embrace the moment.

Statement #6 in action encourages presence and that includes laughter.  Sobriety is not the end of joyful moments, rather it is the beginning of a New Life which includes laughter, giggles, chortles, and cackles.And where there is laughter, there is a sense of spontaneity that can bring out the child in each of us.

This week, look for and find ways to open yourself up to laughter.  Sometimes it can feel like there is so much chaos and heaviness going on in the world right now yet allowing laughter to permeate your senses can alleviate some of that weight.  This was especially helpful for me in early sobriety; watching comedies each week, if not daily allowed me to connect to my emotions and feelings.  It felt like a jump start into recovery.  Make it your mission this week to let go of rigidity, welcome laughter and make every day special!

Hugzzz

I had major technical issues on Wednesday night.  My smoke alarm went on for 20 minutes until I finally figured out which unit was causing the ear shattering problem and was also hurting my dog’s ears, my DIRECTV sent a message that my Genie hard drive was broken and needed to be replaced and then my landline stopped working and it was decided to turn off that breaker to see if it would stop the smoke alarm from its screeching sound.  I was not laughing.  However, I was fortunate to have the best neighbors who were there to help me.  When I reflect on that night, it made a great comedy of errors.  It was not an ordinary night, yet it was one filled with gratitude for helpful, caring neighbors.  Shockingly, a new hard drive was delivered the next morning and my neighbor installed it with ease that afternoon.  Poor guy even tried to teach me a few tips on how to program the remote.

I have a daily calendar and the quote for that Wednesday was: Today’s Forecast: 100% FANTASTIC!  Now that made me laugh.  I needed that as I collapsed on the sofa. 

I have had women share that they felt flat when they became sober.  I feel Jean understood this feeling and created Statement #6 to give us hope and direction to experience moments of our New Life as joyful, becoming spontaneous in that joy, and having awareness of its impact on our daily lives.  For me, it does not mean denying or ignoring the tough times.  It means acknowledging the great moments when they happen and relishing them as treasures to be recalled when we have that flat feeling.  I actually began enjoying celebrations as a sober woman.  I was in the moment and it was one of the greatest gifts of sobriety.  I had fun, I laughed, I remembered the moments. 

Here’s what I love about spontaneity.  The word itself says it’s not planned which in the past I found myself thinking I had to plan fun.  It wasn’t a moment that happened, it was a detailed plan such as a vacation or event that was going to be fun and that’s that!  If my plan didn’t turn out to be fun, I started all that negative self-talk that I wasn’t deserving of fun.  I really screwed up and I’ll never have fun ever again in my life.  The all-or-nothing thinking.  Nancy Cross once wrote that we should focus on the end result, not the how, which is how I was living my life.  Well, as I began to practice Statement #6, I found myself laughing at small things like the kid next door who came over one Christmas and started turning on all my musical snowmen of which there are many, and laughing so hard.  He also had an iPad that he selected a Michael Jackson song to play and started singing along and dancing around the room.   He showed me exactly what spontaneous meant.  I found myself laughing more often because I was learning to be in the moment.

So, think about the last time you spontaneously laughed, what actions can you take to bond yourself to living life in the now, and what is “your” definition of greatness in sobriety/recovery.  I hope you will consider Karen’s suggestions and find yourself in the light of unexpected joyful laughter this week and keep practicing it. 

Bonded in learning to be in the moment and experiencing authentic joy, Dee

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#5 I am what I think.

I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.

“Will people still like me? Will I fit in? Will I be treated differently?”  These are just some of the questions that burned in my mind walking into this new sober life.  Without a clue as to what was in store, sobriety and recovery became a healthy way of life thanks to the WFS Statements and the New Life Program.

Statement #5 is the foundation that all the other Statements build on.  From those five simple words comes a life of fullness, balance, and authenticity.  In the past, it was simple for me to try to “be” someone else.  I was forever comparing and complaining, wondering how to be like them.  I looked to everyone else for input into my life yet the cost was high…I lost myself.  This Statement doesn’t read I am what someone else thinks…. It states triumphantly I am what * I* think!

In our WFS Program booklet, it states, “The way we experience our life is a result of our thoughts.  With our mind, we shape our day.” Each morning I begin the day reading the Statements.  It sets the tone for the day and helps keep my mind focused.  With the endless supply of distractions in this world, this one act opens the door to keeping an eye on my thoughts. The awareness helps to identify patterns and connect with what matters to me.  After all, I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman!

Hugzzz

Karen

Dear 4C Women,

My addiction enhanced my lost feeling and it took a while for me to realize that in order to practice Statement #5, I had to take responsibility for finding the authentic me and be my own cheerleader.  Part of that was setting boundaries with my own thoughts.  Yes, my negative thoughts about who I was did not support the woman I yearned for, the woman I lost and left behind in my addiction.

I know we talk about setting boundaries for others in order to protect ourselves from toxic relationships.   I finally understood that my negative thinking about myself was hindering any possibility of becoming the 4C woman I wanted to be.  I set boundaries on my negative description of myself.  The moment I started negative self-talk, I stopped and replaced it with positive self-talk.  Even if it was one word, i.e., stupid, I would immediately change it to smart.  I am smart.  I am wise.  I am becoming a 4C woman.  It is amazing how after becoming sober, the negative thoughts were still there, an automatic response.  It took consistency, commitment, and courage to practice Statement #5 and know that in changing my thoughts, I was on my way to believing I was and now am a 4C woman.  One way to help identify the positive qualities you possess is to think about the inside gifts you have that you share with others, with the world.  Nancy Cross once wrote in a message with a great question.  “What Makes Me Unique?”  We all have gifts, uniqueness, positive qualities that we need to acknowledge whenever the inner critic shows up trying to put the past into the present with old, destructive messages.  We learn and grow each day on this amazing and challenging journey.  It is what Jean learned about herself and then taught us – to release the past, build ourselves up with empowering, loving words, to keep moving forward with compassion for ourselves.

My favorite 5 questions, which includes courage, for Statement #5:

I am capable of….

I am competent in…

I am caring about….

I am compassionate about…

I express courage by…

Bonded in believing and living our lives as 4C women, Dee

Listen to an episode of The Think Courageously Podcast

Featuring Adrienne Miller from WFS

Episode Here

#4 Problems bother me only to the degree I permit.

I now better understand my problems.

I do not permit problems to overwhelm me.

 Sober life tends to move through different stages much like the seasons. From the increasing daylight of spring and new life into summer days full of energy and brightness. Followed by fall, unfurling itself to where we are right now, wrapped up in a slower pace of hibernation and stillness, we can be reminded of how Statement #4 in action goes through the very same process.

Active addiction makes it impossible to reap a harvest of growth and blossoming relationships.  It can remove any sense of connection while digging a deep hole of loneliness.  Imbalance sets in like overgrown weeds and chokes off new seedlings.  Life and love cannot flourish without nourishment.

Sobriety and Statement #4 in action create a garden full of hope, resilience, and growth. Beautiful tall blooms of optimism, opportunity, and overcoming stand tall while layers of peace, love, and patience fill in underneath.  Covering the ground level, a vast curtain of contentment and connection fills in any bare spots, bringing a sense of balance and ease into view.  It is a garden of you, growing and evolving with the changing seasons.  What will you plant today for your future harvest?

Hugzzz

Karen

Dear 4C Women,

I love every word of Karen’s message.  I could visualize the seasons, the garden and finally, the hope experienced in recovery.  My drinking mostly hurt the relationship I had with myself.  I made unhealthy choices and everything – I mean everything – was a problem.  I could not discern the difference between a problem and a genuine concern that needed my attention. I lacked problem-solving skills and decision-making abilities.  Because I saw everything as a problem, I was constantly overwhelmed.  Learning to understand authentic concerns was such a gift in teaching me those skills of problem-solving that drinking took away.

As I began to think clearly, I also learned to seek input, to be vulnerable, and yet know that the final decision was mine to make.  Mistakes were made yet learning was taking place.  I realized how much time I wasted on non-issues and how much more energy and time I had to tackle the real concerns facing me.  I also realized that I was using everyday problems to stop me from facing the important decisions to be made.  I was fearful of making more mistakes.  A big lesson for me was that mistakes were just that – a learning curve for the next time and that success was possible.  In fact, I probably learned a lot more by being open, willing, and vulnerable, to accept mistakes and keep moving forward.

Jean Kirkpatrick had such a clear understanding of women’s roles when she created this program back in 1975.  She understood the societal expectations of women and how that created overwhelming pressure for women who sought relief by drinking or using substances.  There was a double standard and not much support but lots of judgment.  We were expected to be the best in everything, take care of all relationships, put others before ourselves and not complain.  That certainly created a lot of overwhelming pressure.  Jean knew this and it guided her to write this empowering WFS program.  Of course, pressures still exist as women’s roles expanded.  Fortunately, through WFS, I have seen women learn to value themselves, speak their voice, practice self-care, learn coping skills that include problem-solving and decision making.  The most important thing is that there is support given and received.  We share our journey, women strong, compassionate and caring.

Bonded in planting our future harvest of hope, resilience, and supporting each other along the way, Dee

CALL FOR PRESENTATIONS

#3 Happiness is a habit I am developing.

“What makes your insides smile?”

Dear 4C Women,

CALL FOR PRESENTATIONS

What? Me? Negative? Uh, no way. Never.  These are some words that were frequently a part of my vocabulary before New Life.  Denial kept me locked in active addiction for years, yet moving into sobriety was the beginning of CHANGE, an acronym for Choose Having A New Growth Experience.

Sobriety and Statement #2 in action create a sense of balance and can offer ease and contentment.  Starting with awareness of thoughts, which can feel overwhelming at first, opens the door to identifying, understanding and lastly, managing thoughts.

In our WFS Program booklet it states “Negative thoughts can destroy us in many ways.  An important aspect of negative thoughts for us is that such thoughts often precede using or drinking.  A state of “what’s the use?” or “who cares?” can initiate an attempt to escape from reality.”

Here are some examples of negative thinking along with opportunities to change them:

1.      All or nothing, or black/white thinking:

“I will never be able to _______.”  Instead, “I may or may not achieve ______ the first time I try, but I will do my best and can learn along the way.”  What is in the gray area in between?  Will this line of thinking help or hurt me?  Or take me further towards or further away from sobriety?

2.      Catastrophizing:

“It will be a disaster” or “It will never work.” Instead, “I am open to experiencing what is in front of me.”  Or “I have everything I need within me to succeed or move through this.”  Challenge these thoughts and embrace growth.

3.      Shoulding or blaming:

“They/he/she/I should do/don’t/be__________”.  Instead, let go of judgments or blame and focus on compassion “They/he/she/I am trying to understand and they/he/she/I am not their/my behaviors and/or embrace that you do not have all the answers.

4.      I’m not good enough:

“I don’t measure up.” Instead, name your strengths.  No one but you has your set of insights and understanding.  You are an important part of the human experience and you are worthy of receiving what you want in life.  You are capable, competent, caring and compassionate.

Hugzzz

Karen