Month: September 2021

“A part of me wants to keep my eyes closed and pull the covers over my head, block out the light trying to be turned on in my room…. a part of me is so afraid to open my eyes because the very nature of waking up is to be aware, to be accountable, to be responsible for the healing of my life.”  ~~Sarah Blondin

“Invest time and energy in your well-being.  Create an atmosphere of emotional safety for yourself.”  ~~Amy Leigh Mercree

“Are you prepared to put in the time and energy to create change in your life?  Are you prepared to make and keep that commitment?  If not you, then who?  Invest in yourself.”  ~~Akiroq Brost

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#1 I have a life-threatening problem that once had me.

I now take charge of my life and my well-being.

I accept the responsibility.

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It felt easier to hide under the covers of alcohol instead of moving through difficult or painful emotions, much like a child hiding from real or imagined fears. Yet unknowingly, I was also hiding from living and the beauty of life. Sobriety and Statement #1 in action lay a reliable foundation for recovery while adding connection builds security and cements well-being.

The WFS New Life Program aids women in reclaiming and redesigning their New Life and Statement #1 leads the way.  It states in our WFS Program booklet, “New Life begins with recognizing that we have a life-threatening problem and accepting the responsibility to be in charge of our own lives.  By acknowledging our reliance on alcohol or drugs, we can begin to explore why we sought to escape.”

Throwback the covers and embrace each new day. It is yours to create and experience. Of course, it is unrealistic to expect sunshine and rainbows every day, so learning new coping skills and techniques help us move through challenges and uncertainty.  If you are new to sobriety, develop a plan of action to insure your sobriety and new goals.  Enlist the help of other 4C women by becoming engaged in the WFS Online community or if there is a face-to-face meeting near you, connect in person.  What will you create this week?

Hugzzz

Karen

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Hi 4C Women,

The last quote from Akiroq Brost is the first question I asked myself when I made the decision to quit drinking.  Was I really ready to make such a drastic, strong and committed change in my life?  And of course, the follow up question – if not you, then who?  The answer is all there in Statement #1.    As I built my tool box of coping skills, I realized that while I recognized there were people and situations that triggered me, I also needed to dig deeper and uncover the feelings that created these intense reactions/responses.  I want to share a list from the Gottman Institute that helped me identify those feelings.

What triggered me?

• I felt excluded
• I felt powerless
• I felt unheard
• I felt scolded
• I felt judged
• I felt blamed
• I felt disrespected
• I felt a lack of affection
• I felt uncared for
• I felt lonely
• I felt ignored
• I felt like I couldn’t be honest
• I felt like the bad guy
• I felt forgotten
• I felt unsafe
• I felt unloved
• I felt disconnected
• I felt frustrated
• I felt a lack of passion
• I felt trapped
• I felt like that was unfair
• I felt like I couldn’t speak up
• I felt manipulated
• I felt controlled

I added:

• I felt a lack of compassion
• I felt a lack of caring
• I felt invisible

What would you add to this list?

Identifying feelings is the beginning.  How to create changes in reacting and responding to these feelings is a crucial component of being in charge of your life.  This is not about ignoring feelings.  That’s what got me into trouble to begin with.  It’s understanding perhaps where or why these feelings are so intense that we would harm ourselves by making an unhealthy choice.  Instead, think about some of these triggers.  How can you take charge if perhaps you didn’t feel you could speak up, felt trapped, couldn’t be honest – anything on this list that speaks to you?

Working through these triggers helped me figure out what I needed to do to obtain and maintain my sobriety.  Let’s face it, these feelings will arise throughout our lives.  It’s our response/reaction that will protect our wellbeing and our recovery.  Feelings are just that – feelings.  Acknowledging and having awareness with a plan in mind will empower you and, in the end, be a healing process as you take responsibility and stand strong.

Bonded in empowerment, growth, acceptance that we are in charge of our lives, Dee

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“Just believe in yourself.  Even if you don’t, pretend that you do and at some point, you will.”  ~~Venus Williams

“Life can go in many directions but the belief in yourself is the map to the unknown.”  ~~Anne Neil

“You may be the only person left who believes in you, but it’s enough.  It takes just one star to pierce a universe of darkness.  Never give up.”  ~~Richelle E. Goodrich

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#13 I am responsible for myself and for my actions.

I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life.

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In our WFS Reflections for Growth booklet our founder, Jean Kirkpatrick, PhD writes “Do you have faith in yourself?  Do you have faith in your ability to accomplish?  More importantly, do you have faith in your sobriety?  Faith is belief.  To stay sober, we must have faith in ourselves.  We must believe, trust, and have faith in our ability to accept our self-responsibility.”  This is an eye-opening way to examine faith in our New Lives and put action into Statement #13.

Addiction removed the ability to accept, believe or feel confidence in myself.  My belief system had become misplaced, and I unconsciously allowed others to make decisions in my life.  Faith in others came way before faith in myself.  Because of the WFS New Life Program, sobriety and recovery helped change direction and feel a sense of balance.

Challenging myself became a way to practice Statement #13 and feel responsible, which definitely increased belief in myself.  For example, knowing I wanted to get involved with WFS, becoming a Certified Facilitator was a route available.  I could either start a F2F meeting or one online.  Being more comfortable online, I chose to start a F2F.  This cemented faith, growth, and responsibility.  Today I know and have faith that I am a capable, competent, caring, and compassionate woman!

Hugzzz

Karen

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Hi 4C Women,

In the beginning, I was like a rebellious teenager when it came to Statement #13.  I wanted to say, I am NOT responsible for myself and my actions.  I mean if I’m responsible, that means I have to actually stop my blame game and learn to make my own decisions, cope with the mistakes I would and did make, change my entire way of thinking and it was scary.  So much easier to blame others and just sit back and do nothing.  In totality, the 13 Statements are building blocks, a phenomenal guide to taking responsibility, to feel completely in charge of our minds, our thoughts and our lives.  I eventually began to feel empowered.  I didn’t have to hide my power; I could speak my voice.  It felt fabulous.  And mistakes, well it was shocking that the world didn’t stop turning when I made mistakes.

I am sure the people in my life were delighted with this change.  No more constantly complaining how horrible my life was because of others.   I was no longer an emotional victim of life’s situations or other people nor did I want to play that victim role anymore.  There are still times when I feel overwhelmed with being in charge yet I would rather work through those times than be stuck and fearful of a challenging situation or person.  And knowing I am in charge of my responses, my choices, provides a strength and courage I hold on to tightly.

Here’s the best part – I no longer deny my authentic feelings of fear and confusion at times.  I am fortunate to have the tools and the support of my WFS sisters to hear without judgement, provide insight from their own life experiences and space to make my own decisions.

Nancy Cross once shared a message with some questions from Iyanla Vanzant as it related to this Statement.  These questions helped me define how willing I was to practice Statement #13 in earnest.

1.       Are you willing to be a free and independent thinker?  (This one truly spoke to me the loudest.  When I was married, I didn’t realize how much I repeated my former husband’s point of view on everything.  One day, a co-worker asked me if I realized that I started every sentence with, “Ed said.”  He asked if I had thoughts or opinions of my own.  Wow!  That was a wake-up call.)

2.       Are you willing to stand up for yourself?  To speak up for yourself?

3.       Are you willing to be the one who calls the shots?

4.       Are you willing to walk away from the people who will be very upset when you stand up and speak up?  (This occurred during my separation when I found my voice.  It is challenging especially if we hold onto guilt from the past and feel we don’t deserve to speak our wants and needs.  Oh, but we do!  Remember that your past does not equal your future. We used alcohol or drugs to cope and practicing the WFS program teaches us to value ourselves as we work towards a New Life in recovery.)

5.       Are you willing to have fun and joy in total peace all by yourself, if necessary?

6.       Are you comfortable with saying no and realize it is a complete sentence?

7.       In learning to be responsible for yourself, have you set healthy boundaries to achieve your wants and needs?

Bonded in learning, growing, reaching out for support and being in charge!  Dee